19:51The Mindset Mentor Podcast · Talking Head
HOW TO BECOME ADDICTED TO DOING HARD THINGS
A 20-minute framework for reprogramming your brain to seek difficulty instead of avoiding it.
June 22ndThe argument in one line.
Procrastination, burnout, and plateaus are almost never tactical failures — they are your nervous system cooling your results back to what you subconsciously believe you deserve, and the only real fix is raising that identity setpoint.
Read if. Skip if.
READ IF YOU ARE…
- A high-achiever who suspects their ceiling is self-imposed and wants a framework to diagnose why.
- Someone who procrastinates even when they know exactly what they need to do and have the time to do it.
- A founder or executive whose productivity systems have stopped working and needs a reason why.
- Anyone navigating the tension between spiritual growth and hard-driving ambition who wants both, not a trade-off.
- Someone who accumulated a long morning routine and suspects it has become a crutch rather than a tool.
SKIP IF…
- You want specific business tactics or step-by-step execution frameworks — this is mindset and identity work.
- You are already familiar with Ed Mylett's thermostat and mini-day frameworks from his own podcast.
- Long conversational podcasts with mutual admiration between hosts are not your format.
The full version, fast.
The episode argues that almost every performance problem traces back to identity: you unconsciously turn on an internal air conditioner whenever your results are about to exceed what you believe you deserve. The fix isn't more discipline; it's raising the setpoint through proximity to people who operate at a higher level and by physically anchoring peak emotional states so they become your new default. Tactically, Ed structures his day as three six-hour mini days with full resets at noon and 6PM, cuts meetings to 28 minutes, and schedules his most important work during his known peak-energy window rather than filling a default 9-to-5 block.
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Create a free account →Who's talking.
00:20guestEd Mylett
00:00hostJay Shetty
Where the time goes.
00:00 – 01:01
01 · Cold open / intro
Branded promo and guest introduction
01:01 – 04:20
02 · Working on self-improvement
Ed reveals childhood fear-wiring from growing up as the son of an alcoholic; introduces the emotional home concept
04:20 – 07:44
03 · Rewiring emotional responses
Anchoring peak states physically — finger snap, kneeling prayer; replacing fear-seeking with peace-seeking
07:44 – 11:13
04 · Subconscious anchors
Jay extends anchoring to anxious insomnia; how to re-anchor the head-hitting-pillow trigger
11:13 – 14:05
05 · Audit your goals
Checking whether a goal is still yours vs. inherited; the Jim Carrey clip on having enough
14:05 – 17:55
06 · The power of intention
Meeting Wayne Dyer in Maui; link confidence to intentions not abilities
17:55 – 19:42
07 · Critically analyze intentions
Jay's seed-vs.-weed framework for diagnosing ego-driven vs. love-driven decisions
19:42 – 24:27
08 · Follow through with intentions
Validating intentions with action; restaurant-family-at-a-funeral story; Mexican workers story
24:27 – 31:18
09 · Remove toxicity
Proximity reduction, truth-telling as frequency raiser, deposits before withdrawals
31:18 – 38:49
10 · Born to do something great
You're most qualified to help the person you used to be; Ed's father's sobriety; the big-papa story
38:49 – 44:47
11 · Bending and manipulating time
Three mini days framework — 6AM-noon / noon-6PM / 6PM-midnight; 21 days per week
44:47 – 50:21
12 · Rhythm of success
28-minute meetings, peak-energy scheduling, two-podcast-per-day maximum
50:21 – 53:58
13 · Create structure
Each level of success requires new structure; auditing and shedding the morning routine that got you here
53:58 – 58:55
14 · Stop procrastinating
Thermostat identity metaphor — procrastination is the air conditioner cooling results back to your setpoint
58:55 – 1:02:50
15 · Identity rooted in being, not doing
The danger of 'I am' followed by a doing word; identity must be rooted in character and intention
1:02:50 – 1:08:09
16 · The Three D's
Doubt, Discouragement, Delusion — the three forces used to derail high-achievers; close
Lines worth screenshotting.
- You procrastinate because your results are about to exceed your identity setpoint — your subconscious turns on the air conditioner to cool them back down.
- When your emotional home is fear or chaos, you will unconsciously create stress even when external conditions are good, because it is familiar.
- Physical anchoring locks peak emotional states into muscle memory — a finger snap, a kneeling position, any repeatable motion used during a peak state becomes a trigger.
- Most people evaluate their goals once a year; Ed evaluates his three times per day at the mini-day resets — noon, 6PM, midnight.
- Confidence rooted in intention is permanent; confidence rooted in ability or achievement collapses the moment performance dips.
- We are most qualified to help the person we used to be — imperfection is the credential, not achievement.
- Successful people require less information before taking action — procrastination is often a false belief about how much you need to know first.
- The three forces that derail high-achievers are Doubt, Discouragement, and Delusion — recognizing which one is active is the entire defense.
- Tying your identity to what you do means losing your identity every time your role changes — identity must be rooted in character and intention.
- A morning routine that worked at one level of your life will strangle your growth at the next — audit it like a closet and give away what you no longer wear.
- Most one-hour meetings do not need to be one hour; scheduling them that way just means you pace yourself to fill the hour.
- When you extend grace to someone who seems undeserving, you almost never have the full context of what they are carrying.
- Every level of success requires a different structure — people stagnate because they reach a new level still using the old scaffolding.
- The quality of your life is the quality of your emotions — the goal is not the mansion, it is how you expect the mansion to make you feel.
- Load your Mondays and Tuesdays heavy; protect the end of the week for recovery so momentum builds toward something instead of bleeding out.
Seven levers that actually move your internal thermostat.
WHAT TO LEARN
The ceiling you keep hitting is almost never a strategy problem — it is the number your subconscious has decided you deserve, and every plateau, procrastination spiral, and burned-out morning routine is just the air conditioner doing its job.
02Working on self-improvement
- Your nervous system wires an emotional home in childhood and returns to it by default — fear, chaos, and anger can feel like home even when external life is good, and recognizing the pattern is the first step to changing it.
03Rewiring emotional responses
- Peak emotional states can be physically anchored: choose a repeatable gesture during a moment of genuine bliss or peak performance, repeat it consistently, and the gesture itself becomes a re-entry trigger for that state.
05Audit your goals
- Audit whether your goals are still yours: goals inherited from parents, peers, or social expectation create invisible resistance because you're working for someone else's thermostat setting, not your own.
06The power of intention
- Confidence built on intention is permanent; confidence built on ability or achievement collapses the moment a performance dips — anchoring confidence to your intent to serve decouples it from outcome.
11Bending and manipulating time
- The 24-hour day is an archaic construct — treating a day as three six-hour blocks with a full reset at noon and 6PM compresses reflection, correction, and re-motivation into every calendar day rather than once a week.
- Most one-hour meetings are 28-minute meetings wearing a disguise — when you schedule more time than the task needs, you pace yourself to fill it, which erodes the rhythm productive people call momentum.
14Stop procrastinating
- Procrastination is your identity's immune system: whenever your results approach a level higher than your subconscious setpoint, you generate friction to cool them back down — raising the setpoint requires proximity to people who already live at that level.
15Identity rooted in being, not doing
- Tying your identity to what you do means your sense of self expires with every role change, career setback, or retirement — identity rooted in character and intention is resilient to all of those.
- You are most qualified to help the person you used to be — imperfection and past failure are the credential, not achievement.
16The Three D's
- Shedding habits and routines that got you to your current level is not disloyalty to the past — it is the structural upgrade every new level requires; sentiment about what worked before is how people stagnate.
- The Three D's (Doubt, Discouragement, Delusion) are patterns, not events — naming which one is active in a given moment is most of the defense against it, because you stop experiencing it as reality and start recognizing it as a tactic.
Terms worth knowing.
- Emotional home
- The 3-4 default emotions a person returns to regardless of external circumstances, wired in childhood and reinforced by repetition until they become the baseline the nervous system seeks out.
- Anchoring (NLP)
- Deliberately associating a peak emotional state with a physical gesture or motion so that repeating the motion later re-triggers the state without the original context.
- Identity setpoint (thermostat)
- The subconscious belief about what level of wealth, fitness, or success you deserve; you unconsciously cool your results back to this setting whenever they exceed it.
- Mini days
- Ed Mylett's time-management framework that divides a 24-hour period into three roughly six-hour blocks (6AM-noon, noon-6PM, 6PM-midnight), each treated as a full day with its own goals, reset, and evaluation.
- The Three D's
- Doubt, Discouragement, and Delusion — three internal states that derail high performers; Delusion means magnifying a problem or outcome far beyond its actual size.
- Deposits before withdrawals
- Relational equity principle: you must make enough investments of belief and support into a person before you have the standing to challenge or confront their behavior.
Things they pointed at.
03:20channelBert Kreischer
14:31bookThe Power of Intention by Wayne Dyer
20:00linkJim Carrey clip on having enough
1:07:30bookThe Power of One More by Ed Mylett
1:07:50linkDr. Daniel Amen interview (next episode)
Lines you could clip.
53:58
“You procrastinate because your results are about to exceed your identity and you're turning the air conditioner on.”
14:31
“Your confidence isn't your beauty or your ability — it's your intent.”
09:21
“You don't want the mansion — you want how you think it'll make you feel.”
32:44
“We're most qualified to help the person we used to be.”
39:55
“I have three eight-hour days in a day. I get twenty-one days in a week.”
58:58
“Your identity is not your MBA. Your identity is not your career. That is not your identity.”
Where the conversation goes.
