Priscilla Shirer and Ed Mylett on margin, momentum, and the hidden cost of every yes said for the wrong reason.
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Big Idea
The argument in one line.
Every yes said out of guilt or fear of missing out eventually becomes regret, and the blank space you protect by saying no is not empty time — it is the resource from which real presence, creativity, and meaningful connection are drawn.
Who This Is For
Read if. Skip if.
READ IF YOU ARE…
You have a packed calendar and still feel behind, like the life you are actually living keeps slipping past you.
You say yes more often out of obligation or fear of losing momentum than out of genuine alignment with your priorities.
You are raising a family while building something and carry a low-grade guilt that you are shortchanging one for the other.
You grew up in a faith context, drifted, and feel a pull back but are put off by the people who represent it.
You want a framework for setting limits that is not self-help productivity advice but rooted in something deeper.
SKIP IF…
You are looking for tactical time-management systems or calendar optimization frameworks — this conversation stays at the philosophy and values layer.
Explicit faith framing is a dealbreaker for you — both hosts are openly Christian and the conversation returns there repeatedly.
TL;DR
The full version, fast.
The conversation turns on a single inversion: saying no is not rejection, it is alignment. Priscilla Shirer argues that every yes driven by guilt or FOMO becomes future regret, and that protecting blank space on your calendar is how you accumulate the presence, patience, and energy that real relationships and real work require. The conversation extends into trusting God with outcomes rather than trying to manage them, the danger of deferring your life until conditions are perfect, and how intentional parenting requires the same deliberate sacrifice as any other meaningful commitment. The episode closes with a direct address to the faith skeptic: human disappointment is not evidence against God but an agitator pointing toward something better.
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Cold open mid-conversation. Priscilla introduces the core thesis: guilt-driven yeses become regret; purposeful nos open space for the right yeses and for the people coming up behind you.
03:01 – 04:29
02 · Staying present when you're busy
She appears far more busy than she is because she protects her no. Home most of the month; gone twice a month at most.
04:29 – 07:55
03 · Fear of losing momentum
Ed probes whether fear of losing relevance drives her to say yes. Priscilla acknowledges the possibility but distinguishes awareness from worry; she trusts God with the outcome.
07:55 – 08:54
04 · What trusting God actually looks like
Ed pushes past the platitude. Priscilla: it is hard, varies by personality type, and starts with doing your part fully then releasing the result.
08:54 – 10:24
05 · Why having kids taught her to let go
Parenting is where the control impulse becomes undeniable. Learning to release her kids became the daily practice that transferred to everything else.
10:24 – 12:29
06 · The power of margin
Blank space on the calendar is a resource pool — enabling walks, uninterrupted writing, and the patience to engage the stranger at Starbucks instead of being annoyed.
12:29 – 16:09
07 · Life rhythm and the social media trap
The rhythm people race is filtered and constructed. We do not know the cost its creators are paying. Both host and guest reflect on auditing their own priorities by age and season.
16:09 – 19:03
08 · An anointing to communicate
Growing up attending Tony Evans's church every Sunday was an unrecognized master class. Zig Ziglar and Anne Graham Lotz were in the environment. She was absorbing without knowing it.
19:03 – 24:03
09 · Spring cleaning your life
Less is more — in communications, in closets, and in relationships. Editing creates clarity, utility, and space to actually use what remains.
24:03 – 30:50
10 · Stop waiting for the next season
The Kurt Russell scene from The Madison and Priscilla's mother's deferred Australia trip: two stories about arriving at the metaphorical beach too late. The season you are in holds the keys to the next.
30:50 – 32:04
11 · Sponsor — LifeSurge
Ed promotes LifeSurge live events with co-speakers Tim Tebow, Willie Robertson, John Maxwell, Craig Groeschel.
32:04 – 36:58
12 · Raising kids while chasing a dream
Priscilla recounts her son's question: was it intentional that you were always around? Her answer: yes, it cost us, and it required deciding in advance that if the kids could not come, neither could we.
36:58 – 39:55
13 · Confidence plus humility
The rare combination. Confidence without humility goes shallow. Humility without confidence becomes a drain. Faith and family keep the balance.
39:55 – 41:17
14 · Making others feel seen
Ed names Priscilla's superpower: she makes everyone feel seen intentionally. He frames it as a shortcut to happiness that most people overlook.
41:17 – 43:58
15 · For the skeptic or the seeker
The dissatisfaction with imperfect Christians is not evidence against the faith — it is the signal that you were made for something those people were never equipped to deliver. The longing itself is the invitation.
Atomic Insights
Lines worth screenshotting.
Every no you say out of security opens a gap that someone coming up behind you actually needs.
Saying yes out of guilt does not make the regret smaller — it just delays it until the day arrives.
A packed calendar is not a badge of honor; it is often a barrier to the life you are trying to build.
Blank calendar space is a resource pool, not a problem to fill.
The rhythm people try to match on social media is filtered and constructed — no one posts the price they are paying.
When you stop trying to manage the portion of the outcome that was never yours, the anxiety you mistook for drive starts to dissolve.
The key you need for your next season is almost always already present in your current one, and you miss it by rushing.
Two people can have the same faith conversation and land in completely different places because personality shapes how surrender feels.
Confidence without humility goes shallow fast; humility without confidence drains the people around you.
Making someone feel seen is a compounding act — it costs almost nothing and returns more than most strategies people work hard to execute.
Intentional parenting is not a mood; it is a series of decisions, each with a real cost, that compound into culture.
The dissatisfaction with human disappointment is the invitation, not the obstacle — you were made for something the imperfect people around you cannot deliver.
The communicator who cuts down to the essential point is doing the harder work, not the easier one.
Momentum is not something you protect by saying yes to everything; it is something you lose by never having margin to think.
Waiting for the perfect conditions to start your life is a plan with an obvious endpoint and a price you do not know you are paying until you get there.
Takeaway
What a purposeful no actually protects.
WHAT TO LEARN
Saying no from security — not guilt, not fear — is the mechanism by which you keep the margin, presence, and energy that real priorities actually require.
01Every no creates a yes
A yes said from guilt or FOMO delivers a version of you that already regrets being there — the people receiving it notice.
Saying no from security does not just protect your time; it opens a space that someone coming up behind you actually needs to occupy.
02Staying present when you're busy
High visible output and genuine presence are compatible only when protected absence is also present — the people who appear everywhere are often home most of the month.
