20:40The Mindset Mentor Podcast · Talking Head
How to Stop Feeling Anxious about Anxiety
A 20-minute solo breakdown of why anxiety misfires in modern life and the body-first, thought-second protocol to interrupt it.
January 27th 2025The argument in one line.
Goals give you direction, but systems determine whether you ever get there, because consistent daily actions are the only thing you can actually control.
Read if. Skip if.
READ IF YOU ARE…
- You have set the same goal multiple times and keep falling back to old habits after a short burst of effort.
- You hit your target and watched yourself drift back to where you started once the goal was achieved.
- You want a framework for changing behavior that does not require constant willpower or rigid discipline.
- You know what you want but struggle with the gap between ambition and daily follow-through.
SKIP IF…
- You already practice identity-based habit design and want a more advanced behavioral model.
- You want original research. The ideas here are well-trodden Atomic Habits territory presented conversationally.
The full version, fast.
Goals are binary and outcome-obsessed: you either cross the finish line or you failed, which destroys motivation and produces no lasting identity change. Systems flip the frame. Instead of fixing your eyes on the result, you build small repeatable daily actions that become who you are. The video makes five distinct arguments for why systems outperform goals and closes with a five-step framework that starts, counterintuitively, by still setting a goal for direction, then immediately shifting attention to the daily process.
Free for members
Chat with this breakdown — free.
Sign in and you get 23 free chat messages on us — ask for the hook, quote a framework, find the exact transcript moment, generate a markdown action plan. Bring your own key when you want unlimited.
Create a free account →Where the time goes.
00:00 – 00:33
01 · Why goal setting changed my life
Personal origin story (age 19, 2006) plus problem statement: people struggle to achieve, not just set, goals.
00:33 – 00:54
02 · James Clear systems vs goals
Core quote: you do not rise to the level of your goals, you fall to the level of your systems.
00:54 – 01:34
03 · The hidden problems with goal setting
Goals are outcome-oriented and binary. Two big problems: they focus only on the end result, and they do not address long-term behavior change.
01:34 – 02:53
04 · Why goals can destroy your confidence
Not hitting a goal breaks trust with yourself. Marathon example: you only succeed when you cross the finish line.
02:53 – 03:44
05 · Why most people gain the weight back
80% who lose 20+ pounds regain it within two years. Hitting the goal triggers a reversion to old habits.
04:07 – 06:56
06 · Reason 1 -- Focus on what you control
You cannot control outcomes. You can control daily actions. 500 words every morning is controllable; finishing a book is not.
06:56 – 07:37
07 · Reason 2 -- Sustainable actions
Small consistent daily actions become second nature and part of identity. Meal prep and carrying a water bottle as habit infrastructure.
07:37 – 10:01
08 · Reason 3 -- Reduce decision fatigue
Every decision costs mental energy. Systems automate recurring choices. Jeff Bezos three-decisions-per-day example.
09:29 – 10:38
09 · Reason 4 -- Celebrate progress
Systems create continuous small wins. Each win releases dopamine which motivates the next rep.
10:38 – 15:32
10 · Real-life examples
Seven practical systems vs goals contrasts: mindfulness, fitness, writing, language, diet, relationships.
15:32 – 17:43
11 · How to build your systems -- 5 steps
Identify outcome. Break into daily habits. Make specific and realistic. Track. Refine without shame.
17:43 – 18:43
12 · Success as a byproduct
When you focus on the process, results take care of themselves. Just show up today.
Lines worth screenshotting.
- You do not rise to the level of your goals; you fall to the level of your systems, and most people never design the systems.
- Goals are binary: you either cross the finish line or you failed. Systems give you hundreds of small wins on the way there.
- 80% of people who lose 20 pounds gain it back within two years, not from weakness, but because they had no system to maintain the change.
- The man who loves walking will go further over a lifetime than the man who is running to hit a goal.
- Jeff Bezos limits himself to three decisions per day because protecting decision-making energy is itself a system.