01:01 – 11:13denseEmotional rewiring and childhood wiring
11:13 – 31:18denseIntention and identity
24:27 – 31:18steadyRelationships and toxicity
31:18 – 38:49densePurpose and legacy
38:49 – 53:58denseTime management and productivity
53:58 – 1:02:50denseProcrastination and identity setpoint
1:02:50 – 1:08:09denseBurnout and the Three D's
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metaphoranalogystory
00:00We're still operating the same time construct as people did fifty years ago, a hundred years ago, two hundred years ago. That is insane.
00:07I have three eight hour days in a day. I get twenty one days in a week. His dream was to be a professional baseball player.
00:13He's an entrepreneur, a philanthropist, podcast host. Today, he's recognized as one of the premier business leaders in the world. Ed Milet.
00:20Your identity isn't your career. That's not your identity. It's a very dangerous way to live your life.
00:25It's a hack to confidence nobody talks about is, Jay, this is an all time great conversation right now. Before we jump into this episode, I'd like to invite you to join this community to hear more interviews
00:36that will help you become happier, healthier, and more healed. All I want you to do is click on the subscribe button. I love your support.
00:44It's incredible to see all your comments, and we're just getting started. I can't wait to go on this journey with you. Thank you so much for subscribing.
00:51It means the world to me. The number one health and wellness podcast.
00:55Jay Shetty. Jay Shetty. The one, the only Jay Shetty.
01:01Ed, you're so confident. You're so strong. You're powerful.
01:05But at the same time, I know that you are going through your own healing journey, your own struggles, your own challenges. Like, what's what have you been working on inside?
01:14Wow.
01:15What a great question. Thank you for that. I have to say, I told you off camera.
01:18I know if I don't say this, I won't feel right. You have the most unique combination of confidence and humility about anybody I've ever met. Those are people I love the most.
01:25I love being around confident people, but they have these high doses of humility which keeps them humble. It it causes them to still wanna learn and grow.
01:33They don't think they know everything. Those people last the longest in business and in any endeavor. Same time, if somebody doesn't have a lot of confidence, you're feel like you're carrying those folks, your friends through life all the time.
01:43So in my case, you know, I grew up as a son of an alcoholic. And I think to some extent, there's these this wiring that happens when you're a child. And so some of the wiring I've recently discovered.
01:52I had Bert Kreischer, the comedian on my podcast, and it sort of came out of me when he was there. Bert's a very well known drinker, and it's almost a joke about how much that he drinks.
02:02And we're I asked him, I said, Bert, what kind of a husband or father do you think you are? And he said, I think I'm a 10 out of 10. And I think he is.
02:10And I told him, I said, you know, I just discovered something about myself, brother. And it was that my dad's drinking, it wasn't just that I was worried, you know, is he gonna get in a fight?
02:18Is he gonna be mean? Or mom and dad gonna disagreement? I said what happened was I worried about my dad.
02:25Is he gonna come home tonight? Is he safe? Is he in danger?
02:28And that wired into me as a little boy the neurology, the pattern of worry and fear.
02:34And so as I've gotten to be an older grown man, I've uncovered that the last year or two. I have a pattern where I have a tendency in my emotional home, so to speak, as I go back to worry and fear. And I don't wanna I don't wanna live that way.
02:46And so I've been working on unwiring that. That's the thing I've been working most on my healing journey is, you know, it's okay. Everything's gonna be okay.
02:54I'm blessed. I'm favored. And it's undoing that wiring of worry and fear because we all have an emotional home.
03:00We all have three or four emotions that no matter what happens in a given week or month, we're gonna get it. So if your emotional home is anger or worry or fear or frustration, no matter what the external conditions are, you're gonna find a way to get your hit of it because it's your home.
03:13Conversely, if your emotional home is peace or equanimity or bliss or ecstasy, passion, focus, you'll find a way on a regular basis to get that emotion that you're familiar with because our we're wired for it in our bodies and in our minds to be familiar with those emotions.
03:27So I just chose, what are the emotions I want? Do I want to live and worry and fear? Even though my external life is so great, I still have a tendency to worry and live fearfully.
03:36Or do I how do I want to live? I want to live in peace. I want some equanimity.
03:40I want bliss in my life. And so I've been rewiring that. And it's something I've been really, really excited about and proud of that I've done that work at, you know, at 50 years old, 52 now, it's been happening.
03:50Oh, wow. I'm so glad I asked that question. Already, I'm like because I think you're so right.
03:55I think everyone who's listening will be able to relate to what their wiring is from childhood. Where do we go? What's our emotional home as you just called it?
04:03Where do we disappear to? And it's really interesting because I always talk about my childhood similarly being quite chaotic Mhmm. And quite intense.
04:12Mhmm. But my mother's love was like this protective shield.
04:16You've told me that. Yeah. That really helped me.
04:19Mhmm. And now when I'm listening to you, I'm actually thinking what I want and I think what we're both trying to develop is peace in the storm.
04:27Amen. It's equanimity
04:28in the imbalance. That's correct. Right?
04:30And in my case, not to create the storm all the time. No. No.
04:34No. So no. But in all honesty, I a few things I discovered a few years ago, used to brag a lot.
04:38I am unbelievable under stress. I operate amazingly under chaos, which is true because I'm so familiar with it. But what I found out about myself was to some extent, I created a lot of it.
04:50In other words, I wasn't comfortable in my life. Maybe people can relate to this if they really take a look at themselves. I wasn't comfortable when things weren't a little bit chaotic because in life, we move towards really what we're most familiar with.
05:02Mhmm. We keep moving back to the familiar. That's why some people will date the completely same person in a different body.
05:07You and I have talked about with your amazing work. Right? Because we move towards what we're familiar with.
05:11So I had a tendency in my life to create a lot of stress and chaos because I operated so well in it. It was a familiar state to be in even though it didn't serve me. And so a lot of that work I've done in healing and digging deep in my life, it served me not just in healing, it's made me a better businessman.
05:26It's made me a better father in often cases, a better friend because I'm not constantly creating this stress and chaos around the people that I love the most. Yeah. How do you stop creating stress and drama?
05:36Well, one is And why do we do it and how do we We do it because we're familiar and we wire these things in our bodies. And so this is really technical stuff, but I anchor the good states. And so what happened was is that usually where wiring happens is in a highly emotional state, we anchor it in our bodies physically.
05:51That's what we do. And so the way out of that is to begin to anchor the great states. So I take advantage of great states.
05:57So for example, just a few weeks ago, my daughter was home from college and we took a walk on the beach. And it was just this blissful experience. It was me and the, you know, one of the people I love the most in the world and I'm feeling this great peace and love from my daughters were walking and I anchored it.
06:12I literally anchored it in my body. I literally snapped my fingers as I went and I anchored that state. And so or when I'm walking on stage, I'm about to, you know, have to speak and that that adrenaline hits me and that euphoria, the spirit, the energy hits me, I'll anchor that state physically.
06:27And so what happens is I'm rewiring myself physically. For example, like I pray on my knees every night.
06:34And so I've been doing that for a number of years. I feel great peace when I pray. What's ironic about it is not only is the prayer now peaceful, but the actual physical move of getting on my knees triggers that state.
06:45So this is a very detailed answer, but I've rewired the detail. We want the detail. Okay.
06:49So I've rewired. So everybody you know, when you're in that blissful state, anyone's ever heard a song from your from a different time and it just triggers a state. It's not the words and the music, it's what was going on in that moment you've anchored it in your body.
07:01So when I'm in a good state, a great state, I take advantage of it. I don't let it pass. I anchor it in my body and I sort of rewired myself so that when these ones that I don't want come along, I have a neurology I can change out of that move and do something physical.
07:15It's simple. It's not complicated. It could be tugging your ear, feeling something on your shirt, something you do on your knees.
07:20So I've created like triggers in my life to put me back in that state. And over time, that's become my wiring now Mhmm.
07:26Not the old one. This is more familiar to me than the old one. Tendency now is to move towards the familiar state of bliss, of joy.
07:34I'd say 75, 80% of the time now, that's where I live, whereas before 95%
07:39of the time I live the other way. I love that advice and and please be as technical and as detailed as you like because you sparked so much for me. I was thinking that actually the truth is everyone already has subconscious anchors that we're not choosing.
07:54And so an example is when I'm working with a client, often they'll say to me, the moment their head hits the pillow, all of their anxiety goes crazy. What is that?
08:04It's an anchored state. It's actually your head hitting the pillow. Exactly.
08:08That's exactly right. That motion Yes. Is creating a sense of breathlessness Yes.
08:12Maybe tight chestedness, mental anxiety. And until you retrain that act of I'm gonna let my head hit the pillow, I'm gonna experience peace, maybe I'm gonna play a sound Yes.
08:23Maybe I'm gonna feel a certain temperature, maybe I need to do some breath work, like, until you re anchor that state like you're saying Yes. Your head hitting the pillow will never change no matter what you do.
08:33No matter what you do.
08:35As long as the external conditions of your life continually dictate how you feel, you're an out of control human being. So at some point, you have to do things internally that change how you feel because the quality of our life, well, you know this, is the quality of our emotions. That's the caliber of our life.
08:49So I remember a long time ago, I'll tell you a quick story. Please. I I was I had not made a money for a long time as a businessman.
08:56I finally make some money, finally. Right? But my emotional home was fear.
09:00And by the way, the other side oftentimes of fear can manifest itself as anger. It shows up as anger. But when you see an angry person, you're seeing a scared person.
09:09And so I was a worrier and a fearful person. Anyway, I was building my first dream home. And on the way over there an appointment had canceled or something and I was and then the contractor had messed something up.