03Fear of losing momentum
The fear of losing momentum is real and worth naming, but awareness of a cost is different from being controlled by it.
Momentum lost because you stepped back intentionally is often recovered; momentum lost because you burned yourself out is not.
04What trusting God actually looks like
Trusting an outcome requires doing your full part first — the release is not abdication, it is where your work ends.
Anxiety and drive feel similar from inside, but one comes from trying to manage a portion of the outcome you were never assigned.
05Why having kids taught her to let go
Parenting makes the control impulse undeniable because the stakes are obvious — the same release practiced with your kids transfers to every other domain where you are trying to manage what is not yours.
06The power of margin
Margin is a resource pool, not a scheduling failure. The patience to engage a stranger, the focus to write without interruption, the energy to be fully present — all of it draws from the same account.
A packed calendar feels like peak performance from outside; from inside it often feels like a series of things you cannot wait to be done with.
07Life rhythm and the social media trap
The rhythm people try to match on social media is filtered, constructed, and missing the cost column entirely.
Matching someone else's perceived pace without knowing the price they are paying is how people build a life they resent while chasing a life someone else performed.
08An anointing to communicate
Skill at communication is built through absorption first — immersion in people who do it well, often before you know you will ever need to do it yourself.
The communicator who cuts down to the essential point is doing harder work than the one who includes everything they know.
09Spring cleaning your life
When there is too much in a space — a closet, a calendar, a relationship list — you stop seeing what is actually there and default to the familiar few.
Editing forces clarity. The things that remain after a real edit are the ones you actually use.
10Stop waiting for the next season
The resources, relationships, and character needed for the next season are almost always already present in the current one — rushing past it is waste, not ambition.
Deferring the good things in your life until the right conditions arrive is a plan with an obvious endpoint. The conditions will not be what you imagined.
12Raising kids while chasing a dream
Intentional parenting is decided in advance, not improvised. The decision that shapes the outcome is made when both options are open, not after the opportunity has passed.
Children absorb the decisions you make about what is worth sacrificing for them. The lesson is not what you say about priorities — it is what you do when the choice is real.
13Confidence plus humility
Confidence without humility produces shallow depth and a high ceiling for catastrophic blind spots.
The people who remain grounded at scale are usually surrounded by people who knew them before and still treat them the same.
14Making others feel seen
Making people feel seen is a practice, not a personality type — it requires noticing and then naming, which anyone can learn.
The compounding effect of making people feel seen over years opens relational depth that strategy and platform alone cannot replicate.
15For the skeptic or the seeker
The disappointment you feel when people in a faith context fail you is not evidence that the faith is broken — it is the signal that you were made for something those people were never equipped to deliver.
The longing itself is the invitation. The dissatisfaction with what exists is pointing at what does not yet but could.
Glossary
Terms worth knowing.
Margin
Intentionally unscheduled space in your calendar and mental bandwidth. Not idle time but the resource pool from which presence, creativity, and unexpected connection are drawn.
Anointing
In Pentecostal and charismatic Christian usage, a divinely granted gift or empowerment for a specific calling — here applied to Priscilla Shirer's communication ability, framing it as something beyond trained skill alone.
Going Beyond Ministries
Priscilla Shirer's non-profit ministry organization, which produces Bible studies, books, and live events rooted in her teaching work.
One sentence that inverts the conventional anxiety about saying no — complete thought, zero setup needed.→ TikTok hook↗ Tweet quote
05:33
“I appear far more busy than I am because from the outside looking in, it looks like I'm everywhere doing everything, and I'm really not.”
Punctures the performance of busy-ness; shareable for audience who feels overwhelmed watching others.→ IG reel cold open↗ Tweet quote
10:31
“The blank space on my calendar is not a threat to me.”
Counterintuitive claim that reframes white space as resource, not failure.→ TikTok hook↗ Tweet quote
26:15
“You don't even know that the key for what you need in the next season is in your current season.”
Self-contained takeaway on present-moment value.→ newsletter pull-quote↗ Tweet quote
35:09
“Unless you choose priorities and then mold your life around those priorities, those priorities will be watered down.”
Tight, memorable claim on intentionality — applicable to parenting, business, faith.→ IG reel cold open↗ Tweet quote
42:02
“People and just the things of earth will constantly disappoint. And instead of them turning us off to a relationship with God, they're supposed to be a reminder... we were made for something different.”
Strong close for faith-adjacent audience — reframes disillusionment as direction.→ TikTok hook↗ Tweet quote
Topic Map
Where the conversation goes.
00:00 – 04:29denseThe philosophy of no
04:29 – 08:54denseMomentum, fear, and trusting outcomes
08:54 – 12:29denseLetting go through parenting and faith
10:24 – 12:29denseMargin and calendar as resource
12:29 – 16:09steadyLife rhythm vs. social media distortion
16:09 – 19:03steadyCommunication as a craft
19:03 – 24:03steadyEditing and simplification across domains
24:03 – 30:50densePresent-moment living and deferred life
32:04 – 36:58denseIntentional parenting
36:58 – 41:17steadyConfidence, humility, and making others feel seen
41:17 – 43:58denseFaith for the skeptic
The Script
Word for word.
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metaphoranalogystory
00:00Honestly, it's there are more no's than yes's. But the no's, every no creates an opportunity for a yes.
00:08I realized a long time ago that if I say yes to something out of guilt, because maybe they've asked four times before and I haven't been able to do it, or yes out of fear of missing out, it's an opportunity. Every time I said yes for those reasons, I regretted it. Because I'd get to that day and my kid has a soccer game.
00:25Yeah. I'd get to that day and goodness gracious, I could have taken a vacation that week with my husband, but now there's something planted in the middle of the week that I didn't say yes to for pure reasons. Mhmm.
00:36So that happens enough to you and you have that feeling of remorse that you didn't an honest genuine yes, then it it starts to not be worth it anymore. Yeah.
00:45That if I'm too insecure to to open up that gap, that I'm actually standing in the way of somebody else who might be coming up behind me and just needs a place to be. But I'm so insecure that I keep showing up in the spaces that are now meant for them.
01:01I kinda keep that in my mind that, man, when I was 20, there were some people in their fifties that started to have different priorities maybe in that season because of grandkids coming along. They were secure enough to say their nose that somebody sat there and thought, well, you know what?
01:15There's this little girl named Priscilla. She's 27. Let's just give her a chance.
