18:32The Mindset Mentor Podcast · Talking Head
Act As If Everything Always Works Out
An 18-minute neuroscience case for why expecting the worst is a self-fulfilling prediction — and how to rewire your brain to see opportunity instead.
June 25thThe argument in one line.
Gary Vaynerchuk argues that the people who feel stuck are spending their energy blaming the past and envying others, and that trading blame for accountability and gratitude is the actual unlock, not more money or followers.
Read if. Skip if.
READ IF YOU ARE…
- You keep blaming a parent, an ex, or your circumstances for where you are and you're ready to hear a harder answer.
- You're sitting on something you've wanted to post, pitch, or start for months and the only thing stopping you is what people might think.
- You just lost a job or are between gigs and need a concrete next move instead of more job-board scrolling.
- You catch yourself envious of people online and want a way to think about it that isn't 'just stop caring.'
SKIP IF…
- You're looking for tactical business or marketing frameworks -- this episode is almost entirely mindset and accountability, not strategy.
- You're sensitive to frequent cursing -- Vaynerchuk swears often and Mel apologizes for it mid-episode.
The full version, fast.
Gary Vaynerchuk tells Mel Robbins that most people stay stuck not because of their circumstances but because blaming the past, envying strangers online, and chasing other people's approval feels safer than acting. His fix is radical accountability: stop asking the world to understand you, stop keeping score against people who had it easier or harder, and decide you're responsible for what happens next regardless of what happened before. Practically, that means treating hesitation as normal ('just' do it anyway), posting the thing you're embarrassed about before someone else uses it against you, replying to strangers instead of just the host to build real community, and remembering that peace of mind, not followers or money, is the actual goal.
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Create a free account →Who's talking.
00:45guestGary Vaynerchuk
00:00hostMel Robbins
Where the time goes.
00:00 – 03:00
01 · Cold Open
Teaser montage of the episode's biggest lines, then Mel builds up the introduction: a conversation 12 years in the making.
03:00 – 07:40
02 · Meet Gary Vaynerchuk
Gary's origin story: immigrating from the Soviet Union, working in his dad's liquor store, being called 'misunderstood' his whole childhood, and preferring the chase to the trophy.
07:40 – 11:40
03 · The Algorithm Exposes You
Why you don't need the world to fully understand you, plus the literal one-day exercise to reset a negative social feed.
11:40 – 17:30
04 · From Blame To Accountability
When it stops being your parents' fault, the 'F your grandparents' VaynerCon story, and why naming a childhood wound out loud keeps it alive.
17:30 – 21:40
05 · You Have It Better Than You Think
Envy of influencers versus the 800-million-people-without-clean-water stat, and choosing gratitude over comparison.
21:40 – 26:00
06 · Peace Of Mind Over Possessions
Why people buy status objects to disguise what's actually wrong, and the case for simplifying a lifestyle that isn't bringing joy.
26:00 – 32:15
07 · You're Going To Die
Respect for elders, volunteering five hours at a retirement home, and using your own funeral as a decision filter.
32:15 – 40:10
08 · Humility And The Smile Test
The 440-trillion-to-one odds of being born, smiling at strangers, and why Gary thinks happiness has 'done a bad job' at marketing itself.
40:10 – 46:40
09 · Stop Fixating On What You're Bad At
Everyone is already great at something; obsessing over one or two weaknesses eats the oxygen that should go to your strengths.
46:40 – 54:10
10 · Just Do It -- Practicing Getting Judged
Why the word 'just' is the whole slogan, and the tennis-comeback story about talking yourself back from 5-1 down.
54:10 – 1:00:30
11 · You Haven't Missed It
Live shopping compared to where social media itself stood in 2014 -- widely known about, not yet widely done.
1:00:30 – 1:04:00
12 · If You Lost Your Job, Post On LinkedIn
The LinkedIn content play for job seekers, and building a positive online community by replying to other commenters, not just the host.
1:04:00 – 1:07:30
13 · Rapid Fire: Confidence, Business, Embarrassment
Fastest route to self-confidence, best business advice, why embarrassment is an advantage, and the decade of blowback over his anti-college stance.
1:07:30 – 1:10:38
14 · Nothing At The End Will Matter
Closing thesis on mortality and envy, a final exchange of love between host and guest, and the subscribe ask.
Lines worth screenshotting.
- The algorithm doesn't change who you are, it exposes who you already are by mirroring back exactly what you click on.
- Vaynerchuk says the joy of chasing a goal is more satisfying than achieving it, a realization he had in his early twenties.
- He argues people stay stuck less because of real circumstances and more because grievance gives them pity, compassion, and an excuse not to act.
- His answer to 'at what age do you stop blaming your parents' isn't an age at all: it's the moment you decide to pay for your own life.
- Roughly 800 million people, about 10% of the world, can't get a glass of clean drinking water, a stat he uses to puncture self-pity.
- The word 'just' in Nike's 'Just Do It' is the whole slogan: it's what acknowledges hesitation is normal right before you push through it.
- He beat a scratch-golfer friend at tennis from 5-1 down twice in one summer by talking trash to himself mid-match, proof that momentum responds to self-talk.
- Posting a video listing everything you're bad at, Vaynerchuk says, strips other people's main weapon against you and is the fastest route to self-confidence.
- Saying 'I'm in between gigs' on a LinkedIn video isn't weakness, it's proof you're secure enough to keep showing up.
- He took a decade of public criticism starting around 2007 for arguing college is a bad bet for many creative or entrepreneurial kids, before opinion caught up with him roughly 15 years later.
- His fix for building online support: reply to other commenters under a creator's posts, not just the creator, because community forms between strangers, not between fans and the host.
- The odds of any specific person being born are roughly 440 trillion to one, by his math a reason to stop being bored with the life you already won.
- His number one possession isn't his follower count or his businesses, it's his peace of mind, which he defines as no longer questioning who he is.
Accountability and gratitude beat blame and envy, every time.
MINDSET & ACCOUNTABILITY
Vaynerchuk's seventy minutes with Mel Robbins collapses to one argument: the fastest way out of being stuck is to stop blaming your past and start taking radical responsibility for your next move.
02Meet Gary Vaynerchuk
- Vaynerchuk says he decided by his early twenties that he liked the chase of a goal more than achieving it, and that realization, not raw talent, is what let him ignore outside validation for the next 25 years.
03The Algorithm Exposes You
- The literal fix for a bad feed: for one day, tap 'not interested' on everything that drags you down, then search terms like 'joy' and 'happy' and follow what comes up -- the algorithm reflects your inputs, it doesn't create your mood.
- Being comfortable with being misunderstood starts with admitting that even the people closest to you only ever get a subjective slice of you, so a stranger's opinion in the comments was never going to be the full picture.
04From Blame To Accountability
- His answer to 'when does it stop being your parents' fault' isn't an age, it's the moment you decide to pay for your own life -- everyone's parents could only give what their own parents gave them.
- Naming a childhood wound out loud repeatedly isn't processing it, Vaynerchuk argues -- it's usually a request for pity, enablement, or an excuse not to act, and it keeps the wound alive instead of closing it.
05You Have It Better Than You Think
- Roughly 800 million people, about 10% of the world, can't get a glass of clean water -- a fact he uses to argue that comparing your life to three plastic-surgery billionaires instead of the other 8.3 billion people is a choice, not a fact.
06Peace Of Mind Over Possessions
- People buy status objects to disguise what's actually wrong, Vaynerchuk says -- the fix for someone making good money but still broke isn't a raise, it's cutting the lifestyle that's only there to prove something to other people.
07You're Going To Die
- Volunteering five hours at a local retirement home does more for the volunteer than the resident, he claims, because sitting with people who are out of time clarifies that regret, not failure, is the thing to actually fear.
- His test for a decision: picture your own funeral and ask whether the eulogy says you took the risk or stayed safe and quietly resented it -- then act today instead of 'someday.'