09:19We've all had that moment. And I walk into this mansion I'm building and I'm mad and I'm stressed and I'm angry and oh, where's the contractor? And I look into the kitchen and there's five men and there are five or six men in there.
09:31All men had come from Mexico. And these men had left their families and the reason they had come there was to send money home to their families and work. And they're in there and they were doing work they loved that they were great at, working on my mansion.
09:44And I watched them for a minute. I stood and watched them. And they had their mariachi music playing.
09:49And they were laughing and joking and blissful and also doing work they cared about that mattered, that they were great at. And in that moment, I stepped back and I almost out of my body, I went, if life is the quality of your emotions,
10:04they're kicking my tail. They're
10:07winning at life, and I'm losing. I have all these things to be grateful for around me, but my home that I keep going back to is fear, anger, and worry. These guys who had to leave their families to come to another country just to support them.
10:19Imagine how difficult their life was there if they had to leave their country and their children to come here to work to support their families. And they're joyous and blissful and doing work that matters to them and that they're great at. And so I decided it's not .
10:37You don't want the relationship, you want how you think it'll make you feel. You don't want to be fit and sexy and jacked, you want how you think it'll make you feel. So what if I could get the emotions?
10:46If I could have these emotions, maybe getting the things I want would be that much easier. And so I focus now. Everyone has goals of their physical things they want, but for me, a lot of my outcomes now are emotionally driven because I think if I'm in the right emotional state, I can produce the physical things I want.
11:02Yeah. Yeah. You make better decisions.
11:04That's right. You're more clear. Yes.
11:06Your vision makes sense. I completely agree with you. It's like and and I think a lot of us feel
11:12like the more we do, the more we take on, the more amount of things we do, the the more likely we're gonna be successful. And wanted to talk to you about this in terms of your schedule because I know that that's like You and I have talked about this privately. Yeah.
11:25Like, walk me through your schedule. What does it look like right now? It's busy, but I have learned you and I just were talking about this.
11:32I have learned to say no.
11:34And I've learned, this is just recent, I'm a people pleaser. And so a lot of times because I am, you know, I have a deep voice and maybe I look a particular way, you wouldn't know that inside is this person, I just wanna please people and make them happy because of my childhood. If my dad was in a good mood, maybe he wouldn't drink that day.
11:50If I brought home an a on my report card, then he'd show me love. So I've I conflated in my life, brother, love with significance.
12:00And I thought when I would do something significant, it felt like love. But they're two different things. Most people are that way as well.
12:06If I can just perform, if I can just do something, people will love me. So I've changed that. And in my schedule, so I I have learned to do things that I love that make me feel good that contribute.
12:17My schedule's busy though. I mean, I'm up very early in the morning most mornings. I've got a routine that I do.
12:22I travel quite a bit just like you do. But what I've really learned to do is to choose things in my life that both are productive, but that also give me a sense of contribution and joy, not just productive anymore. So I've said no to things recently.
12:36There's a TV show that I'm doing right now. Another one came up and I've always really wanted to do this particular show. It doesn't serve my current dream.
12:43So what I do is I check-in and I ask myself, I audit, is that still my dream? Is that still what I want? There's this great clip on social media going around right now with Jim Carrey.
12:54I don't know if you've seen this, but I've watched it and I've sent it to so many of our friends. I thought I sent it to you, maybe I didn't. And he says something in this clip, I'll paraphrase it, I'll mess it up.
13:01But he basically says in this clip, he says, I'm gonna say something you've never heard an actor say before. And the interviewer say, what's that? And Carrie says, I've had enough.
13:11I've done enough. I've made enough movies. I've had enough success.
13:15I've won enough awards. And now I wanna just do things that bring me peace and joy. That's a courageous choice in life.
13:22And so what he did is he audited, is this still my dream? And I think a lot of times in life, we just have this dream that was given to us by our parents or our friends or there's an expectation and we're chasing a dream that was maybe never ours or no longer is.
13:35And so now I really audit that. I audit the fact of whether or not this is something that is still my dream. Is it consistent with where I wanna go now?
13:43So but I'm busy, know, I'm Yeah. Twelve, fourteen hours a day. So my physiology matters, my hydration matters, my Junie water matters.
13:50All these things matter to me in my life so that I'm feeding my soul and my spirit so that I am my best when I come do a a show like this today. If anyone doesn't know, Ed was just on stage with our good friend Brendan Bouchard
14:02in LA That's right. Came straight into the studio. Here.
14:05That's right. And and you're always this energy, like, have the ability. I think I talk a lot about the difference between time management and energy management.
14:13Yes. And you're someone that whenever I'm with you, you're always highly energetic. So are you.
14:17You're always you know, there's that I feel that yeah. I feel your spirit Mhmm. Coming through your self.
14:23Well, I'm conscious, Jade, like you are. I'm conscious of something I think most people are oblivious to, and here's what it is. You are always making people feel something.
14:32Most people aren't aware of this. No matter what, you're making them feel something. It could be they could feel important and needed and loved.
14:38They could feel slighted and invisible. They could feel that you're demeaning to them, but you're making them feel something. So I try to really focus on my intentions.
14:47When I met Wayne Dyer when I was very young, at that time he was writing a book. What a beautiful man. I've read a special.
14:55Well, I gotta tell you, you remind me a lot of Wayne. A lot. I mean that and and he was a dear, dear friend.
15:00It's just your spirit is very similar. And and I don't know a lot of people to remind me of Wayne, but you do. And he was so good to me.
15:09But when I met him, it's a funny story. It's a long time ago, but I was I had luckily, I work out. So I'd won my first trip ever to Hawaii with the company I was at.
15:17And I got up in the morning before the sun was up because that's my routine, beat the sun up, and I I ran on the beach. And as I'm running, this man's coming towards me. I could see him bald guy, sweaty, hairy back.
15:27I'm like, I don't wanna bump into this guy. And as he gets closer, go, oh my gosh. That's Wayne Dyer.
15:31It was in Maui. And he gets past me. We're both wearing Sony Walkman.
15:35That's how old we both are. And I pull my Walkman out. One of those too.
15:38You're dating yourself now. And I go, doctor Dyer, you changed my life.
15:44And don't you love when someone says that to you? To this day, I remember saying that to him. And he takes his, hey, you had a deep voice like me, takes his headphones off running and he goes, I highly doubt that.
15:53He goes, I bet you changed your life, but how did I help you? And he stops the run, Jay, and he walks over to me, and I end up sitting on the beach for an hour and a half watching the sun come up with Wayne Dyer. And at the end of the conversation, he says to me, he says, Ed, I think you're gonna change the world.
16:10You know, at that time, I thought I was probably the only person he ever said that to. In hindsight, he probably said that to a bunch of you. But I and he said, and it's not because of your amazing brain or your you have a unique ability to communicate, Ed, but that's not why.
16:22He said, you're a good man. Listen to this what he said, bro. He goes, you're a good man.
16:27He goes, you have great intentions. And he goes, if we never talk again, and we ended up talking the rest of his life, he said, want you to always link your confidence to your intentions, not your abilities because you'll be chasing that tail all your life, Ed.
16:41So if he goes, there's a correct he was writing a book at the time called The Power of Intention, but I didn't know that. When I look for confidence like before this interview or that speech I just gave or if anybody listening to going into a sales call or a meeting or a first date, your confidence isn't your beauty or your ability, it's your intent.
16:58And so I always that's one thing I know to be true about me. I don't always believe in my ability or my talent. That's fleeting.
17:04Or what happens when a speech goes bad or a meeting goes bad or a company goes bad? I don't want to predicate my confidence on that. I predicate it on my intentions and I'll remind myself because I actually believe I'm a good person.
17:15And I don't think enough people give themselves credit for being good and kind, and that they give people grace, and they want to contribute and help. You should generate so much confidence from that intent to serve that you ought to walk into a room and own it, not because you're arrogant or you're amazing, but because your intentions are so good.
17:34So this is a shell of confidence. A hack to confidence nobody talks about is intention. And I learned that most from Wayne.
17:40And so it's why I can bring an energy to something cause I'm pretty confident. And that confident is that I'm gonna say something amazing. It's that my intent is to serve.
17:49Yeah. And so you vibrate at a high frequency. Yeah.
17:51This is why we get along. This is I can relate completely. I've always said, whenever anyone asks me what my morning routine is,
17:59the number one part of my morning routine apart from meditation, workout, all that stuff is refining and purifying my intention. I've always said that because I feel like .
18:12Wow. And a seed is growing, and a weed when it starts to grow, it looks the same thing as a seed. Very good.
18:18But my teachers would always tell us, they're like a weed will strangle the seed. Like a weed will completely destroy a great plant because
18:27of its intention. What do you do? I'm curious.
18:29That's so good. That is really good. What do you do with the weeds in your life when they begin to grow around you?
18:36Do you have a strategy for that? Yeah. I find that there's almost a mental
18:40plucking and extraction process. And it starts with an awareness of why am I making this decision or what is driving me towards this.
18:50And if the intention is not love, service, joy, growth, then chances are if it's ego, revenge, jealousy, envy, greed, if it's all those, I know those are weeds.
19:08But that requires me to sit still and sit quietly in order to really be honest with myself when it's uncomfortable to say, oh, Jay, you're just doing that because you're envious.
19:19Mhmm. And being able to say that to myself and not hate myself for that. Mhmm.
19:22But to realize it's just a weed in a garden. If you see a weed in your garden, and you start hating the whole garden Mhmm. That doesn't make any sense.