01:20goodness. That's one of the best answers we've got on the show.
01:29Alright. Welcome back to the show, everybody. So I gotta tell you, there's a buzz around the arena that we're doing this in right now that this lady's on our show.
01:37I'm speaking at an event that she's also speaking at today, and they've informed me that she is by far the biggest draw of all the speakers. Like, 85 times the draw that I am, and there's a reason for it.
01:49She's also the most incredible speaker you ever see ever in your life. She's incredible. I've watched her.
01:55She's just she's unreal, but she's not just a speaker. She's an author. She's a mother.
01:58She's got going beyond ministries. She's you probably know her from the war room. She's she's just super famous.
02:09And she's, uh, she's one of the people that's been on my list for years to get a chance to interview, and I've met her recently. And she's so nice in person and so humble. You know when you have somebody that you all admire like you do this woman?
02:19She's even better in person, and I think you're gonna enjoy the time with her today. Priscilla Shire, welcome to the show. Thank you for having me.
02:25I appreciate you so much. True. Wait till this crowd hears you.
02:30Okay. Let's start in the very beginning. Okay.
02:32What's it like to be you? And I'm in it from this way. Let me tell you the way that I mean it.
02:36You're busy. And so people listening to this may not relate to being in movies or writing books or having ministry work or all that stuff, but they do relate to being busy. Yeah.
02:48You've got all these different business ventures that you do, yet you show up with really present energy every time that I've met you and I'm with you including today. I'm wondering how you do that, if you have any strategies you use or anything like that you'd share with busy people.
03:01Well, who's not busy? You know what I mean? We kinda live in a culture that creates a a vortex of busyness Right.
03:07That if you're not intentional, it will consume you. Mhmm.
03:10So it's it's something I'm not perfect at for sure, where it's kinda like we're growing and ebbing and flowing and maturing in this our whole lives. But, man, I've had to learn how to just say good solid no's. Mhmm.
03:21And, I mean, honestly, it's there are more no's than yeses.
03:26But the no's, every no creates an opportunity for a yes. I realized a long time ago that if I say yes to something out of guilt, because maybe they've asked four times before and I haven't been able to do it, or yes out of fear of missing out, it's an opportunity.
03:41Every time I said yes for those reasons, I regretted it. It because I'd get to that day, and my kid has a soccer game. Yeah.
03:48I'd get to that day, and goodness gracious, I could have taken a vacation that week with my husband, but now there's something planted in the middle of the week that I didn't say yes to for pure reasons. Mhmm. Um, so that happens enough to you, and you have that feeling of remorse that you didn't say an honest, genuine yes, then it it starts to not be worth it anymore.
04:07Yeah. So I appear far more busy than I am. I appear far more busy than I am because from the outside looking in, it looks like I'm everywhere doing everything, and I'm really not.
04:16Wow. I'm home most of the month. If I'm gone twice a month because I've said yes to those two things, then that's gonna be two twenty four to forty eight hour periods that I'm away.
04:27Other than that, I'm at home. Really good. I wish I'd have asked you that about fourteen years ago.
04:32Me too. Because I'm just I'm not good at that. I you you know why?
04:36And I I wanna ask you this. I think this is why people say yes. Well, I think there's a lot reasons.
04:39One is people pleasing or whatever. Of course. But, also, the fear of losing momentum.
04:43Of course. Do you ever have that fear? I mean, you're you're I was I wasn't joking in the beginning.
04:46I was being serious. I said it lighthearted. Yeah.
04:48You've built this massive following and notoriety and, frankly, influence. And I wonder if you worry ever That's a good question.
04:58That I've asked other people on the show. I had Sebastian Maniscalco, the comedian. I said, do you worry you're gonna lose it?
05:02And because he said, I have a hard time saying no. And he said, yes. Mhmm.
05:06I do. And I've asked a lot of people that, and they say they worry that. I wonder that that doesn't impact you.
05:10I will say that it occurs to me that there's always the possibility there that if you're not saying all the yeses and you're not doing all the things, there is a there is there is a a cost to that. There is a loss to that momentum. I don't know that it worries me.
05:24I I am grateful for the reality. And, again, this is something that that I I don't wanna sound like I'm a master at it.
05:31No. It's something that I have to kind of regulate constantly because you're watching other people that look like their their things growing faster Yeah.
05:39Or or more exponentially. I I look forward, though, to the the fact that when I have said no to something for whatever those reasons are, I have actually opened up a window of opportunity for somebody coming up behind me that if I'm too insecure to to open up that gap, that I'm actually standing in the way of somebody else who might be coming up behind me and just needs a place to be.
06:02But I'm so insecure that I keep showing up in the spaces that are now meant for them. Wow. Wow.
06:08Wow. I kinda keep that in my mind that, man, when I was 20, there were some people in their fifties that started to have different priorities maybe in that season because of grandkids coming along. They were secure enough to say their nose that somebody sat there and thought, well, you know what?
06:22There's this little girl named Priscilla. She's 27. Let's just give her a chance.
06:27There had to be a gap and a space for that. So I'm at least aware of that. I can't say that it worries me.
06:32I'm aware of the loss of momentum. Sometimes that just comes with age. Yeah.
06:36The the relevancy to a certain context might not be the same when you're in the age or space or season that you're in. So I'm aware that that could happen for a number of reasons, but it doesn't worry me. I'm trusting God with this season just like I did with the last one, and I'm just expecting that he's gonna honor me as I seek to keep honoring him.
06:57hear that a lot from believers. I'm just gonna trust in God. Yeah.
07:01And, obviously, I think most people know your background, your father. Yeah.
07:06He's a good dad. Good dad. And and A good mom and good dad.
07:10And and led a lot of people to Jesus as well. Yeah. Right?
07:13And I I've never asked anybody this before because I say it too, and I've become much my effect my word for this year is surrender. It's a good word.
07:22Yeah. Just It's a hard word. It is a hard word.
07:24Right? And so I'm just wondering. It's a hard question, but you're so you've such an ability.
07:29There are bright people. Right? And then a rarer ability is to have what I consider high IQ or EQ, which I think you have, and then the ability to articulate a thought.
07:37You just I'm gonna ask you about that later. But what does that look like, like relying on God? Because everybody says that because someone's driving in their car.
07:45They're running on the treadmill right now. They have a problem, and they're they're running they're ruminating it over and over in their mind thinking, if I just keep thinking about this again, I'm gonna find a different answer.