08Humility And The Smile Test
- He frames the statistical odds of any one person being born at roughly 440 trillion to one -- a number meant to make 'I'm bored with my life' feel absurd rather than motivating.
09Stop Fixating On What You're Bad At
- One or two weak spots shouldn't consume all your attention, Vaynerchuk argues -- everyone is already great at something, and chasing competence everywhere dilutes the one thing you could actually be excellent at.
10Just Do It -- Practicing Getting Judged
- He reads the Nike slogan literally: the word 'just' is the whole point, because it's the one word that admits hesitation is normal right before you act, not after.
- He came back from 5-1 down to beat a scratch golfer at tennis twice in one summer by narrating the comeback out loud mid-match -- proof, to him, that momentum follows self-talk, not just skill.
11You Haven't Missed It
- Vaynerchuk places live shopping (TikTok Shop, Whatnot) where social media itself was around 2014 -- widely known about, not yet widely done -- and argues 'I missed it' is almost always wrong for anything that's merely well-known, not saturated.
12If You Lost Your Job, Post On LinkedIn
- His advice for anyone job-hunting: post LinkedIn content about your actual job -- 'five things every executive assistant should know' -- and say plainly that you're between gigs, because naming it signals security, not weakness.
- To build support when your physical circle isn't positive, reply to other commenters under a creator's posts instead of just the creator -- strangers who find each other in the replies turn into DMs, then calls, then real friendships.
13Rapid Fire: Confidence, Business, Embarrassment
- His fastest route to self-confidence: record a video listing your own shortcomings before anyone else can -- once you've said it yourself, it stops being a weapon other people can use on you.
- He took a decade of public criticism starting around 2007 for arguing college is a bad bet for many creative or entrepreneurial kids, and says the embarrassing, unpopular opinion you actually hold is your biggest advantage, not a liability.
14Nothing At The End Will Matter
- His closing thesis, boiled down: none of what you're currently stressed about will matter at the end, so the only rational move is to start living like that's already true.
Terms worth knowing.
- Live shopping
- Selling products through a live video stream on a social platform such as TikTok Shop or Whatnot, functioning like a modern version of QVC.
- Optionality
- Building a public body of work, such as LinkedIn posts about your job skills, so you have other career paths open besides your current employer if you lose or leave your job.
Things they pointed at.
49:20productEmpathy Wines
54:40productTikTok Shop
55:30channelWine Library TV
55:50bookCrush It! (2009 book)
1:00:50toolLinkedIn
Lines you could clip.
10:09
“The algorithm did not change you. The algorithm exposed you.”
14:30
“Nobody is coming to save my ass from this mess that I'm in.”
21:37
“You have it much better than most of the entire world.”
26:40
“Peace of mind means you're not questioning who am I, what should I be doing today, what does this person think of me.”
32:13
“The worst sentence is three words: I wish I.”
34:30
“Do you know how many people I smile at? Everybody.”
47:30
“Life shrinks and expands in proportion to your willingness to take risks and try new things.”
50:10
“Watch me make a comeback. Watch me change my life.”
1:01:00
“Make a video that tells everybody all their shortcomings. The thing you're afraid to say actually owns you.”
1:05:20
“Your embarrassment is your advantage. It's your uniqueness. It's your snowflake.”
1:09:10
“In the end, none of the shit that you're worried about is going to actually matter.”
Where the conversation goes.
00:00 – 11:40denseGary's origin story and being comfortable misunderstood
11:40 – 21:40denseAccountability vs. blaming parents and circumstances
21:40 – 40:10denseGratitude, humility, and letting go of materialism
40:10 – 54:10denseTaking action despite fear of judgment
54:10 – 1:00:30steadyLive shopping and 'you haven't missed it'
1:00:30 – 1:04:00denseJob loss, LinkedIn content, and building online community
1:04:00 – 1:10:38denseRapid-fire advice and closing thesis on mortality
Word for word.
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metaphor
Gary, I'm on my way. Today on the Mel Robbins Podcast. Gary!
A conversation that's 12 years in the making. Do you understand who you consume, what you consume is who you become? Gary Vee is the person who inspired me to start putting myself out there and online.
My personal mentor, Gary Vaynerchuk, is here. It's time to stop making excuses. I promise you, whatever you're scared of is f***ed.
Far less scary than 30 years from now telling some random stranger dot, dot, dot, dot, dot. And change your life right now. Kudos to everyone who's listening.
You chose to consume some positivity. This is very important, everyone. I feel like I'm on to one here, so lock in.
Please help me welcome the one, the only, Gary Vaynerchuk to the Mel Robbins Podcast. I'm so happy to be here, Mel. Thank you.
You have been an inspiration to me. for 12 years. I would not be where I am today without you.
And so where I want to start, because I'm so thrilled that the person that's with us right now is going to get to be infused with your wisdom, your energy, the lessons from your life, the way you think about life. How might the person who's listening's life change if they take to heart everything that we're about to talk about today?
They'll become dramatically lighter. We are incredibly capable of making mountains out of molehills. And we focus on dumb shit until real shit happens.
And then we recalibrate. I prefer the person that's listening right now enjoy life or understand life before something bad happens in it. And I'm very focused on that.
And that's a lot of what my content of my life is about. Well, we're going to get into how you actually do that. But before we get into that, I want the person listening to...
understand a little bit about how your life has shaped you. You know, what's interesting is I said before you're coming into the team, I said, I've heard you for a decade say, I'm going to buy the Jets. I'm going to buy the Jets.
And I said to my team of almost 50 people, how many people here think he's going to do it? Every hand went up. And what's interesting is that I don't know if you will or won't, but what is powerful is that your belief that you might is something that other people can catch.
What's... Even more interesting on a personal level is the joy of chasing it is dramatically more delicious than achieving it. Say more about that.
You know, somewhere around my early 20s, I think I realized, oh, shoot, I like the chase more than the getting it. I like the practice more than the trophy. I don't live for outside validation.
I didn't use that term, but I realized very early in my life. oh, I'm different. By the time I was 25, I had gone through being an immigrant that couldn't speak English, misunderstood, being a ridiculously bad student, being misunderstood by parents of your friends and teachers, innovating.
in my dad's liquor store, things that people told my dad would ruin his business if he let me do it. By the time I was 25, I was told by the world that I was wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong, and everything was right, right, right, right, right, and that made it very easy to live the last 25 years because I had it figured out early, and I say that from a place of gratitude, not audacity.
I hate the word luck because I believe The world likes to weaponize it as an excuse to why they're not doing their thing. But it has not lost on me the serendipity that got me out of the Soviet Union, got me to the U .S., gave me the mother that I had, gave me competitive spirit, but also just pure love in my heart.
You know, I'm 50 now. I've watched many young children. nephews, children, nieces, friends, children, like some kids are just born with some shit.
And then if they're fortunate enough that those ingredients are cooked properly in the proper restaurant, well, then shit gets crazy. But here's what I'm intoxicated by. Tell me.
That if the person watching right now did not have all the best ingredients, DNA, did not have the greatest chef and sous chef parents, were not served in the best restaurant. the neighborhoods and environments they grew up in. What I'm intoxicated by, why I exist in public, is my belief is that people are obnoxiously more capable of changing than they realize.
And it's actually shockingly simple and the hardest thing in the world.
Shockingly simple and the hardest thing in the world. There were so many things that you just said that I want to make sure as you're listening, you really heard it. Because when you started to do the cadence of misunderstood, misunderstood, misunderstood, misunderstood.
The majority of people who feel misunderstood start to withdraw. Correct. And start to say something's wrong.
Yes. So for the person who's listening right now that feels like I suck at school, I just got fired from a job, I want to be, I'm so different from my family, I can't find somebody to date that's interested in me, or like I'm misunderstood, misunderstood, and it is like . How do you flip that sense that the world doesn't get you into something that propels you?
By not wanting the world to get you. Say more. You know, I'm just confused why you need your spouse to fully understand you.
Why you need your mother to fully understand you. Why you need your fucking coworker to fully understand you. The answer to your question, Mel, is being comfortable with being misunderstood.