19:29You just go and pluck that weed out. Mhmm. And so I feel for me, it requires that awareness, that stillness, and then extraction.
19:35That's really good. And it's and I and I think that's partly what probably why I think we get along so well because of that intention. But I wanna ask you, how do you Very good, Jay.
19:43Develop and build and help people
19:47choose an intention that lives off the page? Because I think we're all used to now like, my intention today is, right? But that's not what we're talking about.
19:55How does your intention come off the page and come into your day? That's a great question. I tell them all, you validate your intention with your action.
20:01So I like to I call it validating it. And so I I like to give myself evidence that it's true. I'll give you an example.
20:08One of the things right now that I'm really working on in my life, and it's not easy for me because I've lived another way. I love to just share the things that are negative about me because I think it gives people hope.
20:17If this guy is screwed up as he is can win, maybe I got some hope. And one of the things that I've lived with a lot in my life is I think I have judged people too much and not extended enough grace.
20:29And but the last ten years of my life, man, I'm really proud of myself. I've extended grace to people. I feel better about me, brother, when I extend grace to another person.
20:39I just I just feel good about me, particularly maybe when they don't deserve it in the moment. Give you an example, give you a quick story. Please.
20:46Yeah. The stories are great. Keep them coming.
20:48I love it. About three weeks ago, my kids were home for the holidays and so we were at dinner and this is treasured time with my kids because they're both away at college. And so we walk into a restaurant, great restaurant, not like an amazing place, but a good restaurant.
21:01We walk in and from the lobby, can hear these kids screaming. And I'm an introvert, so I like quiet meals.
21:08I like to actually be able to hear the people I'm talking with. I like quiet restaurants. This was normally very quiet places why I picked it.
21:15This night, it was not quiet in there. And I can hear these children screaming. And you know, when you're a parent like I am, sometimes you're like, what is why don't you I would never let my kids act like that.
21:24It's easy to judge. And I didn't. So anyway, we walk into this restaurant and guess who we sit next to?
21:30The table I could hear from the lobby. There's five kids at this table with two parents and the kids are yelling and screaming and one of them is running a circle and they want them through some food. And the mother had kinda had her head down the whole time and she really then my tendency would be to judge that family.
21:45This is an extreme story, but it gives you an example of why I work on them validating. Mhmm. So it's good enough to say my intention is to give people grace, but I need to validate it.
21:53Yep. And so my kids were kind of looking at me because they know their dad, you know. And I went, I'm gonna extend grace to that family right now.
22:01And I actually told my family, I said, you guys okay? It's gonna sound crazy. Can we just say a quick prayer for them over there?
22:06They're like very close to us. And the rest of the restaurant had noticed them too. And so I said, just say a quick prayer.
22:11And they go, Max, say the prayer. I say it to my son. So my son says a quick blessing for that family and my daughter says, daddy, let's buy them dinner.
22:18I'm like, now you're pushing me. But okay. But okay.
22:21We'll get their dinner too, but we're not gonna tell them. Anyway, extended grace.
22:24And the entire meal, they were noisy and chaotic. Anyway, the end of the meal, they left before we did. And so they left and they got very quiet in there and it's like, ah.
22:34But the whole time I had extended grace, I didn't judge them, which would be a tendency I would normally maybe do in my past. But now I'm validating this new intention of mine. Anyway, we pay the bill and we leave, and two days later, I'm hitting a couple golf balls at the golf course, and the server that night was hitting balls next to me.
22:50And he said, oh, mister Mylett, that was so kind to you to buy the meal for that night for that family in light of the funeral. And I said, what? Because that family that night, he goes, you know, they had they had come there to celebrate.
23:03They had just left the funeral of their grandmother. I said, you're kidding me? And he said, no.
23:08And the grandmother would come in here with them, they're a very close family, the kids don't normally behave like that. The mother that night was so down, it's her mom. The kids are extra close to her because their husband, when he was deployed in Iraq, the grandmother lived with them and sort of raised them.
23:22And so they had just left the funeral that night and we're having the dinner. And I went, there you go. You never know what someone's carrying, you don't know the burden they're carrying.
23:31It hurt people hurt people. People in pain typically will create pain for other people. And I was like, what a blessing that I've got to this point in my life that I do extend grace even when it doesn't seem like somebody deserves it because you don't know what they're carrying.
23:46So I validated that intention with my behavior and thank God I did, not knowing what they were going through. So it's a really beautiful culmination of the story that you just don't know what someone's carrying, extend grace, give people kindness,
23:59do everything you can not to judge. Yeah. Wow.
24:02That's powerful, man. That's a story. Yeah.
24:05That's crazy, but it's and sometimes we don't always get the reward of that loop. True.
24:10But we have to recognize as we know in our own lives that we know we're always going through something. That's right.
24:17You know, our friends are going through something. Our family is going through something. Everyone on your team is going through something.
24:22That's right. How we can't extend that is is crazy. But I wanted to ask you something.
24:27Yeah. There's a lot of people who I know will be listening.
24:30Mhmm. And I know that our community and our audience are good hearted, loving, wanting to be better people.
24:38We all wanna improve as as do I. I've got so much more healing left to do and I know our community does. But they often feel like even though they lead with love, everyone around them is causing them pain, is negative, is toxic.
24:52They don't feel that around them. Mhmm. And they almost get exhausted trying to be this bigger, graceful kind of person.
25:00Yeah. And I'm sure you felt that. Know you're the right person to ask this question too.
25:04What do you do when you feel everyone around you is bringing you toxicity, negativity, and poor energy?
25:11Mhmm.
25:12How do you operate? I reduce proximity to them in those moments, and sometimes they they are the weeds that needed to be weeded out of your garden. That's the most difficult decision.
25:20But sometimes it's not weeding them out, it's reducing proximity. And then I've created some havens that I can go to to sort of escape that for a few minutes. And so some of those are actually people.
25:31I've got two or three people in my life that when these other people are losing it and acting acting in a toxic way or acting out or antagonistic towards me or other people, I've got another person or two that I can go to that shifts my state, that is my rock, that is someone that I can express myself to.
25:48For some people that might be therapy. But in my case, I've got two or three just great friends that I can go to. They set me straight.
25:54They give me they give me perspective. Yes.
25:57What great friends give me is they give me perspective. This will pass. They're going through something.
26:02Rise above this. And see, when some people walk into a room, they adapt to the energy in the room. Greatness is walking into a room and shifting the energy.
26:13And so I have I believe I'm built for those moments that over time, I'm built to shift the energy in the room, shift it. And the way that you do it is to me, it's just really speaking truth to people. And sometimes in a kind way, speaking truth to them about their behavior and their conduct and letting them know that you're better than this.
26:31You are better than the way you're conducting yourself. You're better than this. And here's why I do that.
26:36Truth, I think, vibrates at the highest frequency. And so if you want to influence somebody, you have to be vibrating at a high frequency. That's telling someone the truth in the moment.
26:44You can tell the truth to somebody in a kind and gentle and generous way. But when you don't address someone's behavior that's toxic towards you, you're not operating in truth. And what happens is you reduce your own vibrational frequency and that can get worse.
26:58So the way you rise above and shift the energy in the room is actually by operating in truth with somebody. Saying, look, I love you. I believe in you.
27:06And that's why I'm gonna tell you the truth right now. Yeah. And here's the truth.
27:10This thing you're doing right now, this way you're handling yourself is so much so beneath who you really are. You're capable of so much greater. And I want you to know I love you and believe in you enough that I'm gonna share with you the truth.
27:22And by the way, there comes these intentions too. If someone if you've sown enough seeds into someone, they know your intention. I think you can challenge people.
27:31I think great people are good at challenging other people. Mhmm. And the only way that you can challenge somebody is they have to know you love and believe in them first.
27:39Like even in your companies, you just listen. Jay's life is just exploding. Right?
27:44Everything about that he's got going. So a lot of people depend on you. A lot of people work with you.
27:49And you gotta be able to challenge them to to raise their standard. You can't do that first. You have to make deposits into people before you can make withdrawals.
27:57Because anytime you're challenging someone who's saying, need you to step up. That's a form of a withdrawal. It just is.
28:03You have to have made the deposits in someone of belief and love first. And then if you operate in truth, man, your frequency is vibrating real high, you can shift an environment and shift to the energy. Oh, I love that.
28:14I love that. I love that. And it's and and it's not a technique.
28:17No. It's it's real. It's real.
28:19Like, it's not like I always find like, it's not like you'd be nice to someone so you can ask for something back, and that's where you the way you're saying it, it doesn't come that way, and I I love that idea of
28:30raising and shifting frequency, and I actually wanna give more people the encouragement and courage to be able to do that because I think we all do feel I can't shift it. I can't do anything.
28:42I'm not in control.
28:43My reminder would be truth is what shifts the room. And when you come from a loving place and a truth telling place here's the other thing. I said this to you one other time.
28:51Don't if it was on the show or not, but I think a lot of people feel inadequate about that. Like I'm not qualified. I'm not what there's nothing great about me.
28:58Like what I've never I've achieved something or or the other thing they do is they hold their sins or mistakes of their life as like weapons against themselves. Like, you don't know about my divorce.
29:08You don't know that I did this thing I'm not proud of. You don't know I had this business failure. I didn't I you know, I've gained some weight and so I I made a commitment to get fit and I'm not anymore.
29:17I'm not qualified to shift the energy or change other people. And one of the best examples of that ever, I've shared this with you before, is my dad. When my dad got sober, it changed our entire family's life.