07:56What does it look like? Like, day to day, I'm gonna trust God in this season or rely on God.
08:01What's that like? Hard. That's what it's like.
08:04But I will say it is easier I I have to just kind of reconcile the fact that it is easier for some personality types than it is for others. Wow.
08:14I'm a easygoing personality type. There are some people, friends and family members that I have, we can have the same conversation. And the answer will be completely different because they're more type a, kind of a perfectionist by nature.
08:27I'm more of a relaxed personality. Really? So yeah.
08:30So I would say that it probably is easier for me to come to that, but we're all human and want some modicum of control or management of our family life or our our business life or we we'd love to have it packaged a little bit more clearly.
08:45And I think that as time has gone on, the main thing that has helped me to relax and need to trust god more fully is having kids.
08:55It's this constant reality that I've gotta let go. That to the extent that I try to manage and control is the extent to which I'm gonna experience more and more stress and anxiety and not be able to actually enjoy them.
09:09Wow. So it's something that being a mom has begun to work even more in me.
09:14Let go. 20 years old, 21 years old, 22 years old.
09:22Now I can enjoy you because I'm not trying to control you. That principle has been true with other areas of my life.
09:29Okay, Lord. I'm struggling because I'd love to be able to manage this thing and control this thing. I'm just gonna do my part, be prepared, um, make sure that I'm honing the craft, the guilt the skill, the opportunity you've given me.
09:41I'm gonna do my part. But if I keep trying to do your part Wow.
09:45Then I'm not gonna enjoy this ride of life Mhmm. Because I'm gonna be too busy trying to to manage it and step into that god margin.
09:52So over time and again, I'm talking about this like I'm an expert in it, and I'm not. It's a constant daily, weekly, monthly. Okay.
10:00The next twenty four hours, what has god asked me to do? I'm a show up and do that to the best of my abilities, and I'm gonna leave the outcome to him. My goodness.
10:07That's one of the best answers we've had on the show. That was such by the way, that model earlier too that you said about saying no to things, I'm just reflecting on things you're saying, and that it opens up other yeses. That's a faith thing as well.
10:18It is a faith that god's gonna open up these other doors as you let other people walk through the ones that it's their time to walk through. Yeah. Absolutely.
10:25And I think that when we don't have margin What's margin mean? I know what it means, but explain yeah.
10:31Blank space. The blank space on my calendar is not a threat to me. I'm not afraid of it.
10:38I look at that blank space on Saturday, on a Sunday, on a Monday, on a Tuesday. And what that means is I can take a walk without the pressure of I've gotta hurry up and catch a flight. I gotta hurry.
10:49The pressure of another important thing on my calendar, That margin allows me to take the walk, to have the conversation with my husband, to write without interruption because I can just spend the four hours writing or studying or baking the bread for my family or doing a thing because there's space there to do it without my mental, uh, real estate being taken up with the pressure of something that actually I have to go do as well.
11:15Yeah. That margin becomes an invitation not only to enjoy the regular rhythms of life, but also the surprises that I feel like we work ourselves out of that God wants to give us.
11:25But we don't even have enough resource of time, of patience, of energy, of, um, wisdom or insight.
11:34We're so tapped out all the time that we don't have an overflow to engage the stranger who stops us in the line at Starbucks and, you know, strikes up a conversation instead of being annoyed at that person.
11:47Now I have a little bit of margin to smile back Mhmm. And have a little three minute conversation because all my space isn't crowded. And that conversation, hopefully, is not only a blessing to them, but it becomes a blessing to me.
11:59Like, God surprises me. Oh my goodness. I'm so glad I had this moment of margin to interact with this person.
12:05And now this what could have been an interruption is an invitation and a divine moment that I can enjoy.
12:14That's tremendous. So I've just enjoyed those pockets of margin. God kinda fills them in with little winks from heaven.
12:21Wow. I was I I didn't know we were gonna go here. And what I was just thinking when you were talking, so help me go one more layer on it.
12:29It almost sounds like there's a a life rhythm to your existence, and that's why you're fully you could be fully present. I was just thinking, in other areas, like, you're an athlete, rhythm matters.
12:40Right? If you're enjoying a party or a dance or prayer or whatever, there's a rhythm. There's a pace.
12:45There's a cadence to it. I almost feel like in our culture today with social media and speed and the news and who did this and we're the that we've lost the desire or even the the consciousness of being in a rhythm in our lives, of having some pace and rhythm and cadence to our existence.
13:02Does that sound right? I I agree with you, and it's being controlled by a rhythm we're watching in other people's lives that's perceived.
13:11It's created. It's filtered. So it looks like the rhythm of their life is that way or the cadence of their life is that way.
13:18But we're just seeing their highlights. We're just seeing the bits and pieces they give us. Right.
13:21And then we're trying to keep up with it and model ourselves after it. And we don't know the cost. We don't know the price they're paying.
13:28We don't know the lack of peace they have or the lack of sleep they have. We don't know what their family life is like. Yeah.
13:34But we're trying to match it, and it's costing us in ways that we have never anticipated. Now it's your it's your podcast, but I have to ask you about the exact same thing. Mhmm.
13:43Because I look at your world and your life and how engaged you are with people and how much you're doing, and I wonder about that for you. How do you manage sort of the rhythm of your life?
13:53That's such a great question. I I've learned a little bit
13:56of another level of it just sitting here with you. Because by the way, it's actually true what you've said. Like, we've even talked about doing the show for many many months and Yeah.
14:03Finally, the time was right and I really admire that about you. I think part of what you said earlier for me has been age. Yeah.
14:10And also, it'd be cool for two people that have had the blessing of some achievement to share this. In all honesty, I audit my dreams now.
14:20Things that mattered to me at 25 or 35, which was just that season of my life, which is healthy at that season of my life, no longer are as important to me. And so I'm I'm sort of regularly prayerfully asking for guidance and a little bit of auditing of what is important to me now at 55 as opposed to at 25 or 35.
14:41And I think I've done a better job of choosing things that I just had a conversation this morning, ironically. Very well known person in the personal development space.
14:50One of my dearest friends, she called me this morning in kind of a got feeling great mode. It was actually I was getting ready for another podcast, and was a little bit late because I we're so deeply engaged in this.
15:00And I said to her, she's just a little bit like, what should I be doing? I'm not sure.
15:04And I said at this stage of my life, if I'm if if it gives me energy when I do it I'm not saying it's not work.