By realizing someone's subjective opinion of you, who is not you, can never fully know you. Not even the people that are closest to you. So how could a stranger in the comments of an Instagram post have a prayer of knowing who the fuck you are?
By the way, Mel Mafia, that's what I call you guys. I apologize for the cursing. I'm a little bit of a Jersey boy.
I'll try to rein it in because I know occasionally it allows someone not to hear me. I appreciate you saying that because there are a lot of people that listen to The Car with Littles. However, however, it is important that you also acknowledge that That is just who you are.
Comma, I'm incredibly empathetic to the people that have historically not consumed my content or not followed me because if they in their life genuinely believe that cursing is atrocious and a sign of lack of intelligence or whatever they may think it is, I have the humility and the empathy and compassion to understand that.
It's funny that I called it out. I tend not to. But I think it comes out of just the deep respect I have for you and what you're building and kind of like, I know I'm different and you have incredible people on here.
And I know just like you are the exact human that was built to break through for someone. I know that I'm the exact human to break through for a lot of people right now. And I worry about the seven or nine that won't go much further because of the cursing.
Yet I'm the human on earth that is about to say the sentence or two that fundamentally changes their perspective. And the only thing life is, is how you see it. There is no life.
There is no real world. There's just your perception. There's just what you bring to the table.
You are either cynical because you are deeply insecure or you are deeply optimistic because you're incredibly purely confident. You have your life experiences. You have the things you were told.
Most people that are listening right now, Mel, are scared. This is something we need to talk about. So when somebody who is listening to you say that the biggest problem right now is that people are scared, there is so much fear, and there are plenty of reasons in life to be afraid.
But allowing it to dominate what you do next is really the skill that somebody can learn to flip from cynicism, there's nothing I can do, to there's always something I can do. Well, there's unlimited reasons to be optimistic. Talk to the person who's cynical right now and who wants to be more optimistic, who wants to have courage.
Stop listening to politicians.
Thanks for having me, everyone. That's it, Mel. There is nothing else.
Do you understand who you consume, what you consume is who you become? One of the reasons I schlepped here is because I want to honor you being a human being who I know has fundamentally made it better for people. Like, I do not understand how people continue to be confused.
There are two ways to . One is to just be talented enough to build the biggest building in town and you admire everyone else's buildings, even the ones that are even bigger than yours. Yeah.
Comma, the choice that most people take, which is they build a crappy little building and they spend 100 % of their time trying to tear down everybody else's building. This is shockingly hard and wildly easy. Algorithms.
Ready? Yes. Gary, you don't get it.
You always talk about social media. I'm so mad at you. It's my algorithm.
Watch this, everyone. You want a task at home right now? Open your Instagram or TikTok.
And when you get a piece of content, politics, schmolitics, negativity, manscaping, whatever, you know, whatever you got, literally click the buttons on the top right corner on Instagram or the bottom right corner on TikTok and say not interested. And keep doing that. For one day.
And then go to search and type in joy, enter. And then like five or six things that pop up. And then go back to search and type in happy and get some content and like and follow a couple things.
And this is very important. Then go to search and put in Gary VEE and follow that account. And on and on.
My friends, the algorithm did not change you. The algorithm exposed you. Oh.
It's so true. Oh, I know, Mel. For somebody who's listening, because I do think that you're right, and most people are in their heads spending all kinds of time either tearing themselves down and coming up with reasons why they can't, or looking around at other people and using it as evidence to see why they can't, or spending a lot of time tearing other people down instead of spending the same amount of time lifting themselves up.
How, if somebody who's listening starts to have a moment of reckoning where you're like, you know, I'm kind of sick of this version of myself. I'm kind of sick of feeling like I'm stuck. I'm sick of being jealous of everyone else.
I am living in a lot of fear. Nobody's going to do this for me, but nobody's stopping me from doing what I'm capable of doing. I'm the one in my own way.
And I'm using excuses at scale. And I continuously go back to my mom fucked up when I was eight. No shit, Sally.
And? Like you're grown now, you're 34. And the answer is action.
Therapy. Therapy is a good one. Instead of buying dumb shit to cover up your hurt, why don't you go invest it into therapy?
Do you know how many people have BMWs that actually needed to go buy therapy sessions with that money? Please do not use materialistic things to show the world you're good. When we all know you're not.
Right, Mel? Yeah. Do you know why there's such a big consumer world?
Like people buy stuff? It's because we use it as proxies to disguise behind the makeup of our materialistic things to... not allow you to see what's actually happening.
We have a pandemic of keeping up with the Joneses, not because of social media and we see other people with stuff, but because modern parenting left accountability out of the ingredients of the last 30, 40 years. Let's talk about that. You have two kids.
Yes. And you're also, for as public as you are, I really respect the fact that you're very private about your personal life. Outrageously.
Outrageously. And I would love to have you talk about this in the lane of accountability, because there is a lot of blaming your parents, blaming the circumstances. And there are very real circumstances that are very unfair.
Correct. There's horrible things that happen to people. Every day.
I do not believe everything happens for a reason. I believe shit happens. A lot of it's unfair, but you have to find a reason to move on.
And to grow. Because other people who've also been in that situation have found a way, and so the question becomes, it is not impossible. Yes.
Like, that's important. Like, to your point, there are a lot of atrocious things. What about the fact that 800 million people, roughly 10 % of the world right now, cannot get a glass of clean water as we sit here in this room?
Like, perspective is confused out there. There are people that have real alcoholic parents abandoned by parents, foster home, other scary stuff. The problem is, it's like, it is.
I mean, my mother is the most optimistic, joyful, warm human on earth. Here's my mother's story in a nutshell. She lost her mother at five.
Her mother died when she was five years old. Her father... went to jail for 10 years when she was 9, 10, because the Soviet Union is a really fucked up place.
For the things that I get put on Mel's podcast for, my grandfather went to jail for. Like, real shit, right? I mean, that's a tough fucking hand.
You know? And yet, incredible capacity. to choose optimism and is more joyful and optimistic than anyone in our extended families who all, quote unquote, had it better.
And by the way, as atrocious as that was for my mom, there are thousands listening now that had it even worse. I get that. The question becomes, when is it not your parents' fault anymore?
Let's start with that one. Mel, I'm actually asking you. Let's flip it.
This is the Gary Vee audio experience. Here we go. At what age, roughly, you're just one woman.
You just have one subjective opinion. There's no right or wrong answer to this. But let's talk.
Sister, talk to me like we're just walking in the backyard. We're on a walk. Just for fun.
A general number. This is just the world, obviously, incredibly circumstantial, everyone's life. But for fun, at what age, Mel, do you believe that it is no longer?
fun or interesting to just keep blaming your parents. At what age are you able to stand on your own two feet and choose who you surround yourself with, what you actually believe, how you limit your interactions with those parents or any other person that pushes negative propaganda 24 -7? At what age are you a big girl now?
Well, I wouldn't say it's an age. I say it's the moment you decide to pay for your life. That's right.
There is a point of view that has been very helpful to me, which is understanding that people can only give you what they have to give. And people can only provide you with the parenting experience largely based on what was done to them. That's right.
There's some real evil people out there, but there's also a lot of people that do bad things that don't know what they're doing. We've got to get into a place of what's an inconvenience or a darn it versus a catastrophe. I mean, what people now deem as my parent fucked me up only 40 years ago was like a skinned knee.
I mean, there are people who blame their parents for things that were inconceivable. I mean, like missing one football game. well, you missed the big game where I threw three touchdowns.
Well, here's the thing. Like your parents did the job that they did. And at some point you have to take that as a fact and decide what are you going to do next?
That's it. And are you going to look back with judgment or are you going to look back with understanding and a bit of compassion and then be an adult and either forgive and have a conversation about it Have some boundaries around it.
Do you know what my opening line was to VCon 3, my big conference? Literally walked on stage, 10 ,000 people, opening line, F your grandparents. What do you mean, F your grandparents?