- Dopamine releases when you celebrate a win, and dopamine is a motivation chemical, meaning small celebrations compound into more showing up.
- When a system feels too rigid, you do not quit the system, you refine it. The adjustment is part of the design.
- Paralysis by analysis is a systems problem: too many options, no default action. A system removes the choice.
- Writing 200 words every morning after coffee is a system. Writing a 300-page novel this year is a goal. Only one tells you what to do today.
- Shaming yourself when you miss a target makes you less likely to show up next time. The feeling itself becomes the deterrent.
- The goal is the compass. The system is the vehicle. You need both, but only one of them moves you.
- Adding one serving of vegetables to every lunch and dinner is a system. Stopping junk food completely is a goal. The system survives a bad day; the goal does not.
Your system is the habit. The goal is just the address.
WHAT TO LEARN
Outcome-focused goals fail not because you lack discipline, but because binary pass/fail structures kill motivation before change can compound -- systems fix this by turning daily actions into the win.
- Goals tell you where to go; systems determine whether you ever move. Direction and motion are separate problems that need separate designs.
- Every time you frame success as crossing a single finish line, you rob yourself of the hundreds of wins that happen on the way there.
- 80% of people who hit a weight loss goal regain it within two years -- not from weakness, but from having no system in place once the goal was achieved.
- Reducing the number of daily decisions you have to make is itself a performance strategy. A system automates the trivial so you can spend real energy on what matters.
- Shame and guilt after missing a target make the next rep less likely, not more likely. Negative self-talk after failure degrades future performance.
- Starting smaller than feels right is not laziness, it is calibration. Two minutes of meditation after brushing your teeth will outlast a rigid 30-minute daily requirement in almost every case.
- Dopamine releases on wins, not on effort. Designing your system so every completed rep feels like a win is working with the brain's actual motivation architecture, not around it.
- Refining a system when it stops working is part of the system. The first version is never the final version -- building in adjustment is what separates durable habits from January resolutions.
Terms worth knowing.
- Systems vs Goals
- A distinction from James Clear: goals are outcome targets you aim at, while systems are the daily processes that produce results. The argument is that systems, not goals, drive lasting change.
- Decision fatigue
- The degradation in decision quality that occurs after making many choices. Systems reduce it by automating recurring decisions so mental energy is preserved for higher-stakes choices.
- Progressive overload
- A training principle where you incrementally increase difficulty over time to produce adaptation. Used here in a non-gym context: run 20 minutes this week, 25 next week.
- Identity-based habits
- The idea that consistent small actions eventually stop feeling like effort and start feeling like who you are. The behavior becomes self-reinforcing because it is tied to self-concept.
Things they pointed at.
00:33bookAtomic Habits (James Clear)
08:44conceptJeff Bezos three-decisions-per-day concept
Lines you could clip.
00:33
“You do not rise to the level of your goals. You fall to the level of your systems.”
06:23
“The man who loves walking will go further than the man who is running to hit a goal.”
17:18
“When it does not work, do not be an asshole to yourself. Just say I learned something that does not work for me.”
17:35
“Success becomes a byproduct of your actions. When you focus on the process, the results tend to take care of themselves.”
Word for word.
metaphorstory
00:00As far as goal setting goes, I have loved goal setting since I was 19 years old. When I first found goal setting in 2006 and my first mentor started teaching me how to set goals and how to be striving for a goal, it made me feel like life was a little bit more exciting, like I could become more than I currently am.
00:18But I find a lot of people struggle with goal setting, and then they especially struggle with goal achieving. And so today, I'm gonna talk about how to set up your life in general so that you actually achieve your goals that you do set for yourself.
00:33And this comes from a quote that that James Clear says, and I love it because he didn't come up with this concept, but, you know, he really does talk about it in his book. And the quote says, you don't rise to the level of your goals, you fall to the level of your systems.
00:47And so today we're gonna be talking about the systems that you have in your life to help you get to where you wanna go. Now when we look at goals, goals are really good, and I do think that everybody needs to set goals so you know what direction that you're heading in, but there are two really big problems with goals.