15:12Speaking is work. But if I feel energized, my soul feels fulfilled at this stage, I wanna do more of it.
15:19But if I'm looking at my calendar and everything on it is I can't wait till that's over Oh. I don't want my calendar to be loaded with that. Now there are certain stages of life, I think you'd agree, where you just have to do difficult things.
15:29You do the thing that's next. You do the thing that's next. That's right.
15:32But in between those gaps or that margin that you said, I have given myself more space. I have played a little bit more golf. I am I I pray more times a day now and more engaged in my conversation with god than I've ever been.
15:43It's not like, oh, it's 09:30. I'm gonna hit my knees and say my prayers now. It's all the time or any time.
15:50The day. Yeah. So that's changed things for me, and I think it's made me lighter.
15:53I don't think I'm quite as I think my tendency like, you don't have I think I'm a I can be heavy. You know what mean? Like, I can be wound up and heavy.
16:00Do you know what I'm saying? Like, I'm an intense guy. Who?
16:06And I'm just I'm a little lighter. It's a little lighter to be around me. By the way, how do you do this?
16:11This is what I the this I'm referring to. You have an anointing to communicate.
16:17Is it just an anointing or have you worked at it? Like, you're an incredible actress. You also have this form of expression of writing that you've been great at, and you are electric on stage.
16:29I mean, you are clearly That means a lot coming from you. Thank you. By the way, and I'm and I mean that.
16:35And I am a little bit of I think my ability to compliment people on speaking is I I really am sort of scrutinizing on that. It's a crap. You are unbelievable.
16:52I did not realize that first of all, thank you. But I didn't realize until later in life that my whole upbringing, I was in a master class for communications.
17:02Mhmm. It it is what it is. I my dad has been my pastor since I was one year old.
17:10Every Sunday, pretty much, for my entire life, I have watched Tony Evans preach.
17:16He is a master orator. Mhmm. Clearly, he is a preacher, so he's preaching the bible.
17:21But even if he wasn't, his ability to tie illustrations to principle, his ability to make sure the message is concise and clear, because sometimes as communicators, the hardest thing is to cut out all the extraneous things that might be great points, but they're not the point.
17:36Mhmm. And then your audience being able to take away the one thing you were saying, that's hard.
17:42I watched dad do that every week. Mhmm. So the reality is just the craft of communicating.
17:48Mhmm. I didn't realize I was absorbing that. I thought everybody spoke like that.
17:54And because of who also dad was around, um, my early years, I was around Zig Ziglar. Wow.
18:02I just was with him. He was like a grandfather. I was just around him at events and sitting next to him and talking to him and watching him speak.
18:09Wow. I was around Anne Graham Lotz, who's one of Billy Graham's daughters, and, oh my gosh, I was just watching her like, you gotta be kidding me. Mhmm.
18:15You know? So there were people that I was just around, and I was watching the craft that I did not know in those years I would be a communicator for a living in this way. I didn't know that or for a ministry.
18:26So, um, in hindsight, I realized it wasn't something that I was actively practicing. I was just absorbing.
18:33And then, obviously, through the years, when you're doing a thing you know, I look back on some of my writing from, you know, twenty years ago, and you look back at some of that, you're like, lord, have mercy. Told you. What in the world?
18:43Every league. Who was reading this? You know?
18:45So it's just in the doing of a thing. I do think, and I'm grateful for this, that I wasn't so timid even though I knew my limitations that I wouldn't just do it anyway.
19:01Meaning, sometimes when we know our weakness, we know we're not that great of a thing, it keeps you from even trying. Mhmm.
19:09And whenever I would be in that moment where I'm like, uh-uh, I'm not gonna speak because I'm not good enough, or I'm not gonna write because I can't, There would be some voice of encouragement saying, just do it. Just put the words down as you can. And in exercising that, you don't know that you're building one layer on top of another, and there's maturity coming as you're going.
19:28So I am grateful that was just doing it all along even though I look back and go, man, that was terrible. That was a terrible paragraph I wrote in that book. But it's all exercise.
19:38Mhmm. And you're building maturity and excellence as you go. It's so funny you say that I just redid the audio version of one of my books, and I'm like, oh my gosh.
19:47This is so bad. So It's just like crippling when you look back on it.
19:52You know? But what I did learn, I just wanna reinforce a principle for people that are listening is that maybe you're not a stage speaker. Maybe you're a salesperson.
19:58Yeah. Heck. Maybe you're just a mom or a dad.
20:00What you said about editing and cutting it down to fewer words, I gotta tell you, my biggest blessing was I was a broadcast major in college.
20:11There's success leaves clues. Right? And And so I didn't come back to doing it.
20:14I didn't know there was pod when I was in college, there were no podcasts. I never knew I would even use it. Right?
20:19But what you learn in broadcasting is to say something most people say in more words and fewer because you gotta get it into bites. And so I learned to write and communicate, think that way. You're totally right about that.
20:29Mhmm. Less is usually more in your sales presentation.
20:32Even with your kids, it's usually less is more. So I really, really believe that. Way in most areas of life, even in the most fundamental silly ways like your closet.
20:42If you have so much stuff in there, this might be a woman's problem. No. It I relate.
20:46You got so much stuff in there, you actually end up wearing the same three things over and over because you can't see what's in there. It's all smashed together. It's too complicated.
20:54It's overwhelming. You walk in. You're just frustrated, so you just keep picking the same two or three things.
20:57Mhmm. You edit that stuff and get it down to some good things that you actually wear, that you like, they fit you now in this season of life, and you space it out. Mhmm.
21:08You start enjoying what you have and utilizing what you have more because there's less. Very,
21:16I did a podcast on it. I did a whole thing on spring cleaning your life, but it started with my own closet. I'm like, I why am I keeping this I haven't worn this shirt in eight years.
21:24Like Not eight. Well, I'm trying to be polite to myself.
21:29I've worn this shirt in twenty eight years. You know? I've been around a long time, but I I very much agree with that.
21:35Sometimes just spring cleaning opens up clarity, and you can see things that you wouldn't see. And by the way, even sometimes, I think you'd agree, sometimes even relationships.
21:43There are certain relationships in your life that you know aren't serving you, but you keep them around.
21:52Do you agree with that? Oh, absolutely. There's so many things that, again, it's just there, whether it's a person or it's a habit that we've had or it's a, you know, something that's been a part of our life for as long as we can remember.