That was my opening line. Why? Because I am so tired of people being so mad at their mom and dad without taking a good look at what their grandparents did to mom and dad.
We love little granny because she gives you cookies and gave you five bucks. But meanwhile, Grammy screwed up your mom so good that you've spent your whole life blaming your mom. Like, at what point are you able to understand it's not their fault either?
And now, Mel, let's transition. Let's do it. The bigger question.
Okay. What are you doing by verbalizing to everyone in your world that this happened? You're keeping it alive.
Yeah, what are you asking for? You're asking for pity. You're asking for compassion.
You're asking for enablement. You're creating a framework of entitlement. You're using it as a weapon to justify why not.
Instead of going all in on, I'm just not motivated enough right now, and I've got to do this or that. Once you go fully accountable, when you love yourself all the way, but you also have the humility and understand you're a human being and you just might suck at a lot of things.
And that's super duper okay. Once you go there, it gets real light. I think what you're saying, if I give it back to you, is that what you see in what's holding a lot of people back is so much time and energy spent looking backwards and blaming versus standing in the present moment going, this happened, it had this impact on me, and.
And what am I going to do next? What am I going to take responsibility for moving forward? Now that I've acknowledged what's happened, I get it, but I am an adult now, and it is time for me to figure out what do I want with my life?
And that's why I get so excited. You know, people make fun of me about how I think about age. Yeah.
As you see, people probably razz me on the internet like, Gary, I'm 90. And I'm like, you have time. They like these skits.
What excites me about that is I do believe people somewhere between 25 and 45 in that kind of window can get to this place where they're exhausted of pointing fingers. Right? It took me to about 47.
Well, actually, it was 41 when I woke up and realized nobody is coming to save my ass from this mess that I'm in. Not my husband, not my parents. It is nobody else's responsibility.
We're in a gigantic hole. And since... I don't see anybody else coming with a ladder.
I better stop bitching and feeling sorry for myself and get to work. And when you go from even we, and I assume you're bringing your husband into that, right? Yes.
And you go into I. I. I have to do this.
Like we is good because that's only two. That's better than, but when you go to I. I.
It's not a we, it's a me. But I need all the people I'm talking to right now on the camera. I'm like, even if your spouse is the one who's like, let's make this invest.
Like, what are you going to? Blame him or her forever? Well, I think that's a problem in a lot of relationships.
No shit. Why do you think I'm bringing it up? I'm going to say it again.
If your husband made you buy that third home in South Carolina and it was a flop, or if your wife made you invest in a stock that, what, are you going to just raz her in perpetuity? What, are you going to tell Johnny for the rest of your life, our life would be better if you didn't make us buy that fucking house in Miami?
That's not real. Mel, it's not real. So what do you do?
Because what you're basically saying is you have no idea how much time and energy you spend blaming other people for the state you're in in your life, whether it's people who have what you want or people that had a lot more privilege and had a better start than you did, or it's your parents for the things that they didn't do or that they did do, or it's your spouse because they're not showing up a certain way and you're missing the single most important factor in your life that changes everything, which is you.
Instead of like... Like, envy and jealousy is driving me crazy. Why have you chosen, friends, to look at the three people on earth that are in their 20s that are trillionaires or who've spent a million dollars on plastic surgery to look incredible?
Why are you choosing to shape yourself up to them? Don't you know there's 8 .3 billion other people that you could shape yourself up to? And I'm going to say something nice and slow.
If you are capable, to be listening to the Mel Robbins podcast. If you are right now capable of having the time, whether you're on a treadmill, walking the damn dog, driving to work, if you are a human, by the way, that is maybe potentially doing it on a phone that costs several hundred dollars, if you're even a human that is hearing these words, you have it much better than most of the entire world.
So how about that? How about not wah -wah, I'm not Timothee Chalamet? Like, how about 8 .3 billion people?
How about 800 million people can't get clean water? How about all the truth of the world? How about you do have it better than your grandma had it?
How about real shit? How about gratitude? Enough of this envy.
There's been so much envy, so much jealousy, as if anyone else's life has anything to do with you and comma. You know anything about their actual real life. So true.
We put all these people on a pedestal, and meanwhile, that person is drinking a bottle of bourbon tonight because they can't deal with the pressure of the world's judgment because their emotional foundation isn't good enough. When are we going to lead into gratitude? Do you think gratitude is the way you flip from blame?
Yes. Because I think a lot of people are probably leaning in going, boy, okay, like if you were to just... calculate, okay, what are all the things I'm blaming on my childhood?
And it's holding me back because you're dragging it with you if you're still looking backward. Or blaming your spouse or blaming your boss or blaming your daughter who's living the life you wish you were living and you feel like you're doing it for her and no one did it for you. Blame, blame, blame, blame, blame, blah, blah, blah.
Gratitude. And here's a big one. How about some humility?
Can we get humility back into the game? Why do people think humility is weak? I don't know.
I think people think kindness is weak. I don't get that. No shit, neither do I.
Like in this nanosecond, like taking myself out of the podcast, I'm so happy right now because I'm happy people listen to you. I'm happy people listen to me. I'm happy, you know, people are focusing on all the bad that's out there.
There are so many outlets to get good now. Yes. There's so many.
And this is the point. First of all, kudos to everyone who's listening. You chose to consume some positivity.
You chose to consume some accountability. You may not know why you like Mel, but I do. Why do they like me?
Because they're on the cusp of change. They're in the pregame. I'm excited.
Literally, I don't know if you can see these. I'm pumped for them. They're close.
Right? Yes. They're consuming you because they're close.
Yes. And you listen because you sense something that Gary and I know is true. That you are capable of bananas extraordinary things.
And let me say that real quick. If you can shift your mindset. Let me say something about that.
Say it. For extraordinary things, not tens of millions of listeners to your podcast or 33 businesses that you're juggling. The number one thing I have.
is not all the things you think I have. The number one thing I have is peace of mind. Do you know what I want for everyone?
I don't want them to have a blue checkmark, Mel. I don't want them to have a million fucking followers. I don't need them to have a top five podcast or big businesses.
I need them to have peace of mind. Do you know how many people listening right now should make a lot less money?
They're making $240, but they don't like their job. They're living above their means, so they need their job to continue to pay for their lifestyle of things that bring them no actual joy. And you know what they need to do?
They need to simplify their life. We must get out of this materialistic keeping up with the Joneses. Now, listen, I need action.
Like, there's plenty of people listening right now that don't need simplicity. I need action. I need people because I love them too much.
I need the game. I'm too creative. It's like too fun.
I'm a city boy. I'm a people person. I love everyone regardless of what their intent is towards me.
I need it, right? But if I didn't, no one on earth would know me. I would live in the middle of absolutely nowhere and I would do simple things because I'm comfortable in being who I actually am.
That is the secret to life. Period. Are you comfortable with yourself?
Are you proud of yourself? Peace of mind means you're not questioning, who am I? What should I be doing today?
What does this person think of me? That you know who you are. You know your intention.
And I think this is really, really important because you chase the material thing because you think. That if you have the right purse or the right car or the right outfit on or the right house in the right neighborhood or you belong to the right club or you have your nails done the right way, that other people are going to think you are a certain person.
And that is going to give you the confidence and peace of mind. That's right. It doesn't.
Nope. It anchors your self -worth in someone else's opinion, which you will never control, which means you will always be chasing other people's opinions in order to get the validation that you can give to yourself. Yes.
Do you know what my great hope is for 2050 to 2060? Is that the advancements of technology actually bring us back to simplicity. I believe this, by the way.
This is one of my theses of how it could go. And yeah, you might not have the same car. Your friends with husband might be just much more attractive than yours or whatever it might be.
You might be a director and not an SVP in your company. But I can tell you about me, Mel. I, the way I view people is 100 % based on their humanity.
The way I view, do I like someone, do I not? Mel, this may interest you. This you may not know about me.
I am wildly unimpressed, including myself, in people's business accomplishments. I really, truly believe, and I'm glad we're lasering in on this, that the measure of a person is not what they have.