01:05And and goals are not inherently bad, just so you know. They give us something to strive for, they give us something to aim at, but goals can also come with limitations that really what I have found over years of coaching people hold people back in subtle ways.
01:18And so the first one is that goals are specifically outcome orientated, And so, like, just focus on just getting to this one outcome, they can really hold you back.
01:30And so goals focus on a specific result, which is good, but it can also be limiting.
01:35Like, lose 20 pounds is that specific result. Finish my novel is that specific result. Get a promotion is that specific result.
01:44And while there's nothing wrong with wanting these, goals place all of the emphasis on just the end result and nothing else. And if you don't hit your goal, it can make you feel like you're a failure, and then make you less likely to wanna set goals again and wanna go for goals again.
02:02And it also when you don't hit a goal, it kind of lowers your confidence. It breaks trust within yourself when you don't reach that goal.
02:10And so if your goal, for instance, is, like, to run a marathon, every day you train, you try to get better, you might feel like you're not quite there, but you're getting a little bit better and a little bit better, but you only actually succeed, quote unquote, succeed when you cross the finish line, and that's the limit with goals is you only succeed when you cross the marathon finish line or whatever finish line that that goal is going for.
02:35And so the only time you succeed is when you accomplish that goal, which can really rob you of satisfaction from the entire process of of becoming better and being proud of yourself. And so that's the first thing that that goals can really hold you back with.
02:48And the second thing is that goals don't address long term change in your life. And so when you achieve a goal, you might actually just revert back to your old habits. For example, like, if your goal was to lose those 20 pounds that we were just talking about, what happens once you reach it?
03:03Without some sort of system in place to maintain your progress, you're likely to fall back into the old habits that caused you to gain weight in the first place.
03:13It's not like you lose 20 pounds and they stay off forever. It's just you have to have a system in place to keep it off. And so that's why approximately eighty percent of people who lose 20 pounds or more gain it back within two years.
03:25It's because they're like, oh, I hit my goal. Now I get to celebrate. Now I I get a case of the I deserve it.
03:32You know, I get to have an extra piece of pizza. I get to have an extra slice of pie, and then over and over and over again, your habits go back to your old habits, and now you're back to the same weight that you were.
03:42And we will be right back. Hey. Let me interrupt this video real quick.
03:46If you are somebody who wants to create the perfect morning routine, go ahead and scan this QR code right here. I have a video and a workbook teaching you step by step how to create the perfect morning routine based off science. So you can scan that code right there, or you can click the link that's down in description for theperfectmorningroutine.com.
04:05And now back to the show. And so systems work better with achieving goals, and they work better to focus on your systems, and you're more likely to achieve your goals if you focus on the systems.
04:19And so instead of putting all of the emphasis on this specific outcome like finishing the marathon, crossing the finish line, a system emphasizes the process that you have to take like, go through to actually get there.
04:33So it's about building a routine or a framework that leads to consistent improvement. And if you do this, what's crazy about it, you're more likely to actually hit your goals eventually.
04:44And so here's the reason why systems are so powerful. Number one, systems focus on what you can control. So while you can't always control the outcome of the goal that you're going for, you can control the actions that you take every single day.
04:57So for instance, instead of saying something like, I wanna write a book, you can create a system where you write 500 words every single morning. That's something that you can control.
05:08And if you can't get it in the morning, well, then you can move your schedule around to make sure you get it done before you go to bed. But then you're not focusing on just finishing the the book, which seems like this big daunting task. You're just focusing on, hey, 500 words every single morning.
05:20And so this approach really puts the power back in your hands because it's about showing up consistently, and that's how you succeed is being consistent.
05:29The most successful people in the world are not the ones that just show up once or twice, or a couple times a week. They're the most consistent people in the world. So if your goal is to run a marathon, and you roll your ankle the week before, and because of it you can't run, well, you just failed.
05:45And that usually makes people feel like shit. And when people don't feel good, they're less likely to go for goals again, and then they feel bad about themselves, and they lose confidence in themselves, all of that.