22:04And we haven't taken the time to do what you said earlier, which is just pause and reevaluate. Mhmm. We're just comfortable with it, And it's just a part of our daily rhythm we've never thought about.
22:12Is it serving me right now? Right. Or am I serving it right now?
22:15Am I offering value here? Am I just taking up space? Mhmm.
22:20One of the things that came to my mind earlier when you said you reevaluated now at this age in your life things that are not as important to you as they were in the twenties and the thirties. I was immediately thinking about how when you're 20 and you're 30 and you're maybe starting your forties even, when you're exercising and trying to eat right, it really is about fitting in them jeans.
22:39Like, I'm trying to look a certain way in clothes. When you're 45, 50, and 55, you're still wanting to be active, but my reasoning is different now.
22:47Hey, dear. I I'm I don't wanna jog necessarily all the time because of the impact it's having on my knees. Yep.
22:53I wanna walk when I'm 60. Mhmm. You know what mean?
22:56That's right. I want my my joints to be functional Yeah.
23:00When I'm 65 and when I'm 70. So I'm altering even the way I exercise and eat based off of the reality of where I am today. If I kept doing the same kind of exercises I did when I was 27, it might do more damage now Mhmm.
23:13Than help. What a great metaphor. Pausing to reval reevaluate
23:18is gonna cost us. Yeah. You know the other thing too?
23:21By the way, I'm loving this. I love it too. These are great questions.
23:24They are. Well, they're right on they're right on time for my life too because I do train very differently now. I'm not trying to get to the beach and you go, by the way, I did for a long time.
23:33Wow. Like, I don't that's okay with me now. I'm trying to blow the shoulder out.
23:37I'm trying to be able to throw a baseball to my grandkids someday. Right? That's why I want my shoulders to work.
23:42Yeah. I wanna ride a horse, you know, not fall off. But That's right.
23:46There's this great I I wanna ask you about this. I was thinking about people I was about to interview when I watched this clip, and you came to my mind. And it's not a faith thing.
23:53It's ironic. Although I when I see faith things, I think of you a lot, um, because your speaking is so incredible and has had an impact on me watching it.
24:03Truly. Um, so there's this new show Taylor Sheridan wrote called the Madison.
24:07I think I'm saying it right. Have you heard about this? I have only yes.
24:10I've seen a little clip of it. I haven't watched it yet, but it looks who is who is it? Kurt Russell and Michelle Pfeiffer.
24:15Michelle Pfeiffer. Yeah. That's the It's really well done.
24:17I enjoy great. And at least so far. And, um, but there's this scene, and I'll mess it up, but I wanna mention it to you and get your perspective on it.
24:24There's a scene, and it's I won't say what happens on the show, but it's Kurt Russell, and he's on this, like, porch with his brother. And you could tell they're very close, and they're in a rocking chair.
24:34It's just this beautiful scene. And they're talking about life, and I'm paraphrasing here, but Kurt Russell just he says, we were just on vacation in The Caribbean somewhere. And he goes, you know, I watch these people.
24:45I'm about fifteen years younger than them, and I watch these people. They're on the beach from my balcony, and they work their entire life to get to one moment, which was this moment.
24:57And they can't do anything about it because they're they're beat up. They're too old. They sacrificed their entire life for a moment was to get to the metaphorical beach of life.
25:07And by the time they got there, it was too late to enjoy it. And these are the people that got there. Right?
25:13And he said, then I watched him at the restaurant that night, and it was their dream. Someday, I'm gonna and I feel like it really made me step back and think at my age too, but I think at any age, this serves somebody.
25:25Delaying your peace or delaying your happiness for a moment of achievement. And this is you know, we're talking to a woman here who said just such success and so many achievements.
25:36But what would you speak into somebody's life about that? Because I feel like most people are like, I'm gonna be happy when I get to that beach, when I get that house paid off or get out of that car or that relationship or that.
25:47And a lot of times by the time you get there, it's no longer the time. Right?
25:55Man, about a a trillion thoughts just went through my head. I think I would tell my younger self Yeah. This is it.
26:04You're in it. If you will milk and enjoy and treasure and take the opportunity to really engage with the people that are in this season, build the relationships, build the bridges, learn the skill, watch, absorb.
26:20You don't even know that the key for what you need in the next season is in your current season. I would tell my young 20 year old self, girl, this is it.
26:28Enjoy this part of the journey. Single. Enjoy being single.
26:32Because when you're married, then you're gonna think, I want I want the kids. Then you're gonna have the kids, and you're gonna think when they go to college, there's always this next piece. But what you need for the next piece is in the piece you're in.
26:44And and if you miss it, you'll look back on the season. There were a couple times in my life where I looked back on a season, you know, the winds of change blew and blew me out of a season just like that.
26:56Mhmm. And then I looked back and went, oh my goodness. There were treasures I missed.
27:01There were lessons I didn't gain. There was character I didn't build. There were relationships within which there was opportunity because your resources are in your relationships.
27:11If you don't garner and foster and cultivate those relationships while you're there, you don't even know you have just demolished a bridge that was a part of what would take you to the next level of opportunity or, um, invitation that you had for the next elevation point in your life.
27:28So I would tell myself, you're in it. Milk it.
27:33Enjoy it and get everything out of it and give everything to it that God has put you here for.
27:39I feel like there's a little bit of, like, a like, a blessing over our conversation right now. So I don't usually do this on the podcast.
27:47Go back. Usually, I'm just asking questions. But I wanna share something with you about what you just said.
27:51A few weeks ago, I spoke at an event. And, uh, like you, I speak, you know, quite a bit. And there was a q and a in this little boardroom with, like, their VIPs, and the founder of the event was there.
28:03I won't say his name, but I was really impressed with this man at the event. I actually when I got back, I said to my wife, I said, this guy's got his act together. He just liked him.
28:11He loved the lord, seemed to have a good family life. In fact, after the event, he was supposed to go fly fishing with his son. Anyway, there was a young man in the room, and he asked a question, what advice would you give your younger self?
28:25And my advice was very similar to what you just said. I said you're as young and as focused as you'll ever be in your life. This is the time.
28:32This is it. This is the time. And I said, I promise you ten years from now, you're gonna realize that was the time even though then that will be the time.
29:05And a nephew. Oh, man. And but I say that to just a second what you said.
29:11Like, I had no idea how sort of prophetic that message was to that young man. It truly was the moment. And I'm not suggesting that that's because we're all gonna die prematurely.