It's how they treat other people. The only thing I actually live my life for is my funeral. Let's go here because one of my most favorite things that I have ever seen you do or say, it is a video.
You're going to know exactly which one it is as I start to speak. You are in a cab, I believe, and the window is down and you're at a stoplight and a woman runs over and is like, Gary, Gary, oh my God, Gary, I love you. You know, I need some motivation today.
Give me some motivation. And you look out the window and you look at her and you say, you're going to die. And she's kind of startled.
And I don't remember the exact words, but it was, you're going to die. We're all going to die. What really matters is how do you want to live?
How do you want to live? And while you're here and while you're still on this side of the dirt and while people that you still love can still walk into the room, how are you going to live? Because you do not want to get to your funeral and go, God, I wish I had.
Yeah. Boy, I wish I would as a better person. See, I am like you.
I constantly think about that moment. I want to reflect back and go. I was a good mom.
I was like a good friend. I gave it a good run. I gave more than I took.
I scratched the itches. You know, I'm very passionate about what I'm about to say. I think we've lost our way with the elderly.
I think the last 30, 40 years of technology advancements have made us make fun of grandparents because they don't know how to use open claw. or, you know, instant messenger, or Snapchat. And I think we've really done a disservice to ourselves by misunderstanding what true wisdom is.
A hundred years ago, the thought of disrespecting an elder was as foreign as you can imagine. I like tactics sometimes. I got a weird one, everyone.
This is a big one, actually. It's a very left -field one. I promise you, I've literally never heard anyone else get hot on this one, so I like bringing it up.
If you can volunteer five hours to a retirement home in your general area, literally call them, email them. Be like, hey, was this something to Mel's podcast? Super weird, you might think, but is there any way for me to give five hours?
So much good will happen in that five hours. First of all, a lot of people in those places are quite lonely, unfortunately, and really, right? Even saying it, like coming out of my mouth, I was like, mm, and then you're mm, and I know a lot of people just went mm, right?
It's just the way it is. It's really tough. So that breaks my heart, and you would be doing a real mitzvah, a real gift, a real nice thing, like talking to a 91 -year -old woman about her life will bring her incredible joy of just companionship, but here's a little secret.
it's going to do a lot more for you. And let me tell you, as someone who has gone out of his way to sit with people in their 80s on planes and at airports and in random moments in my life, the number one thing everyone listening to this podcast wants to avoid is regret. If anything comes out of this podcast, if one person, if one of you, if one of you decide to do something tomorrow, Jump out of a plane skydiving.
Quit your job and become a dog walker and live more humbly. Get out of a toxic relationship. Yeah.
Get out of regret. Do something tomorrow. Tomorrow.
Do something tomorrow. This is probably, you're probably consuming this right as the fall, you know. Yes.
The seasons change, right? Everyone in your life and in real life, we're coming out of summer. Like, we're in the go time.
It's September energy. It's football season. Tomorrow, tomorrow, do something that's been sitting in your tummy for a day, a year, and most likely a decade, Mel.
And just do it, actually. I promise you, whatever you're scared of is far less scary than 30 years from now telling some random stranger that looks like Gary that you... The worst sentence, Mel, is three words.
I wish I... Dot, dot, dot, dot, dot. And my great joy is that I don't live that way.
400 trillion to one, Mel. 400 trillion to one. My friends, the current scientific, I'm no scientist.
I got Fs in science, so bear with me. But what I've been able to consume, modern scientists that are way above my pay grade currently have the likelihood of becoming a human being at 440. trillion to one.
That you are you. That you were born. Mom could have went for another glass of wine before it went down, and the whole game would have been different, and you would not be you.
Like, it is a... Miracle is disrespectful to how impossible it is to have a life. So you're going to mope around your whole life?
Let me get this straight. You've won the ultimate lottery of the universe. Of the actual universe.
And we've decided we're going to mope and cry about dumb shit? And here's the best part. You don't like it?
Go change the room.
Right? Yes. You don't like it?
Change the room. You don't like your relationship? Change the house.
You don't like your boss? Change the office. You don't like your mindset?
Change it. Consume shit like this. Yeah, you don't like what's showing up on social media?
Change what you follow. The algorithm is exposing who you actually are. It's so true.
And, you know, listen, friends. The number one thing that's holding so many of you back is your lack of humility.
I'm telling you, my friends, I'm begging you. I'm like, nose to mic, I'm begging you. Lean into these old school values.
Humility, civility, like kindness towards, like open the door for someone. Do you know how many people I smile at, Mel? Everybody.
You should see me in an airport. I'm like, it's like a joke. I don't even know, like, you know, and now people know who I am.
So it was a lot more fun back in the day because, you know, like no one knew who I was. You're just a goofy guy with a big smile. And like, and by the way, a lot of people smile back and they need it.
And then I would say this. I think people like myself, like you, I believe happiness has done a bad job. Let me explain.
I think the last decade, unhappiness has been amazing at marketing.
that the people that are unhappy are doing a great job. They're taking time to go around the internet, look at people's clips, allow themselves to get triggered, and then leave nasty comments. They're working.
It is a full -time job to leave negative comments. I believe happiness is doing a bad job. I believe there are not enough of us.
And Mel, I'm going to say something right now that's really powerful. There's a lot of us, but they're quiet. They are quiet because they're not at the full place yet where they're willing to deal with the ridicule and the judgment for the bigger purpose.
I didn't deal with any issues in high school or junior high around trying to fit in. Like I was incredibly well liked because of how, you know, my personality is my personality. Peer pressure was non -existent.
I never compromised my morals or who I was in junior high or high school. I'm definitely not going to fucking do it as an adult. So for somebody, though, who is crippled by other people's opinions, and I remember when I first started putting myself out there online, I was absolutely terrified of what my friends were going to think.
I was... I felt cringy as hell. And it is human nature to post, then to check how many people, then to question what you post, then to go down and you've got a couple likes and then see who's not liking it.
And then look at the one comment that is the weird emoji. And then you wonder what they were actually thinking when they put the weird emoji and then laser focus on the thing that's negative instead of focusing on the thing that's positive. And I think that habit and instinct.
to go to what's wrong keeps so many people from leaning in and experimenting. Because you say, Gary, life shrinks and expands in proportion to your willingness to take risks and try new things. And for most people, putting yourself out there, whether it's posting online or changing your career or starting to exercise or starting that Etsy shop is...
Freaking terrifying. Yes, because their entire framework of how they see life is predicated on other people's opinions, everybody but them own selves. So how do you stop caring about what other people think?
Practice. How do I practice? By doing it.
You're looking at a boy who literally was scared shitless to swim and ride a bike. Like, there was a lot of things I was scared of that I think I just got. it all out of the system by the time I was 15, 16, 17, 18, somewhere in that range.
Okay, so for the 57 -year -old or the 27 -year -old or the 37 -year -old. Let me give you the big one. Parents, if you have a child that gets bad grades, I'm going to say something weird that I don't even know if I'm right, wrong, left, right, but I'm telling you, there's some real value.
I see so many people, so many people, Mel, that are scared right now. were too good of students. They drew too much in the line.
They get validation from outside. Every 90 days from a teacher, A plus, B plus, A minus. I think there's a lot there.
And so to answer your question, practice. You've got to get used to. Get ridiculed so much.
Get judged so much. Get pushed back so much that you can't hear it anymore.
What's interesting is that if you really think about the stepping up to the line, like I feel like you and I, our philosophy in life could be explained by the Nike tagline, just do it. And most people don't understand the most powerful word of those three words. It's just.
Because if their tagline had been do it, that's not that inspiring. The just. is so powerful because it honors this very human and universal moment of hesitation.
You said that the person that's listening right now is on the cusp of something. Yes, I believe that. You have gotten up out of the stands.
You've been watching a game. You're now standing there on the sideline of the pickup basketball court, and you are hesitating. That just is an acknowledgement that the hesitation is normal.
The hesitation is what you feel right before you push through. Can I use that analogy? Please.