05:54And so a system would be better in this situation. A system would be something like, I'm going to run for twenty minutes every single day for a week, And then at the end of that week, I'm gonna every single week, I'm gonna extend it by five minutes. And so week one would be twenty minutes.
06:12Week two would be twenty five minutes. Week three would be thirty minutes. Week four would be thirty five minutes, and so on and so forth.
06:19And eventually, you'll be running and finding yourself cranking out 15 miles because it was just normal for you, because it's just part of the system, the routine of your life.
06:30And it's like, it goes back to that quote which is, than the man who's running to hit a goal. Over the course of the lifetime, the man who loves walking will go further than the person who's just like, I'm trying to run a marathon. And so that's the first thing that makes systems so powerful is that you can it it focuses really on what you can control.
06:52If you roll your ankle, you can't really control that. It might have been a rock that was in the road.
06:56You didn't see it. Something happened, now and you feel like a failure because you weren't able to cross the finish line versus like, hey.
07:02I'm doing this system every single day. The second reason why systems are so important is because it builds sustainable actions for your life.
07:10And so by focusing on daily or weekly actions, you naturally start to build actions and habits in your life that stick. So if your goal, for instance, is to eat healthier, a system that would go along with that might involve meal prepping every single Sunday, and then carrying a water bottle with you everywhere you go throughout the day.
07:28This is the biggest key to systems is that over time these small consistent daily actions start to become second nature.
07:37They start to become who you are, and then the results will naturally start to flow from there. The third reason why systems are so important is because they reduce your decision fatigue.
07:49Like, you don't realize how many decisions you have to make every single day, and now every single decision takes a little bit of energy from you. And so when you rely on a system, you don't have to consistently wake up and make decisions and figure out what you need to do and do something different.
08:04It's just like, no. You just follow it. The system tells you what to do.
08:08And so if you have a fitness system, like I'm gonna work out at every weekday at 7AM, you don't have to spend energy on when you're gonna do it. You've already got it done.
08:17It's part of the system. And just by doing that, you free up mental energy in other areas of your life. And so you can use that mental energy, the decision making for something in business later on today.
08:28I read an article a couple years ago that said that Jeff Bezos only makes three decisions a day. That's what he focuses on, but they're the three most important decisions every single day to scale his life and his business. So if you're wanting to run more, you might just set up a system where you run every day like we were talking about.
08:44And so you add a few more minutes or you add a few more miles every single week so that you're getting progressive overload, and from that you can actually start to grow. And so it might seem really small, but one thing that I've really learned by reading about neurology and about psychology is that the less that you have to make decisions, the more likely you are to take action.
09:03It makes it easier to take action. The more decisions that you need to make or the more opportunities or options that you have in front of you, for many people, turns into paralysis by analysis.
09:15They do nothing because there's too many things that they could do. So what I like to think of is less thinking, more doing. And then the fourth reasons why systems tend to be so incredible for people over goal setting is because they allow you to celebrate your progress.
09:30In the marathon example that I gave you, a lot of people would think that they are a failure if they don't cross the finish line. So the only thing that would make you succeed is crossing that finish line.
09:41So instead of waiting for the finish line to feel good, systems allow you to celebrate every single step along the way. And so run another five minutes this week, that's a win. Run another five minutes next week, that's a win.
09:54So you're always getting a lot more wins in the process, and when you get these wins and you get excited about it and you celebrate yourself and you get proud of yourself, your brain releases dopamine when you're celebrating your wins, And dopamine is a chemical of motivation, which makes you wanna do more. And when you get dopamine, you want more dopamine, which means you're more likely to show up the next day.
10:13So each time you complete a part of your system, whether it's writing for thirty minutes or practicing a skill or learning a language or completing a task, you get a sense of accomplishment. In running a marathon, you kind of only really get the full sense of accomplishment when you've crossed the finish line. And so you're getting all of these little wins across the way, which makes you more motivated to show up the next day.