29:20But like We will someday. Imagine if right. And imagine if we all kick our bliss down the road until some future date.
29:27Because at some point, you are going to not be here anymore. And so waiting around for the perfect conditions or the moment to give yourself the gift god would love you to have right now, which is just some peace in your life Yeah. Some bliss is not worth waiting for.
29:40So when you were talking, I was getting a little emotional there because I was thinking of that young man and his dad Yeah. At the event. Isn't that remarkable?
29:47Mhmm. And, you know, my mom is in heaven now.
29:52She graduated to heaven when she turned 70. It was twenty days after she turned 70.
29:57Pretty young. Healthy her whole life. And then all of a sudden, just a cancer diagnosis that we had nine months with her, she was gone.
30:04She wanted to go to Australia her whole life. Mhmm. My dad and and and mom had it planned for two months after she was gone.
30:14I think that's a tender spot for my dad to this day. Mhmm. Because they planned to do it, but they were waiting till they were 70.
30:21Oh my goodness. So to your point, there are some things you don't need to be doing when you're younger because you don't need to be spending the money on it, the time on it.
30:29You gotta be wise. Yep. But there are some things we're waiting on this romanticized, idealized version of what life will be when.
30:38And the reality is you don't know what life will be then. You think you know, and you can plan accordingly.
30:45However, there are some things you need to fully engage and invest in right now Yeah. In the season of life god has given you because
30:56Bless your dad. I I I imagine he has very few regrets, by the way.
31:01So He's a he was a good dad, Is a good dad. Grandfather and now great grandfather. So we're blessed.
31:06So many of you have asked how to see me speak live. And for the first time ever, you can come see me speak live in person. All of my speeches have been private events, but now I'm teaming up with LifeSearch speaking all over the country.
31:15LifeSearch is a one day faith based event where you'll walk in hungry for success, and you'll leave ready to build your resources to leave an impact on others. We're talking faith fueled finance, growing your resources, crushing obstacles, and then, yeah, using it all for something way bigger than yourself.
31:31I'm joining LifeSurge in a few cities this year, and I'd love to see you there. I'll be sharing the stage with legends such as two time football champion Tim Tebow, star of Duck Dynasty, Willie Robertson, and leadership hero of mine, John Maxwell, pastor and author Craig Groeschel, and worship with artists like Natalie Grant.
31:47Tickets are on sale at lifesurge.com. And just for my listeners, you can use the code e d 30 for 30% off a ticket. There will be a link in the show notes.
31:57So click through and take some time to join us. Cities are being added all the time. So if you don't see one near you now, check back.
32:04I hope to see you there. Well, you're leading me to my next point. We don't have that much time, but I've met one of your sons, JC.
32:20But even in the couple times that he's messaged me, there's a He's out here messaging you? Oh, no. My son is messaging at my I've asked him to Oh, we met.
32:28No. And and and he Checked on these kids. No.
32:34There's a rhythm there. You said something with your dad earlier that it was really caught, not taught. Right?
32:39Yeah. I'm just wondering as someone who is busy, you know, I can I can attest to at least one of your children?
32:45There's some good fruit there. Thank you. What would you say to somebody who's you know, they're raising a family and pursuing a dream right now and maybe feeling guilt.
32:55You know? I'm I'm at work too much or I'm here. Or when I'm at home, I feel like I should be at work.
32:59Just that whole conversation. What would you say to them?
33:03To be as intentional as you can. You you are going to feel that. I mean, you know, anybody who's doing anything, splitting their time in any two important ways or three important ways, you are gonna feel a measure of that Mhmm.
33:15Because we're human. Be as intentionally as you can about mapping out. But what is the priority here?
33:20And let me make sure that I'm giving it as much as I possibly can, in this case, our family. JC called me recently. He was engaged in a friendship with a young woman that he was considering.
33:32Maybe this could be a little bit something more he wasn't sure, but he was having conversations with her. She's very ambitious, very driven by career the possibility of her career moving forward.
33:43And it occurred to him in conversation that there was a little bit of difference in the way he saw family than she might.
33:50So he called me, and he said, mom, we were with y'all all the time. We traveled with y'all.
33:55We homeschooled our boys for a long time so they could travel with us. Mhmm. We were with y'all all the time.
34:00We were in the green rooms with you. We were you know, you were at home when we were at home. You know?
34:04You were gone some, but it it just felt like y'all were we were with you. Yeah. Was that just because life worked out that way, or did you guys intentionally make that Great question.
34:14How our family yeah. I said, JC, that's a great question. That was a decision your dad and I made.
34:20Mhmm. We could have been gone all the time. We decided that if you couldn't be with us, we weren't going.
34:32But we just decided. We didn't do it perfectly. Man, there are some things I'd go back and do a little bit differently still to this day, so it's not gonna be right.
34:40But know it wasn't by mistake. Mhmm. Even your dad being as present in your life as he has been.
34:46A lot of young men and young women can't say their dad was around, maybe mom. But dad was busy. Dad was at work.
34:51Mhmm. Dad was dad was building a career. But the fact that your dad was at all your games and took y'all to practices and was at the dinner table and was a part of y'all's life in that sort of intentional way, you better believe your dad made that decision, and it cost him.
35:08That JC, it was occurring to him that unless you choose priorities and then mold your life around those priorities, those priorities will be watered down.
35:19Life will take you in different directions just like we have to be intentional about our health. We have to be intentional about making time to read a book for our mental health if we wanna continue to buoy up our education, our inspiration, just like you have to be intentional with all those other areas of your life.
35:34The reality is when you're raising a family, if you are not sort of molding and sacrificing to make sure this is the priority, it won't magically be.
35:44Yeah. You're gonna have to be intentional about it just like all the areas of of life. But you know what?
35:50And I'm getting a little long winded. No. You're not.
35:52I saw that. My dad and mom did that. And now in hindsight, see, when you're grown and you have your own kids, that's when you realize, oh, they didn't really enjoy this all the time.
36:05So us sitting around the table for dinner, four kids, attitude problems, don't wanna be here, would rather be watching TV, mad because the chicken's not cooked right. Right.
36:14Mom wasn't, like, just thrilled about that. Sure. Right.
36:18She just kept doing it anyway Yeah. Because it was her priority that we sit around that table.
36:23It was the standard. Yeah. She just decided this is what we're gonna do for the culture of our home.