This is very important, everyone. I feel like I'm on to one here, so lock in. If I went on a basketball court right now, and I'm a decent little player, but let's say this was just a really high -level game, and I sucked.
And the other nine people really went there of trying to make me feel bad about it. There's something in me that asks them in return a very simple question, which is like, you are correct. You nine are better at basketball than I am.
But now I have a question for you. Are you a nicer boy than I am? Are you as good at making money as I am?
Do you know how to make social media content as well as I do? Do you understand what live shopping is and how much that can change your nine person's lives today, today? Why have we gotten into a place where one or two or three things that you're not as good at are eating up all the oxygen?
My friends, every one of you is great at something. It's true. I have a great friend, Nate, who was my admin for a long time, my co -founder in Empathy Wines, now works in the golfing industry.
He was my admin when I had my son. And we got to play tennis a bunch because I had a couple weeks off. You're a tennis player?
Yeah, I hack a little. I kind of see in whites, okay. So I, we would play one set because I'd want to go home back to the boy and like da -da -da.
And twice in that summer, he was up 5 -1 and I won. Came back and won 7 -5 and 7 -6. Couple things.
One, it's because when I was down 5 -1, I started to change the energy of the court. I started to verbalize towards him and to myself. What did you say?
The first time, I just started talking of like, Nate, I have a feeling I'm going to come back. Like, it's crazy what verbalization does. Yes.
And then sports is wild. Life is sports. It's momentum.
Right now, people, there's a 39 -year -old woman right now listening to this and it's just not been going well. And literally, one point. a .k .a.
one action she takes tomorrow changes the whole calculus of the game and her next 50 years are epic. Do you know how intoxicating that is to me? Oh, I love this, too.
I love that you're one decision away, one action away from a completely different life. So anyway, I beat him. Okay.
And then the second time, I'm just like, Nate, you know this is about to happen again, and it did. For years, when we would be together, I would bring up these two comebacks. to razz him a little bit in like boy talk in business settings and different things.
And he would always eat it. And finally I turned to him and said, Nate, like after nine times using this on him, I looked at him and said, Nate, the next time I fucking say that, you look me dead in the face and ask me what my handicap is. Cause he's a remarkable golfer scratch.
And I played nine times in my life.
Everybody's good at something. And that's something me. might be you're just a nice person.
And I would argue in Gary Vaynerchuk's scale of life, being a good human is way ahead of 10 million followers and $10 million in cash. And you may not believe me because you don't know me, but that's because you just don't know me. I want to circle back because you told that story for a reason.
And the reason why you told that story is because you just gave the tool and the tactic that gets you off. the sideline. That's right.
Because as you're standing there, whether the sideline for you is I'm taking the real estate exam, I'm quitting this job, I'm leaving this relationship, I am going to learn how to make money online and do live shopping. Yes, I am. When you're standing on that line and the just do it and the hesitation is building, the only one criticizing you is you.
And when you start to smack talk yourself. I'm doing the damn thing. I know I'm scared.
I know it feels weird. Watch me make a comeback. Watch me change my life.
It changes the trajectory of your life because now instead of arguing against yourself, which is what's creating the hesitation, by the way, nobody else in your life is going, don't you dare do that thing. Of course. It's you.
It's heartbreaking. Don't you think it's heartbreaking? Yes.
And let me paint another picture if you allow me. Of course. Live shopping.
I'm obsessed. I know you're obsessed. So explain what live shopping is.
It's QVC on social media. That's right. Not complicated.
Yes. It is go on TikTok right now and scroll for a while. Inevitably, within your first 15 scrolls, somebody is literally, instead of a piece of content, there's somebody who's actually live selling normally some tchotchkes that you don't need.
Okay? Okay. But Mel, exactly where social media was.
You know, you said you stumbled on me 14 years ago. So we're talking 12, 2012? Yes, 2012.
I had already been making content about social for five full years every day. No kidding. Social, social, social.
Wine Library TV, yes. Yeah, Wine Library TV was 06. By 07, I'm making content of like, you can change your life on social.
Everyone can do this. YouTube, Twitter, Facebook. Then a year later, I write this book.
It comes out a year later, 09. That really puts me on where live shopping is right this second. is exactly where social was in 2014.
Okay. People know it. We've accepted that it's out there.
Yep. You've heard of it. People know what TikTok shop is.
People maybe have heard of whatnot. People have seen the headlines. It's not like everyone who's listening is like, what is that?
Like, they might be like, what is that? But also a lot of people listening right now are like, oh, I know what that is. Oh, I know what that is.
It's the shop now button. It's this button. And a lot of people think they've already missed it.
Like, oh, darn. Or like, I don't get it. Okay, this is a big theme.
Now, as you're listening to Gary right now, I want you to pay attention because he may be talking about live shopping. This is what's meant for you. This notion of I missed it.
I'm too late. I missed the window. Somebody else is doing it.
Now I can't do it. There's too many people selling purses already on shopping. I can't.
Crazy. Because of out there, your internal dialogue goes, not me. And a lot of times it sounds like I'm too old.
I'm too late. There's too many other people. And you're about to say you're wrong.
Not only are you wrong, we represent it. I, I've been podcasting since 2007. From 2000, when was COVID -19?
From 2014 to 19, I had a top 100 podcast. Mine was different. It was ripping audio out of things that I were doing.
And in two seconds, because you did it better, it didn't matter how many years of a head start. Do you want to know something crazy though, Gary? In 2018.
Yes. I remember seeing your podcast. I remember seeing other people's podcasts.
I wanted to do a podcast because I had gotten my start in the media business by hosting a local radio show Saturday mornings here in Boston. You know what I told myself as I'm standing on the sideline, watching your ass do your podcast, and I'm feeling the just do it hesitation. Oh my God.
I said, well, Gary's already done it. So the motivation and the, you know, that kind of thing that I want to do, it's already taken. It would be.
Another six years before I stopped talking myself out of it and actually did it. How about this? How about in this podcast, I said very clearly, there are 10 ,000 listeners that are nice people too and want good for others that actually can do it.
Of course. Do you know how crazy that is? Just this listener group, there's 10 ,000.
people that can start right now. They're in dead zero. Well, everybody starts at dead zero.
No shit, Sherlock. And in a year, they could have a totally different life. The actual message to the person listening is there is something that you are on the cusp of.
There is something you are amazing at. And the more you sit around and watch everybody else do it, the more you are going to rot inside because you're not doing anything.
The more you get your two index fingers and put them in your ears and you can't hear others and you take these risks and do things, the more likely your life will be joyful. You are literally, I'm thinking about this woman right now. I could just see her.
You're not going to do this because you go on TikTok and you sell something. You're concerned about the looks of the fellow moms when you drop off your junior high daughter. Because you, for some reason, value if they think that you're doing it because you don't have enough money or all these.
Or you're trying to be an influencer. You're stuck in sixth grade. And my thing is, when the alpha of your group, because you're not, comes up to you and says, hey, Mal, saw your little TikTok thing.
Like, what's going on? Is John not bringing enough money home? You guys need a couple bucks?
We're happy to give you a couple of dollars. When she goes there. My brain goes to that basketball game and you say to Susan or Sally McGee or Jocelyn, hey, Joss, how about X, Y, and Z?
Because the thought that Jocelyn, the alpha that's going to razz you, has everything perfect is insanity. Well, the other thing that's insanity is that you're allowing another person's opinion. To stop you from living your life.
And this goes to regret, Mel. And it goes to, you're going to die. That's right.
And is the eulogies at your funeral going to be, well, she had all these dreams in her heart, but she was afraid of Jocelyn. That's right. And so instead, she kind of lived a small thing and didn't take any risks and lived with a lot of regret.
That's right. And really, you know, at the end, Jocelyn moved on to a different friend group. That's right.
But she thought a lot about how she should have done it, and then she beat herself up about regret. That's right. And so if we've learned anything in this podcast, it's fuck Jocelyn.