10:34And so let me give you a few like real life examples of what this could look like in your life. And let's say that you want to be more mindful. Right?
10:42A goal approach would be I wanna meditate for thirty minutes every single day. And then if you miss a session, you've done this before, we've all done this before, You miss a session or you don't go for thirty minutes or, you know, you struggle to sit for thirty minutes, you might feel discouraged.
10:58You might feel like you lost, and you might wanna just quit altogether. So that's when you're focused on your goals. But when you're focused on your systems, it might just be like, I'll meditate for however long I can every morning after brushing my teeth.
11:11Even if it's two minutes, that's a win. With the system, you're not tied to this like rigid outcome or thing that you have to do. Some days you might meditate for five minutes.
11:20Some days it might be twenty minutes. The key point here is that you show up consistently, and you integrate this routine into your daily routine.
11:28Showing up consistently is how you will eventually win in life. Let's say another one is, like, systems around fitness.
11:37Right? A goal approach would be like, I wanna work out five times a week. That means if you skip a session or two, you might feel like you failed, and you're gonna get discouraged, and you're less likely to show up next week.
11:47How many of you guys have done that before? I'm gonna work out five times this week. And you work out three times, and you feel like a piece of shit.
11:53You get mad at yourself, down to yourself, you shame yourself, you get yourself, and then you don't show up next week and you quit. Yeah. Because you don't make yourself feel good.
12:01Make yourself feel bad about it. Right? So this makes you less likely to show up when you beat yourself up because you didn't hit your, quote, unquote, goal.
12:08A systems approach would be like, I'm gonna move my body every day even if it's just five minutes. The system focuses on creating a consistent habit of movement, whether it's stretching, walking, running, going to the gym, a full workout.
12:24Over time, you'll naturally build the routine of exercising regularly without this pressure of having to hit this fixed target, and you're more likely to, over the long run, get more movement than someone who's like, I have to work out five times a week.
12:39Most likely in most situations. So that's an example. Another example would be like if you wanna learn a new skill.
12:45Let's say that you wanna become fluent in French this year. That's a goal approach.
12:51I wanna become fluent in French this year. That goal can seem very overwhelming for a lot of people, and it makes it really easy to procrastinate.
12:58When it feels overwhelming, you're more likely to procrastinate. And if you procrastinate, you're more likely to quit because the progress feels slow.
13:06A systems approach would be like, I'm gonna spend ten minutes every day practicing French on a language app. That's it. If you're focusing on consistency rather than progress, you're more likely to eventually get fluent.
13:19And so these small efforts compound into big results over time. Another example would be like, let's say you wanna write a book. A goal approach would be like, I wanna write a 300 page novel this year.
13:29That's that's a big deal. And if you fall behind schedule, it's tempting to be like, I'm too far behind.
13:36I'm just gonna I'm just gonna give up on this goal. A systems approach should be like, I'm gonna write 200 words every morning after my coffee. That's it.
13:44All you gotta do is just crank out 200 words. The system prioritizes showing up consistently even if your output's small, even if you end up throwing those 200 words away.
13:53Writing just becomes part of your daily life, and the pages will start to add up over time. Another example would be like, say you wanna eat healthier. A goal approach would be I wanna stop eating junk food completely.
14:06And then you have one night where you slip up and you feel like you failed, and you lead it leads to guilt and shame, and you wanna give up on yourself. Right? A systems approach would be like, I'm gonna add one serving of vegetables to every lunch and every dinner that I have.
14:21So that system focuses on these small manageable chunks and these tiny little steps to improve your diet, making you healthier because you're showing up more consistently.
14:33And then the last example will be something like building better relationship with your spouse. I wanna spend more quality time with my partner. Then you get one busy week, and you forget to spend time with her, and it leads to frustration and feelings like a failure, and then you get another busy week, or maybe you're out of town and you feel like a failure, and then you just throw it off to the side because you don't wanna feel the guilt of, oh my gosh, I'm I'm such a bad spouse.