29:28I mean, it just changed everything, that one decision my dad made. And after I wrote my book and after my dad passed away, I woke up one night. It was like 3AM, and I was crying And kind of startled my wife, she's like, what's going on, babe?
29:42I said, babe,
29:43I just realized something. Here I am 52 years old, my dad had been sober for thirty five years, this never dawned on me. Went, someone helped my dad.
29:51I've told you this before. And and I and she goes, what, honey? I said, someone helped dad.
29:57And that person changed my entire life. Like, that act of helping one person, the ripple effect is I'm his son, and I've been blessed to reach millions of people around the world. That person doesn't know that helping my dad changed millions of lives.
30:12And she goes, my gosh, that's incredible. I said, that's not the most incredible thing.
30:16The most incredible thing is what
30:18qualified that man to help my dad who I didn't know who he was at the time?
30:22She goes, don't know. I said, not how perfect he was, not how stupendous, not his amazing achievements. What qualified him to help my dad was that he was also an alcoholic at one time.
30:33He was a drug addict. He lied. He lived in the shadows.
30:37And so actually in life, we're most qualified to help the person we used to be. Oh, yes. And so in life, it's not that you're better than these people, it's that you can help people that used to be like you, that you used to operate in a way that didn't serve you.
30:52Maybe you behaved in a way that wasn't conducive with your character. Because of that, you're qualified to help people that are operating that way. So you're immensely qualified in life to shift other people.
31:02If you're willing to be vulnerable and reveal your imperfect, you don't connect with anybody be going, I'm amazing. Like, imagine the podcast, I'm like, to be honest with you, I have no problems. There's no healing left.
31:11I'm just kicking butt everywhere I go. You're like, well, me too, man. We're just touring the globe in Dubai together, you know.
31:17That's not the truth. The truth is the way you connect is by going, here's all the things aren't Which is what we did in that concert. In the car with each other.
31:23Right? So like, that's that's revealing your imperfections that connects you with people. Yeah.
31:27And just for everybody to remember, you were born to do something great with your life. And when you were a little boy or a little girl, there was probably one person who made you feel that way.
31:39And you ought to give yourself the gifts right now of who is that person? When you were a little girl or a little boy, they made you feel special. And there's probably only one, maybe two.
31:47Maybe it was your parents or your grandmother or grandfather or coach or a religious figure. There's someone that was in your life and that you felt something about you because of the way they looked at you or spoke to you.
31:59And the amazing thing about that is they were right
32:04about you. They were right. For me, it was my papa, my dad's dad, I'm named after him and he used to drive, he'd pick me up on Sundays, we'd go get donuts, Jay, to get for my cousins before church, and he'd drive me, I'd look up at big papa.
32:17Everyone, when you think about that person, you'll get emotional. For you, it's your mom. Right?
32:22And he would look down at me and he'd go, Eddie, you're my favorite. He had all these great because you're my favorite.
32:28You're amazing. You're going to do something great with your life. You're the special.
32:31I go, I am big papa. I am, and his little boy. I just could feel his belief and his love.
32:36He was the only person who ever treated me that way. The rest of the world has never treated me that way, but big papa did. And then when my other grandkids were born, I remember my cousin Peter was born, Jay, you'll laugh at this, and he called me and goes, hey, your cousin Peter was born today, he's amazing.
32:52Six pounds, seven ounces. He's got our blue eyes, Eddie. I go, that's awesome, big papa.
32:56And he go, but you're my favorite. You're my favorite. And all my life, I've carried that feeling from big papa with me.
33:04Yeah. And the truth is, if you've had that person in your life, they were right about you. Yes.
33:09You're supposed to do something great with your life. Mhmm. And the reason it makes you emotional when you think about it now is because it's true, and truth vibrates at the highest frequency.
33:19So if you're listening to this or watching it, it's like, have that reminder. Give yourself the gift. Maybe your big papa's gone now and not even here anymore.
33:28Honor them with who you become. Honor them with the life you build. Honor them with the choices you make, and take that belief.
33:35Imagine what God believes in you if that person believes in you. Take that belief and use it as fuel in your life to have some strength and confidence to shift other people's lives.
33:45And that's for me, that was big papa. Yeah. I know.
33:48You've you've I was going back with you when you were saying it, and there's something known as a loving kindness meditation. It's very popular in Buddhism.
33:57In Hinduism, there's a similar practice. And I led this meditation when I was on tour with every audience across the whole world.
34:07And what you have to do in this meditation is you have to close your eyes and you have to allow yourself to re experience a moment you felt the most love.
34:17For some people it's their wedding day, for some people it's their car with their grandpa, for some person it's their mother, whatever it may be and you have to relive it, feel it through the five things you can see, the four things you can touch, the three things you can hear, the two things you can smell and the one thing you can taste.
34:35Really immerse yourself in it and then feel it in your heart and then feel it cascade from your heart all across your body. Mhmm.
34:44And then if you try and give it out to your friends and family, to the stranger at the restaurant, to the rest of the world, it's so possible because you're feeling as you're saying, that will never run out.
34:58Amen. Your memory of your grandpa saying that to you, that will never ever expire.
35:03It will always be there and the amount that can be recycled into giving love to others and to feeling loved always. Whereas what we do is we try and set for the next person to love us.
35:14You're right. We're searching for that next person to say something amazing about us. And with that, you're always running out You're right.
35:20Because it comes once and it goes and it comes and it goes, whereas that one person you're so right that loved you. Jay, this is an all time great conversation right now, by the way. It's because we just went deep.
35:30We did. We went deep. I think there's a validity to what you just said to a truth that's just so profound.
35:36It's very difficult in life to transfer to somebody that which you're not experiencing. So in order to transfer true love and true belief in somebody, you have to be experiencing it so that you can give it to somebody. And so giving yourself that gift allows you to give it in abundance to other people.
35:51Yeah. That's really good. That was that's awesome meditation.
35:54I think one of the reasons again why we get along but why we're having this conversation is that we both believe in this paradox. So we both talking about currently at the beginning of this conversation have talked about very like spiritual, emotional, universal ideas of existence, but at the same time, we're both good at getting stuff done.
36:12Yeah. Just yes. Not all philosophy.
36:15Correct. Right. And I think that's something that I've always tried to do in my work where it's like, I don't want anyone in the world to just think that, oh, if I change my mindset, everything's just because I don't want to fool people and I don't wanna mislead people because I know in my life that spirituality and strategy have had to go together.
36:35Yes. That sincerity and structure have had to go together.
36:38Mhmm. And I find that that combination is what's allowed me to live a fulfilling
36:44and successful life and continue to create it. You haven't made a decision unless you've taken an action to validate it. Yes.
36:50Exactly. That's the and that's the thing that you're exactly right. People that come to our events or may just hear this conversation go, oh, I just really need to sit around and really vibrate high Yeah.
36:58And think about things. No, you don't. You have to put your feet on the ground and you've got to go to work and you've to the real truth is if you've made a decision and it's real, you'll validate it with your work.
37:06You'll validate it with your effort and the choices that you make. And the truth is this, like, here's the only thing a lot of my confidence comes from. I'll be I'll be candid with you and I know this about you.
37:15I'm gonna outwork you. Here's the truth. I'm gonna outwork you.
37:19The one thing I learned from my dad is that, listen, a lot of my confidence comes from the fact that I deserve to win. And I deserve to win because I'm working my tail off. And I don't think enough people give themselves the gift of just super hard work.
37:31I mean, I know your schedule. You know mine. We were talking about that.
37:35But the truth, I I've just this is just something I'm saying if I don't validate with an action. It's like you said with with your books, I love you.
37:41No. That's a verb. There's an action that's taken to validate that I love you.
37:45There's things I can do to give evidence of the fact that I love you. And so, no, you can't just sit around and think about these things.
37:51You've gotta get to work. You've gotta implement them. And then by the way, when you do that, all listen, the reason I can speak with such clarity on this stuff is I've done them.
37:59Mhmm. I've been in situations where this stuff has been tested and tried and true. So I'm a huge huge advocate of work, of taking the steps necessary to do it.
38:09And I know that that's something with you. Like when I met you, I had a notion about you that wasn't accurate which was that you were more of just this, listen, we're just gonna get quiet and meditate and empty our minds here and everything we want is gonna come our way. Then I met you and I said this to you off camera, there's a fire and an intensity and a work ethic to Jay that I think would surprise most people.
38:28You're this very unique combination of this very tranquil, peaceful, loving, kind being who's also wound tight and wants to win and is intense and is gonna make things happen and wants to max out his life and isn't just sitting around waiting for it to come his way.
38:46He's going to get a lot of it. And that's one the things I admire about you. Absolutely.
38:49Walk me through how you've translated that grace, that love, that kindness into a
38:56plan for, like, 2024. Like, how do you translate that? Like, what does your day look like?
39:00What does a quarter look like? You've built businesses that are successful. I wanna know that part because I love that that connection that I'm trying to make here between this sincere heart with a strategic mind.
39:12It is my perception of time.
39:15And so I have I believe you can bend and manipulate time. And and so here's what that looks like.
39:21I don't buy into a twenty four hour day. That's an archaic time frame.
39:26See, you and I live in an age where think about it. A hundred years ago, if I wanted to get something done, I'd have to write it down somewhere, stick a stamp on it, or put it on the back of a horse a few 100 years ago. And you'd get it in a month and then you'd translate and get it back to me in a month.
39:41Now I can text you in three seconds but we're both gonna manage time in twenty four hours. When I was in school, I had to go to a library to research something in in a thing called an encyclopedia, Right?