I mean, like really though, like friends, when are, and, and again, this is what intoxicates me about being here. You are not choosing as a human being to listen to this podcast over tuning into CNN and Fox and scaring yourself or celebrity like interviews or whatever, or the recap reunion show of like the reality. And by the way, Oh, that's fine.
It's great entertainment. I watch sports. Like, that doesn't mean anything.
It's an escapism. It brings me joy. It's a balance to all the other stuff.
Yes. But I know this. If you've decided to listen to this podcast, you're close.
I can't get over this. This is what keeps running in my head. I know they're close.
I know it. Yes. Because I've lived it my whole life.
Also, the last 20 years, people that consume my stuff are close to action. And you want it like you don't pass time listening to this. You make it.
because there is something in you that you know needs to be unearthed. And you listen to this because you're looking for the encouragement. You're looking for somebody like Gary who has been there and who does this every day to say, you can do this, but you have to stop listening to everybody else's opinion.
You have to stop letting fear stand in your way. It is about action. Talk is so cheap.
And it's hard, by the way. By the way, listen, friends. I know Mel and I have been like really jamming like a rock band in our garage for an hour on this one thing.
Listen to me, friends. It is not lost on me on how hard this is. When you are fully bought into other people's opinions, you've probably been there for 20 to 30 years to just be like, oh, yeah, Gary and Mel like are ranting now and I'm going to do it.
It's not quote unquote that easy. And yet it is. And I will say it like.
I can speak from personal experience. At some point, . You know, at some point, you're just going to jump.
You just are. And here's my big one. Here's my big one tactically.
You need to start surrounding yourself with people that are cheering for you to jump in the pool, not making fun of you for not being in the pool. How do you do that when, in the physical world, they're not around you? Because we get a lot of questions about this.
I bet you do, too. The digital world. So how do you build the cheering group online?
Ready? When Mel posts on Instagram, reply to other people's replies to her post and start becoming friends, all of you. Mel Mafia, start becoming friends with each other in Mel's comments.
Here's what's going to happen, Mel. Sally reads all the comments from your post. She finds Kristen's comment that she associates with.
She replies, Kristen, I couldn't agree with you more. She also clicks Kristen's profile and looks at her profile and says, P .S., your dog is so cute. Got it?
We're putting a little effort into positivity. Kristen is just a regular good old Kristen. She's not accustomed to people liking her comment and replying to it.
She sees it in her notification. She then goes, looks. She's on the receiving end of love and warmth.
She reads that comment. She looks at the first person's comment and says, oh my God, I love your backyard. You know what happens next?
One of them DMs each other. You know what happens next? That goes on for a couple of weeks.
You know what happens next? A phone call, a Zoom. You know what happens next?
They actually meet in person. I love this. Our slogan in Be Friends is strangers become acquaintances.
Acquaintances become friends and friends become family. I'm obsessed with this. Do you know why I love collectibles and believe it's a huge trend and that it's about to join fashion and sports and music as a lifestyle genre?
Because collectibles, you don't need the cardboard of a baseball card that's worth $2 million. It's worth nothing. You don't need the pieces of paper of a comic book that ends up being worth $10 ,000.
The actual intrinsic value is nothing. You definitely don't need collectibles. It is not a necessity.
The only necessity about collectibles is community. Do you know why sports works? It's something that's not the most important thing in the world that brings everyone together and we're talking about the same thing.
Do you know why music works? You all like, it's tribalism on something that's positive. Do you know what Comic -Con looks like?
Oh my God, if you wear a Spider -Man outfit and someone else loves Spider -Man, these are two strangers that hug it out like they're long -lost best friends. Collectibles are important because when I go to the trade show in Chicago, for four days, hundreds of thousands of people, we just all like cardboard with athletes on it.
I want to take this because there is something about your life that you love. Needle pointing, gardening. It could be tractor pulling.
It could be anything. People around you misunderstand you. You can find a community of people that are in it, and if you put yourself intentionally in it, get up to the line, just do it, hesitate, hesitate, I'm doing it, and you jump into that community, you now feel lifted up.
Mel, this whole little rant is why I believe social media is the greatest, not the worst. Everybody has become infatuated with talking about all the bad of social. You said something very important earlier.
You said for the people here who can't physically find it around them. Yes. They were in a neighborhood, all their family members, negative Nellies.
All their friend group, cynical cats. The fact that they can open their phone and comment in Mel's Instagram posts and find her people. Friends, all of you that love this podcast, the biggest mistake you're doing is not interacting with each other in Mel's comments.
That is a huge gift. It's actually me and Mel. It's actually the number one thing that I want to happen with content.
I want one of the things that's not happening is I want everyone to start using the comments like Facebook groups rather than talking to me and commenting to me. Comment to each other. Yes, because it's bigger than us.
Yes. What we do for a living is so uncomfortably bigger than us. I don't think it's about me at all.
Nor do I. I want to ask you some rapid fire questions. Please.
Because this is what people, when, you know, people are looking for advice from you online, these are the top things people ask you. Okay. What's one thing the person listening can do today to build self -confidence?
Make a video that tells everybody all their shortcomings. What? Mel, everything is the last scene of 8 Mile, Eminem's movie.
Eminem's movie, 8 Mile, the last scene is a battle rap. Eminem goes first, which is actually a disadvantage in battle rap. So what does he do?
He flips the script. He makes fun of himself the entire time. And then at the tail end, he goes, but I know something about you, to Clarence.
I believe the number one thing that most people watching or listening to this podcast should do is make a video and tell the world what they suck at.
Wow. It is the great liberating piece of content that is sitting on the fingertips of society that no one's doing. Because once you take control of it, they don't have control of it.
Oh, the thing you're afraid to say actually owns you. Owns your fucking ass. It's your jail.
Almost everyone is not posting because of something like that. And almost everybody is not posting because they think there's a perfect thing to post. Correct.
And the only thing to post is the thing you're afraid to say. I'm brand new at posting music videos. And I'm scared to death to do this.
And some of you may think this sucks. And I've been talking myself out of it for 17 months. But here goes.
And everybody's not posting. And I mean everybody. Almost no one's actually posting.
And they're all not posting. You know why? They like their little facade.
They're safe in their fakeness.
They want everyone to think it's awesome. Johnny and me are doing great. My kids are perfect.
Everyone's fucking great. No one's great. And that's what's great.
Everyone's got something. Jeez. What's the piece of advice you would give to somebody who wants to start a business?
And what's the worst? The best advice is, are you actually capable? You know, I got scared.
You know, I am one of the proud things I am is I definitely feel like I'm in a very small group of people that made being a business person or entrepreneur cool 20 years ago. It feels really neat. You know, you inspired.
So what does that feel like to know that you've inspired millions and millions and millions of people around the world to lean in, start, change your life, start a business? Well, you know, it's so funny you represent something even cooler, which is I got to do it so early. That so many people came along, were inspired by me, that have inspired more people than even I did.
It feels so good. All I want is the world to wake up.
That's all I want. And what? And realize it's awesome.
Like, it is. Now, it might not be awesome right now because you're $80 ,000 in debt. Your marriage is falling apart.
Like, your kid is struggling. But it is. Like, this is the brain fuck.
It's awesome. Because you have a chance to change it. I think the big mistake that people make is thinking that there is some perfect life, there is some life where you're going to be happy all the time, and that that's the point of life.
And the goal is not perfection or happiness. What is perfect? It's aliveness.
What's perfect? By whose fucking definition? So when you say awesome, life is awesome, I think what you're saying is you don't actually have to feel like it's awesome for you to call your life beautiful and good.
Mel, the New York Knicks. Do you know how much joy I still feel and most of New York City feels about what happened a couple months ago? Do you understand that the Knicks were losing by 29 points late in an NBA Finals and no team had ever done it before?
And guess what? We did. There is someone right now who's down 29 points.
Down 29 points in the fourth quarter and can win. Do you know how cool that is? Do you know how awesome that is?
Everything's gone wrong and one smart decision. But it starts with, this is on me. And this is where the politicians have been brilliant.