36:31Gotta be intentional. That's the bottom line. You one thing about him and you, my favorite people have a a unique quality that I just enjoy their company,
36:40and that is that they're confident, yet they toe this line of they also have humility.
36:46It's a unique nuance in people. I I I don't know if you agree, but Yeah. We've both known people that have a ton of confidence and lack humility, and they can become pretty difficult to be around.
36:57The depth of the relationship doesn't go very deep. And typically, I think without that humility, they think it's them. They don't know where the blessings come from sometimes.
37:06They end up sort of flaming out or making a mistake or you know? And then we also have friends who have tons of humility and no confidence, and you're kinda carrying them through life.
37:16They end up being oh, boy. I just got a text from so and so.
37:19Here we go. You know? And so I'm wondering if you do you do something to cultivate that?
37:26Is that your faith life? Like, you do have that, Priscilla. You're confident, but there's a ton of humility there.
37:31Is that is that a conscious thing? Is that something from your faith? Is that something you intentionally instilled in your children?
37:38Gosh. I would say it's a combination of all those things, to be honest, definitely the faith because, you know, I I'm just so aware that except for the grace of god.
37:48I mean, where would we be if he weren't so kind and gracious and merciful to bestow upon us another breath for the next day? You know?
37:56I'm aware of the fact that he has been gracious. So I'm constantly aware of that. But then I think family humbles you.
38:04Yeah. Your your kids are gonna look at you and go, you're not that great. Right.
38:08Know I mean? Right. They're gonna, you know, look at the movie and go, that was terrible.
38:14Or not terrible, but they'll be like, that's alright. I'm fine. You know?
38:16Right. Right. So you have people around you that have been in your life Mhmm.
38:20Whether it's your family or friends you've had since you're nine. And and that kinda just reminds you we're all we're all out here doing important things. Mine is not more important than their thing even if it's less broad or they have a smaller platform.
38:33Their thing is just as important as my thing. So we're all doing something that matters Mhmm.
38:38For the kingdom of God, but also just on earth. Mhmm. We're all impacting people.
38:42Mhmm. So I think I'm just around people who their presence helps to sober us all up, that we all matter.
38:50Also, I've been in settings I've been in settings, um, where I realize how small I am in the bucket in that setting.
38:59Because you're you're in this atmosphere where, oh my gosh, that person has 20,000,000 followers Mhmm. On Instagram, or this person over here is speaking every weekend to 10,000 peep you know, you're around people who it makes it it gives you some frame of reference.
39:15Some perspective. So Mhmm. I'm also grateful for that, that I'm just a small part of a big puzzle.
39:20And I think because I happen to be around a bunch of people who are doing great things on whatever level, it's just a reminder that I'm just another person doing hopefully helpful things for other people. The other thing you do really well I got one more question for everybody. I just wanna acknowledge something in you that I've noticed.
39:33I just think behind the scenes, people may not know about you.
39:36You're incredible at making other people feel seen Oh. And good about themselves.
39:41You're you're intentional about it. That's not just something you do. You you do it very well.
39:46You did it the first time you met me. I I remember you being so complimentary of me, and you'd saw seen me speak or something. And and that but you do that with everybody.
39:54And you by the way, that's one hack to being a happier person and more confidence is just believe in other people and love them and express it. Yeah. It's a shortcut.
40:02Cool. But it's really it's it's one of your superpowers. And I I have to imagine that that's also true in parenting.
40:09I do. I just wanna acknowledge that piece of you. Thank you.
40:12That's awesome. Thank you very much. I feel encouraged with this podcast.
40:16Well, I'm I'm setting you up for a hard question at the end. Okay. Here we go.
40:19So here it is. This is an important one, and I wanted to ask you this. I should have asked more people of faith that I admire this question.
40:25You're gonna be the first. K. Most people watching this, because you're on it, will be believers.
40:32Mhmm. They're they're Christians. They're in the church, but some aren't.
40:37Yeah. And there's a lot of people, you and I both know this, that some I think my friend, Era McManus, says it sometimes with it.
40:46Sometimes Christians are the biggest obstacle to Jesus, meaning this Yeah. That there are people that, you know, they look at church or people in church or they were wronged by someone who's a believer or whatever.
40:57They have this thing like, you know, some of it looks really good, but some of it doesn't look so good to me. And but I want peace in my life.
41:05I want the love of god in my life. I think I hear this whisper where I wanna come home.
41:11Yeah. You know? They've heard it all their life, yet people people oftentimes can kinda get in the way.
41:19And so there may be somebody today that's come to the show that's in my audience or your audience that's watching this, and they have that feeling right now. What would you say to them?
41:30That people and just the things of earth will constantly disappoint. And instead of them turning us off to a relationship with god, they're supposed to be a reminder and an agitator in knowing that we were made for something different.
41:46That's why it bothers us. That's why the hurt we faced by that person, the Christian who was a hypocrite, who didn't have integrity, who said one thing and did another thing, the reason why you have the distaste is because there's something in all of us that knows this is not the way it's supposed to be. So instead of it turning us off to a relationship with God, really let it press you into him.
42:07It's it's his invitation. It's an opportunity for you to see that he is not them. Heaven is not Earth.
42:15And you're dissatisfied with it because you were made for something more. Wow.
42:20And he's offering you an opportunity to take that invitation.
42:26We're made for something different. That's why death stings the way it does. That's why sickness makes us go, man, this is not this is not something a baby passes away.
42:36Something about that doesn't work. Divorce, betrayal, it breaks our heart. It devastates us.
42:41That's why. Because we weren't made for this. So let that be the invitation to you, god reaching out his hand saying, come.
42:49Come walk with me. There's only one perfect one who ever existed. It's not me, not you, not anybody around you.
42:57We've put that expectation on them. Mhmm. And that's why it continues to devastate us, but there's only one perfect one.
43:03His name is Jesus, and he'll give you the peace you've been looking for. Amen.
43:08Okay. You slayed that answer, just FYI, and you know you did. This was such a good conversation.
43:13It was a great conversation. Can can we do this, like, at least every couple years? Man, that would be awesome.
43:18This was the best conversation I've had in a while. Same here. Same here.
43:21No offense to anybody else. Yeah. I loved this.
43:24Okay. You're invited back officially. Thank you.
43:27You guys, sometimes they say, please share the show, but I'm pretty sure today I don't need to even ask you to do it. So thank you so much for joining us. This was Priscilla Shire, you guys.
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