39:52And then write it all down, type it on a typewriter. If you make one key mistake, you gotta redo it. Now I can Google it, print it out, and it's done.
40:00Yet the same time frames are managed, and so that's insane. Right? I can email.
40:05I can text. I have got all these things on my phone. So we're still operating the same time construct as people did fifty years ago, a hundred years ago, two hundred years ago.
40:13That is insane. And so I have a huge advantage in my life that my days are many days. And so I have three eight hour days in a day.
40:21I get twenty one days in a week. Twenty one days in a week. And so my first day is 6AM to noon.
40:28And in that day, we've all had that day where we go, man, I've got more by 8AM done than I've done in a week. That should be every day if you want it to be. It's your expectation of time.
40:37Here's the thing. When something is scarce, it's more valuable. Okay?
40:42So that's why a diamond is worth more than a piece of paper because it's more scarce. When your time becomes more scarce, it becomes more valuable and other people treat you with more value. So that's the one benefit.
40:53But my first day is 6AM to noon and in there, I'm trying to get in there the amount of productivity, joy, business, fitness, whatever it might be that I would get in a twenty four hour day compressed and manipulated that time into to the eight hour window. Why?
41:06Because of all the technology at my advantage. Now there may be some days that's a Netflix and chill day for me. I'm not saying you have to be hyperproductive.
41:13That's okay. That maybe on Sundays a lot of people have that. I'll have a day like that, but it's not every day.
41:18And so the second day starts at noon and it runs all the way. Usually, sometimes they even shrink them to six hours sometimes.
41:24Sometimes I'll go 6AM to noon, so it's a six hour window. I give myself a two hour buffer. The second day starts from noon to 6PM.
41:31And in that second day, I'm trying to get the same amount of stuff I would get in in a twenty four hour day in my six to eight hour window. This year, there's six hour days. There's 6AM to noon, noon to 6PM, and 6PM to midnight.
41:43Now I'm gonna sleep in there. I'm gonna get rest. I'm gonna have laughter.
41:46I'm gonna have faith. I'm gonna have cooling at time. But now what happens is at about noon every day, this thing goes off in my head and I evaluate.
41:54What did I get done? What do I need to double my efforts on? What can I celebrate?
41:57What did I learn? So when an average person does it at the end of their day, I'm doing it at noon, and it now automatically goes off. It's weird.
42:04My my mind knows when noon is, and it knows when 6PM is. And the same thing happens at 6PM, then and I'll run it again.
42:11And so I'm getting twenty one days a week. You stack that time frame up over a year. When you get seven days and I'm managing time this way, I've compressed and bent time, I'm probably gonna win.
42:23You stack that up over a year, five years, ten years, and all of a sudden, I've had all these more days.
42:29And here's the other thing, I just get a longer life. I'm getting multiple lives in one life simply because I've taken control of what time looks like. So they used to be eight hour days, you asked about twenty twenty four.
42:39They're now six hour days. And so I've get more done oftentimes by 10AM than most people will get done in a twenty four hour day. And here's what that here's what that looks like really quickly.
42:48Too many people schedule one hour long meetings if we're gonna be tactical. Most meetings don't need to be an hour, but we schedule them an hour because everybody's always done that. So my team knows, is this a twenty eight minute meeting?
42:58Is this a five minute meeting? Very rarely are they hour long meetings because when you have an hour long meeting, now you're pacing yourself to fill the hour in. But I've only got a six hour a day here, so there's a lot of twenty eight minute long meetings that other people are taking an hour to do.
43:11We're just that much more productive, that much more efficient in our time. And so that's how you actually get the day done is because this one hour concept isn't it? You say, I'll meet you at 09:00.
43:21I got nine to ten blocked off. Well, why? Most meetings don't need to be an hour long.
43:26Most business meetings don't. Most conversations don't. And that by the way will give me more time.
43:29Maybe my lunch is now an hour and a half with a friend because I've bent a manipulated time in my I call them mini days. That's so I'm so happy you shared that because I just
43:39just even that concept of us understanding how we're
43:42using time Mhmm. In an archaic way and thinking about how many hours in a day in an archaic way It's bananas to me. Concept in and itself is mind blowing.
43:51And you can create your own version of a mini day. Maybe you're gonna have two. Maybe you're gonna break your day into two.
43:55You know, me it was eight hours and I've moved it to six and I felt no difference. But I love that time clock. There's not enough time.
44:02Most people evaluate their goals. Like, really productive people, they'll do it at the end of a day. In the middle, maybe the end of a month.
44:08How did my January go? And you know this, most people. It's the end of the year.
44:12So most people's a year. Some will do it a month. Really productive people, maybe the end of the day.
44:16I'm doing that three times in a twenty four hour day now. The breakthroughs, the learning, the course correction, the strategic moves I make that get me back on track when I'm off track, and my bad days are only six hours long.
44:29Mhmm. Right? So I that gives me permission to shift at noon.
44:32Okay. This is a new day. I get I get a do over.
44:34I get to start again. So it's just a matter of using a time construct that fits with technology in these times. Yeah.
44:40It's almost like saying, yeah, we're driving cars now, but it would take me a month to get to it. Yeah. It doesn't make any sense.
44:45Make any sense to have a twenty four hour day. Wow. What's been the habit?
44:48Because you also said you shifted from eight hour days to six hour days. Why first of all, why did you do that? What what was the benefit of that?
44:55The shift for me was that it was the one hours. I'm like, why am I taking these one hour long meetings? If I move in the twenty eight minutes and and by the way, it's awesome.
45:03Yeah. Yeah. And and even you and I, even when we communicate, it's oftentimes just like you and I have these beautiful quick conversations, but they by the way, there are sometimes my friends, I need to go deep and we need three or four or five hours.
45:13But I also I know there's a lot of times in life like, you ever have that friend that doesn't know when the text exchange is done? Know that person you're like, alright, man. We've got okay.
45:21It's over now. Like, we're both gonna go now text other people or do other things. I've just gotten a little bit better at buttoning things up, you know, so to speak to, like, phraseology and terminology.
45:31I was in a meeting a long time ago with Alex Rodriguez. I'll never forget this. It was a really great meeting.
45:36And I know, you know them as well. And so I was in a meeting with Alex and I'll never forget. He said he's a gracious dude.
45:42He's a good dude. But our meeting was supposed to end at 01:00 in the afternoon. And I remember we were in the middle of something and I was at his house and we were in a actually we were actually it was back then.
45:52It was actually at J. Lo's house, but Alex was there. Anyway, and I remember at about 12:58, he looked at his watch and that gave me a cue.
46:00And at 01:00, he just stood up kind of in the middle of the meeting. Mhmm. And that signified the meeting was over.
46:07Mhmm. And it wasn't rude. His team just knows when the meeting time's up.
46:10We're done. We're done. And what that is, it set a context and a tone that when we have a meeting that's this long, that's how long it is.
46:17And setting up those kind of disciplines and
46:19kind of barriers around your life, guardrails around your life protects your time. And it's uncomfortable to do that because we feel as people pleasers Yes. Which a lot of us are.
46:29Mhmm. We're scared to do that Mhmm. Because we're thinking, oh god, if I stand up, is everyone gonna think like I'm like stuck up?
46:35Like Yep. You know, there's gonna be that Yep. Sense.
46:37How do you deal with that discomfort Yep. And that awkwardness
46:41of I'm setting a boundary to protect myself Yep. But I'm scared how people are gonna perceive me. It's just being gracious when you do it.
46:48And it's also eventually what I've found is, like I said earlier, people now respect my time a little bit more. I become more listen.
46:57There's a pace and a rhythm to success. Here's here's something no one talks about when it comes to success and being productive, and you know this. There's a rhythm and a cadence to it.
47:06It's an invisible thing that the people that are winning somehow have found themselves. You know this with the actors you've worked with or entertainers. It's hard to express, but they found a rhythm and a cadence to their life that creates momentum Mhmm.
47:19In their life. Momentum's a major magnifier in life.
47:22When you get momentum, but there's a rhythm to it. And when you sort of aren't disciplined with your time and a meeting runs over ten minutes or twenty minutes, you are not in the rhythm of success.
47:32There's a pace. It's not hurried. It's not hurried or rushed, but it's a little quicker than most people know.
47:39Successful people walk a little faster. Mhmm.
47:43They're in a little bit more of a hurry. They talk a little faster. There's a rhythm and a pace and a intensity, a passion to the dialogue and the conversation.
47:51You know exactly what I mean. Yeah. And it's invisible.
47:54Maybe you can express it well right now too. Have you seen it? And until you find that, you're not really in the rhythm of hyper productivity or bliss or success.
48:03And when you're around people that possess that rhythm, you feel it. And it isn't demeaning when they do it.
48:11It there's a graciousness to it and a respect you have that they respect themselves and you enough in that moment
48:18to be organized enough and disciplined enough not to let it bleed into a place that it doesn't need to go. You know what I mean? Right?
48:23Yeah. It's actually It's actually looping back. It's I'm so glad you raised that because it's such a subtle point.
48:28Mhmm. And to me, it comes back down to something I raised earlier of this energy and time balance. Because the question I ask myself is the time that I set the meeting is based on when I think my energy will be best.
48:42And the amount of time I give a meeting is the amount of time I can give intense 100 energy. So I'm not, example, when I'm recording a podcast, we do two podcasts a day maximum.
48:53The reason for that is, I know if I did a third one, I have the time to do a third one, but my energy is not there. My presence is not there.
49:01I'm not at a 100% intensity, which means the quality drops. Really?