This is where the bosses have been brilliant. And this is where the parents have been brilliant. They've weaponized and manipulated their subjects.
into thinking they can help them. Mel, do you know what's really cool? Tell me.
I don't think I can help anyone. I do not believe that Gary Vee Content or me, the human, can help anyone, but I can help them realize that they can help themselves. Correct.
So if someone's looking for a job right now, whether they lost it or they're in a new grad in this market, Gary, what is the number one skill that you think they should be focusing on? Making content on LinkedIn.
Making content on LinkedIn? How about that one? You know why?
I'm obsessed with optionality. What does that mean? Let me explain.
If you lost your job and you're like debating, do I want another job similar or do I want to do something on my own? If everyone understood what I understood, which is LinkedIn is exactly the same thing as Facebook and Instagram, except the audience perspective and mentality when they're on it is different. If you put out content on LinkedIn, whether it's about the things you think about your industry, so you're an executive assistant.
Yep. And so you're making content on LinkedIn about five rules. Hey, everyone, it's Susan.
I'm in between gigs. I've been doing executive assistant work for the last nine years. Just going to make this video.
Five things every executive assistant or someone getting into it should know about the game. Now, I want to point something out. Notice he said, I'm in between gigs.
Most people wouldn't say that. Because you don't want people to know that. And Gary is telling you, saying the thing you don't want to say is not a sign that you're a loser.
It's a sign that you're a winner and that you're secure in yourself and you're still showing up. Mel, your embarrassment is your advantage. What do you mean?
I mean, your embarrassment is your uniqueness. It's your nuance. It's your snowflake.
I just don't know how people can't see this.
Your unique situation is your biggest advantage, regardless if the world currently thinks it's right. Let me give you a big one for me. Yes.
I pounded against college for a decade in my content in the early 2000s and got completely shit on by everyone. Like what he's talking about is that for a decade, Gary was questioning. 2005, 7, 9, 11.
College is a waste for a lot of people. Do you need to go to college? You do not need to go to college.
The world is changing. 2007, I'm making a video saying college isn't right. And I always was nuanced.
If you're creative or entrepreneurial and your parents can't afford to pay for it, I do not think you should go take $120 ,000 in debt. to have a piece of paper that I'm projecting in 20 years won't matter. Yep.
And Mel, I got destroyed. Well. No, really, Mel.
It was probably the subject matter that I most got the most private and public comment heat of for a decade. Wow. Gary, you're saying this because you were a bad student.
You suck. You're not smart. You curse and you're bad at school.
You don't have intellect. Blah, blah, blah. And then miraculously, 15 years later, people are like, wait a minute.
What I'm saying is, if it's your truth, my truth was I thought a lot of kids were getting screwed by college. Yes, I agree with you. But man, was I on an island in 2007.
I'm telling you, I was in a really lonely place and I would not stop because I believed in my soul. And you think I want to tell the world that I sucked at candor for 20 years and was horrible at firing and that there's people out there that are still mad at me because I pulled the rug from out? I'm embarrassed.
Mel, I don't think all my other success... What do you do with those failures? Adjust.
Own and adjust. And then, by the way, my friends, pay attention to your relationship with should. My relationship with should is remarkable.
I don't use it. I don't think I should have anything. In fact, I think if I'm working 15 hours a day, let me say this slow, and for three years straight, I don't think I should have anything because if I'm not working effectively or something that's bringing value to someone, I should get nothing.
Cause and effect. That's a tough one. You know, like, okay, Gary and Mel, I've been working on my podcast for nine years, 12 hours a day.
Like, what's up? What's up as you stink? I'm sorry.
I mean, I don't know. It's okay. By the way, I stink a lot.
There's a lot of things I've done that stink, which is why I don't do them anymore. Correct. Now we're getting into like, are you navigating?
How self -aware are you? Where's your humility? But I'm going to say it again.
There's a lot of people exhausted because they are not realizing how much envy and jealousy is eating up their soul. I'm going to say it nice and slow. As of this moment that most people are listening, obviously people will listen this years from now, but knowing when this is going to air, They just went through June, July, and August, and they got triggered by someone else's happiness.
We need to talk about this more. I had a moment in my life where I just got tired of myself. That.
I got so sick of being a person that thought life should be different, that thought I should have the things other people did, that was jealous of people I wanted to be happy for. And I realized, wait. If I don't like the person I am and if I don't like how I feel, I'm not stuck as this version of myself.
In the realest way. I need to change this if I don't like the way my life feels. Even in the most competitive place I am as a professional.
Yes. Like I do business the way like athletes do athlete. I know.
I love that about you. You know, like they're like in real life, they're very sweet. But when they get on the field, they want to crush.
Yes. Even in my most competitive domain, my professional career, if you knew. How much joy I have for people that are seemingly on paper competing with me when they are winning what many of my contemporaries view as coming out of them, it does not even register.
I could not be happier for people that pass me in following count, pass me in financial status, pass me in listener count. I could not be more happy for all of you. Why?
Because the world is abundant and your joy has nothing to do with me. My joy is my joy and your joy is your joy. And friends, there's unlimited stuff.
There's unlimited happiness. There's unlimited love. There's unlimited joy.
There's unlimited materialistic things. And just like no one's taking out of you, you're taking out of you. If this were the last thing that you could share with somebody, the one message that you wanted the person who's been listening to this to remember, what would it be?
That nothing in the end. In the end, none of the shit that you're worried about is going to actually matter. So if that is true, and guess what, I know everyone knows I'm right, then why not start living your life that way right this second?
What are your parting words? That life can be so much better than the way it is right now. I think there's a confusion in the system.
I really, really love you, and it's time you love yourself. Gary, I really love you. I do.
And I know you don't do a lot of interviews. And so the fact that you wanted to be here, that you made the time to be here, that you did that both for me as somebody who I truly, when I tell you this, I am where I am in my life because of the content that you put out and the message that you put out and the way that you've changed the way that I think.
in everything that you've done, that there is this incredible combination of ambition and confidence and fun and business and go and build and chase and how fucking cool is this? And at the same time, this humble, connected, profound understanding of what is true in life. And I feel like you are a twin flame.
and a huge bright light. And I just want to thank you for truly changing my life and inspiring me. That is incredibly humbling.
And to me, it honors what I most believe in the world that is so much bigger than me, which is like, this is real. Right now, the world is very confused that hate is winning. My friends, hate's in trouble.
Love is always lurking. You know, and I'm really just uncomfortably proud of you. And more importantly, in this moment, there's just a lot of people listening that are on the cusp.
I am so proud and pumped for you, but I am here strictly because I know one person's ready to tip, and I know our combination today will do that. Well, Gary Vee, I love you. I love you back.
Thank you for coming here and partnering with me. on behalf of the person who spent all this time with us. And I just want to say to you, thank you for making the time to be with me and Gary.
Go follow him. Go comment with the other people in the comments, for God's sakes, and get off the damn line and get into the game. Your life depends on it, in case nobody else tells you.
As your friend, I'm going to be sure to remind you that I love you. I know Gary loves you, and we both believe in your ability to create a better life. Now go fucking do it.
So go fucking do it. And before you do that, though, I just want to thank you. Thank you for watching all the way to the end here on YouTube.
Thank you for being generous. This was Gary at his best. This was so profound.
This is a gift that you can share with everybody in your family. So I hope you will. And if that subscribe button is lit up, Gary will yell at me if I do not do the best practice and say, the best way to support me for supporting you, hit subscribe.
That way you don't miss a thing. And it also tells us you freaking freaking love what we're doing here because we love you.
All right. How are we going to beat that episode? Because that was amazing.
I know you want to see another one. Check out this episode of the Mel Robbins podcast. You're going to love it.
The Hook
The bait, then the rug-pull.
Mel Robbins calls this conversation twelve years in the making: the creator who first showed her it was possible to put herself out there online, finally across the table, making the case that almost nobody is actually trapped by their past -- they're just choosing not to act.