49:06So it's also not just doing more as you're saying. It's not just doing more because I can squeeze more in a day. Mhmm.
49:10I just know the third podcast is gonna be the worst one that I record, and so we don't do it. By the way, you should have told me that about two years ago.
49:17No. Seriously. That you're a 100% right, and I make that mistake sometimes of doing four in a day, and it's not fair to the third and fourth person.
49:24It's I not can't do it. You might be able to do it. We all have different capacities.
49:27No. You're right. And the other thing I do on my schedule since we're being tactical is I like to load up my Mondays and Tuesdays with heavy things Mhmm.
49:34Early in my week. And I like the the later part of my week to be a little bit more peaceful and joyous so that I'm sort of building toward it's almost like my Super Bowl almost.
49:42My Mondays and Tuesdays, those are gonna be heavy days. The other thing I do is my most important meetings, I kind of know me. I'm not particularly
49:50a great early morning person nor am I great late at night. I'm really in a good space about when we're recording this right now. That sort of noon to 3PM window for me.
49:59I don't if I'm the most hydrated. I've already worked out. So my really important meetings, I try to schedule in my highest energy state when I know I'm peaking in my given day.
50:08So you're a 100% right about that. Yeah. And I think these are the mechanics of how you connect energy and the real world because you can't just say, I worked out this morning.
50:18I feel good. Everything's gonna go alright now. And I think we have that kind of we have this checklist mentality of if I've done these three things, then everything else will go okay.
50:27But actually all the other stuff needs to be managed and intentionally designed. I've been talking a lot about this recently with people that I think often we think if people are casual or relaxed or laid back, then things will work out better.
50:41But actually, you find as you're saying, most success, productivity, and joyfulness is intentionally designed in order to create an experience.
50:51And I wanted to get your thoughts on that, like You're a billion percent right, Jay. The higher you climb, there's all this other stimulus happening in your life.
51:00Right? So if you don't create those constructs now, when you get to a point where, like, you get the things you want in your life, the demands on your energy and time only increase. Mhmm.
51:10And your ability to manage that and create structures around you that keep you productive, that is a huge thing you've just shared. I've watched a lot of people climb to a point. And when they get to that point, they didn't create new structures around them to support the next level.
51:26Every level you climb requires a different type of energy and structure. And so some things even that I'm doing right now, I know maybe four or five years from now, I'm gonna have to reevaluate those that'll change with the conditions of my life.
51:39For me, right now, as busy as I am, it requires more intent to structure than ever in my life. And if I didn't create them when things weren't quite this busy, I don't think I would have continued to flowed into the next state.
51:52And I've watched a lot of people get to a place and then they can't navigate that next level because of the structure, maybe the lack of a team around them, quality people, management of those things. And so I'm always trying to be ahead structurally to my results.
52:07Yeah. What most people think is I'm gonna produce this thing and then when I get there, I'll figure it out from there. That stagnates your growth.
52:14You've got to be preparing and expecting that growth and creating the structures around you to facilitate it so it continues to flow. So good. So good.
52:22And I think we get sentimental.
52:24And we get sentimental like Oh, it's so good. I can't let go of this habit or this structure or this thing because it got me here.
52:32That's so true. And I feel like you have to get really non sentimental. Like You're so right.
52:37Right? Like what you're saying about is preparing. Well, mine's my morning routine.
52:40I used to have a very long morning routine. Cold plunge, meditate, pray, gratitude ritual, stretch,
52:47you know. And the thing got so long that I'm like, my gosh, I'm two hours into a routine here.
52:53I gotta get to work. Yeah. I gotta get some stuff done.
52:55And so you kind of be and what it was is, I started to accumulate these sentimental things that man, that day I cold plunged, I had a big speech that day, so I better keep cold plunging every day and I better keep I started stacking up this closet full and I had to come in, it's like an old closet full of clothes, I had to go, which of these don't I wear anymore?
53:14Yes. And I'm gonna take this one and give it away. Like and so you're right.
53:18It's it's the sentimental holding on to things that got you where you are won't get you where you're going. And so I have to constantly kind of audit my closet so to speak.
53:28And so my morning routine now is nowhere nearly as sophisticated as it used to be. It's much more brief, but it serves me now. It serves who I am now.
53:37It serves my ambitions and goals now.
53:40So you're a thousand percent right about that. Yeah. A lot of people I speak to as well, they struggle with, and I've struggled with this in the past where you know what you need to do.
53:49Mhmm. You know how much time you have, but then you procrastinate. You overthink.
53:53I'm And sure you get asked this question all the time, like,
53:57but I still see it again and again and again in the same people So do I. Where they tell me, Jay, I'm gonna have this done. I'm gonna I I I'm accountable.
54:05I'm gonna commit. Yeah. But then somehow, it still doesn't happen for them.
54:08Yep. What have you found is really useful insight for someone who finds themselves constantly getting stuck, they know what they need to do, they know how much time they have, but they keep procrastinating and overthinking? One, you're you're trying to get your life back to your identity.
54:22You and I have talked about this analogy before, so I'll be quick with it. But your identity, your personal belief in yourself, your identity is like the thoughts, beliefs, and concepts you hold to be most true about you. It's a thermostat setting on your life.
54:33We talked about this before. Give you two things. So like this studio we're in, I don't know, 72 degrees in here right now, something like that.
54:39The external conditions that's a cold rainy day here in LA. The external can it's for 50 degrees outside. That does not affect the internal thermostat in this room.
54:47It is 72 degrees. If it was 90 degrees outside, the air conditioners will come on and cool this room back to 72 degrees.
54:53You procrastinate because your results are about to exceed your identity and you're turning the air conditioner on. So if right now you're getting 72 degrees of you believe in yourself at 72 degrees of wealth or abundance or productivity and you started to heat it up to 85, 90, a 100 degrees, you subconsciously turn the air conditioner on of your life to cool it back down to what you really believe you're worthy of and you deserve.
55:15So the deep work is you've gotta raise that identity of what you believe you're worth to 85, 90, a 100 degrees. How do you do that? Typically, proximity to people who live at that thermostat setting.
55:26They will heat you up to theirs.
55:28So that's a huge one. That is a huge I just wanna Yeah. Make that you made that sound so simple and Yeah.
55:32You made it really easy. That is the huge one. Yeah.
55:35That is it. It is at that gut level. I watch it.
55:38That's why you'll see somebody who, for example,
55:41their love thermostat is 72 degrees. And you've you go on you double date, you they're with their dream person. You're like, oh my gosh.
55:47They're in love. It's blissful. They're at 90, a 100 degrees of love in their life.
55:50And a year later, you run into them and you're like, so how is Steve or how's Janice? Oh, it didn't work out. What happened was they turned the air conditioner on and cooled it back to what they believe they deserve oftentimes.
56:00Or wealth, we've all had these friends that they're 72 degrees of wealth, all of a sudden, man, their business is kicking 85, 90, a 100. And what happens is it seems coincidental. Oh, supply chain.
56:11Oh, this or that. A customer broke off. A car broke down.
56:14I had to loan money to a friend. No. Those were circumstances.
56:18What really happened was you turned the air conditioners on and you cooled your life back financially to believe what you believe you're worth. Same in your body. Someone 72 degrees of fitness.
56:26They're getting in shape. They've lost the 10 pounds. They look great.
56:29And you see them in a year, and they've come all the way back and gained it back. And you're like, what happened? They turned the air conditioner on of their life and got back to what they believe they're worth.
56:38You gotta change that thermostat setting, and it's typically like in my faith life. I was a 72 degrees in my faith, I started to surround myself with some men in my faith life who, man, they live in their faith at 95 and a 100. They heated me up by proximity.
56:52Now my thermostat setting is different. So that's a biggie. The second one with with procrastination is you've developed a false belief system in yourself of what you need to know to take action.
57:03And so successful people are willing to step into the unknown and the unprepared more than people who are unsuccessful. I'm not saying I don't like to research like, Pod, you're super prepared for today, so am I.
57:14But there are just situations in my life of what I think I need to know is much lower than most people to step into the space and perform. So procrastination is really saying, I gotta know a little more.
57:25I gotta prepare a little bit more. I gotta get a little bit more ready, a little bit more ready, a little bit more ready. And you keep raising the readiness quota to a point where you never take action.
57:34And so you gotta get to this point where you're like, I'm gonna get into the room. I'm gonna start to write that paper. I'm gonna start the book, I'm gonna get into that, and I'll figure it out when I get there.
57:42And most people that are successful have this internal belief system that I don't need to know everything to take action. I just need to know enough to get in the room and I'll figure it out from there. And you've known this with all the successful people you've coached.
57:55That is something they possess in droves
57:57is the ability to get into a space and step into a room and figure it out from there and not have to know everything. And that's how most of them discovered their passion. Mhmm.
58:07They even discovered it because they were just pushed into it. I remember the first presentation I ever gave, the speaker had canceled.
58:13Really? And my friend said to me, well, there's no speaker. You've got to give the talk.
58:17And I was just like, what do mean I've got to give the talk? Like, the speaker was really like well known and like in the community and all the rest of it.
58:25They're like, no, no, no, but we haven't got a backup. And we can't invite someone last minute because it would look bad on them. Mhmm.
58:30But because you're a nobody basically, you can give the talk. Wow. And I was just like, so I I started preparing and I had three days.
58:37So I started preparing, I started doing it. I went up there and I just did it. Yeah.
58:41And I loved it. And I was like, oh, this is my this is this feels right for me. And I would never have discussed that if I didn't get pushed into it.
58:50Very. It would never have happened. That's a beautiful story.
58:52Would never have happened. And so I think so many times that you're so right, and I love that you addressed the first part about belief of what we deserve.
59:01Mhmm. I just want that to sit with people because, Ed, the way you like, just put that out there, like, I'm like, that is exactly it.
59:09That Thank you. There is some part of us that just doesn't believe Yes. We deserve Yes.
59:14The level of success we're striving And those those those subtle subconscious air conditioners of our lives that cool down show up as coincidences,
59:23you know, but really they're not. They're by design because you're gonna cool your life back to what you believe you deserve every day. When I work with athletes, they're like, what do you do with the pro athletes you work with?
59:31I'm mainly you know this. Even what do most people want? Like, when someone's really successful, what are you working on?
59:36I go usually, their identity or their confidence. It's usually those two things. And their identity is the more important thing.
59:42Now, the other thing that happens for a lot people with their identity is they'll attach their identity to the external, to their beauty, to their performance, to their career.
59:50And then when they lose that career or they lose that NFL football career they've got, then they don't know who they are without it. So this identity should be deeply rooted in who you are, not just what you do.
1:00:02That's a long term talk about that because I've been I've been playing around with that a lot myself lately. Okay. And in in trying to articulate that because I think the world has convinced us that what we do is our value.
1:00:13So even people's introductions to themselves is, oh, I'm an accountant.
1:00:19I'm a lawyer. I'm an author. I'm a coach.
1:00:21I'm a podcaster, whatever it is. We're describing I am followed by a doing word, not a being word.
1:00:29And so even our value in societies also and so went to that college or so and so has that job like we see value. And even in the past, the way you had value was someone was a blacksmith Yep.
1:00:40And someone was a baker Yep. And that was their value. Mhmm.
1:00:43And then even before that, we used to barter because of what we did, and then we could trade that. So so much of identity for
1:00:50hundreds of years has been tied up in what we do. Oh, by the way, it's a you're so brilliant, bro. I love our conversations.
1:00:57It's a very dangerous way to live your life. When your identity is tied up in what you do as a rather than who you are, as you say being, you're in a very dangerous place. Because if it's tied to those things and they then they don't exist, you're completely lost without them.
1:01:11And it is a very shallow, and I don't mean like shallow in the sense that like, you know, shallow like a I mean, it's not a very there's not a lot of depth to that identity that is long lasting when it's attached to what we do or what we look like or what we've achieved. You know, you'll say that you're right. I've just I just met someone the other day who I knew immediately they lacked a strong identity because they can they immediately just resume'ed me.
1:01:35I did this. I did that. I've achieved this.
1:01:38I was written here. I was that. And I went I actually stopped them and because I really liked them.
1:01:43And I won't say who she was, but I said, you know, I really like you. I like you. What impresses me is you, who you are, your kindness.
1:01:54She's brilliant, by the way, this woman too. You're so brilliant. You're so kind.
1:01:59That's your identity. Your identity isn't your MBA. Your identity isn't your career.
1:02:04That's not your identity, but they've linked it to that. And it is a dangerous way to live your life and it's not a deep way to live your life. A deep way to live your life where you can make impact in multiple areas is to root your identity in who you are, those intentions, the things that you believe to be true, your character, the way you conduct yourself, your value in life, your value, your valuable, that's where identity is deeply rooted, not in the external.
1:02:33It's okay to be proud of your degree or your achievement or your career or your company, that's different. Being proud of something and and having a sense of gratitude for what you've achieved, that's great.
1:02:44But when you link your identity to it, you're in a dangerous and shallow place. Absolutely.
1:02:49Uh, last question, Ed. We've talked about peace.
1:02:52We've talked about productivity. How does it not lead to burnout when you're trying to do all this?
1:02:58Right? You're working on the internal self. You're working on the productivity.
1:03:02It's like, gosh, Jay, I'm I'm exhausted trying to do all this and exhausted trying to manage. Like, I I wanna be successful, but I wanna be spiritual. I'm trying to I wanna be everything and do everything, like Mhmm.
1:03:12How do you how have you managed and what have been your reflections on burnout, exhaustion, and then, of course, ruining relationships in the process?
1:03:20Well, I've done all those.
1:03:22So I have experience in burnout and ruining relationships and messing things up. And and here's what I've learned. I want all the things I want, but I don't have to have them right now.
1:03:33Mhmm. And it's the right now of life. I gotta be in a hurry.
1:03:35Gotta do it. I gotta do it. I gotta do it now.
1:03:37Now. Now. There's a power of now.
1:03:39Some people lack the ability to operate in the now. But for me, it's I have built into my life rest. Last night, I slept twelve hours.
1:03:48Wow. And the reason was is I've been getting to the point right now where I'm tinkering on the edge of too much now, too much now, too much now.
1:03:57And so I reflect back on my faith, I reflect back on I love I mean, there's basic things I know you do, but I'm a big person on earthing and grounding. I love to get outdoors. I love to put my bare feet in the ground and let that recharge me.
1:04:09I'm real big on my recharge stuff now. And sometimes that means lots of sleep. Believe it or not, I used to brag that I got five or six hours of sleep and I could operate on that.
1:04:20And I've learned over time, maybe there's a season for that that's great, but there's also a season where I listen to my body. You're the best at this, but I've gotten better at listening to my spirit and my body. And when my spirit is screaming at me, you need to rest, you need to recharge.
1:04:35I listen to my body, especially at 52 years old, my body will speak to me even more now than sometimes it ever has in my life, and I listen to it. And I've given myself the gift.
1:04:45I'm not afraid anymore. You and I have talked about this privately. I'm not afraid anymore that I'm gonna lose momentum.
1:04:51I can say no to something. I can rest. I can recharge.
1:04:54I can reflect, and it doesn't mean I'm gonna lose momentum. I used to believe if I don't keep going, I'm gonna lose the momentum I've got. And the truth is that's an insecurity in me.
1:05:03That's my lack of identity screaming at me. And there's really three things, whether you believe in whatever your spiritual beliefs are.
1:05:10But if I if I was the adversary or the devil, what would I do to try to get you off track? What would I do?
1:05:16There's really three things. The first thing I would do is I get you to doubt. Three d's.
1:05:20I'll get you to doubt. Can I get Jay Shetty doubting himself? Doubting that it matters, doubting his ability, doubting he can go to the next level.
1:05:27I'm gonna get him to doubt. Well, that's been happening. Yeah.
1:05:29If I me too. Yeah. Me too.
1:05:31I can see it on your face right now. Yeah. Me too.
1:05:34Doubting me. The second thing is I'll get him discouraged. I'll have a real critic.
1:05:39I'll have some hits. Have him have a miss or two, swing and a miss. Right?
1:05:44If I can get them discouraged, then I got them. And the third thing, if I can't do that or I'll do both, I'll get them a bit delusional.
1:05:51Delusion is believing something's worse than it is or better than it is and you thought stack and you start to stack it. What about this? What about this?
1:05:58What about this? What about this? And I get you magnifying something to believe that it's a far bigger problem than it is, far more dramatic than it is, or far better than it is.
1:06:07Dude, you just explained my last twelve months. Oh my God. Wow.
1:06:11And so those are the three d's. And so it's it's doubt, discouragement, and delusion.
1:06:16Wow. And what I try to do is when I see them showing up and they do, I go, I know exactly what this is. This is this is the negative coming to get me.
1:06:26This is this is trying to get me off course in my dreams and my vision and my contribution. And I am not gonna let other people be cheated because I doubt and I'm discouraged and I'm delusional. And so I really focus when those things come up and I identify them when they're there and I root them out because I know where they're coming from and they're not coming from good, they're not coming from God, they're not coming from high vibrational frequency, they're coming from the worst of the worst.
1:06:51And so I absolutely rid them out when they show up.
1:06:55Ed, that is a huge gift to me. You have no idea. You have no idea.
1:06:59Okay, brother. Well, good. Generally, you have no idea.
1:07:02That is Well, you're a gift to me every time. That is no. That's a real gift.
1:07:04Ed Myler, everyone. Follow Ed on Instagram if you don't already. Go and listen to his podcast Max Out and books.
1:07:12I mean, no. No. No new books right now.
1:07:13No. Just the power one more. Yeah.
1:07:15My book is better. The book we discussed last time. Power one more.
1:07:18Can help anybody any way I can, man. Always here. Ed, you're the best.
1:07:21Thank you so much for coming back. Love you. Love these conversation.
1:07:23Honestly, they're so healing and therapeutic to me. I feel like I'm that 72 spending time with the 95. It's like, it really does heat me up honestly, genuinely, like, these these are such life giving conversations for me.
1:07:35So I'm so glad we recorded them. I'm so glad we got to share it and Thank you. Grateful, man.
1:07:39I'm genuinely grateful. Thank you. So am I brother.
1:07:41You're a blessing in my life. You're a blessing. Yeah.
1:07:43Thank you. If you love this episode, you'll enjoy my interview with doctor Daniel Eamon on how to change your life by changing your brain. If we want a healthy mind,
1:07:55it actually starts with a healthy brain. You know, I've had the blessing or the curse to scan over a thousand convicted felons and over a 100 murderers, and their brains are very damaged.
The Hook
The bait, then the rug-pull.
Ed Mylett opens with a provocation: the 24-hour day is an archaic relic from a pre-digital era, and continuing to manage time that way is like driving a car at horse-and-buggy speed. But the real hook is quieter — a confession that one of the most visibly confident men in the personal-development world spent years unconsciously manufacturing chaos because fear was the only emotional home he knew.
How they asked for the click.
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