14:56That would be a goal approach. A systems approach would be like every night, I'm gonna make us take ten minutes, and it's right before we get go to bed.
15:04I just wanna check-in with my partner and just ask them about how their day was, and that's how I wanna connect with them. The system creates this simple repeatable habit that strengthens your connection without this pressure of planning activities or going on vacation or having to do a Friday date night every single night.
15:21Then you miss it because you have the kids or whatever it might be. So it's focusing on these systems which are the most important. And so this is how you build your systems.
15:29Okay? It's it's quite simple. The first thing you're gonna do is you're gonna identify the desired outcome, aka the goal.
15:35So you're still gonna want some sort of goal because it gives you some sort of direction that we're trying to go to. And so while the systems don't focus necessarily just on the goal, it gives you direction. So you make sure you're heading in the right direction.
15:49And so the first thing you're gonna do is identify whatever the outcome is that you're working towards. Better relationship, better body, better mindset, better mindfulness, whatever it might be.
15:58The second thing is you're gonna break it down into small daily habits. Ask yourself what small repeatable actions could lead to this outcome.
16:08So what small repeatable actions could lead to where I'm trying to get to? If you wanna improve your fitness, your actions might include, like, daily stretching, going for a walk, uh, doing strength training as often as you possibly can. So what are the small daily actions that you can do?
16:22The third thing is to make it specific and realistic. Get really clear guidelines on your system, but also make sure you keep it flexible.
16:30So instead of saying like, I have to do this, it's like, hey. Here's what I wanna do.
16:34So instead of saying like, hey. I have to meditate for thirty minutes every single day like we said, it's like, I'm gonna meditate for as long as I can after brushing my teeth. And as you start to do that, you become better and better at meditating and mindfulness, and you'll go a little bit further.
16:46And so you've gotta be specific with what you want, but you gotta be realistic. Uh, it's not like I'm gonna brush my teeth and meditate for two hours after.
16:54That's probably not gonna happen. So make it specific, but realistic.
16:57Number four is to track your progress. So the system and the reason why you wanna have it is so that you're staying consistent. So track your progress in some sort of way.
17:06Put it down in your calendar. Have a notes tab in your phone where you can track and make sure that you're doing it every single day. And number five is try to refine it whenever you feel like you need to.
17:16Like, your system is not gonna be perfect the first time that you set it. You'll learn what works, you'll learn what doesn't work. When it doesn't work, don't be an asshole to yourself.
17:25Don't guilt yourself, and shame yourself, and make yourself feel bad, and be like, oh, I just learned something that doesn't work for me. Let me make adjustments around this. So adjust it so that your your system will eventually be as effective as possible, but also enjoyable in some sort of way.
17:41And so really what it comes down to is the beauty of these systems is that success becomes a byproduct of your actions. And when you focus on the process of what you're trying to do, the results tend to take care of themselves.
17:55And the best part about this is that you don't have to focus on success. You don't have to focus on the end result. You just focus on what you need to do today.
18:02You don't have to worry about tomorrow. You don't have to worry about yesterday. And eventually, success will be a byproduct of the actions that you take, which is essentially what's important.
18:11And it just makes it, if I'm being honest, it just makes it easier to continue to keep doing these things long term. And anytime you could do something long term, you're eventually going to get to the success that you want. So that is how you set up systems instead of goals.
18:25Hey. Thanks so much for watching this video. Based off of what you have been watching recently on YouTube, YouTube has searched the algorithm and searched all of my videos and said this is the one that you're going to like the most.
18:35So click that one and watch it. If you wanna make sure to never miss another episode, hit that subscribe button right there and I'll see you on the next video.
The Hook
The bait, then the rug-pull.
The hook is a credibility setup, 17 years of goal obsession, before the rug pull: most people fail not at setting goals but at achieving them. The James Clear quote that follows at 00:43 is the real thesis card.
Named ideas worth stealing.
04:07list
Five Reasons Systems Beat Goals
- Focus on what you can control
- Build sustainable actions
- Reduce decision fatigue
- Celebrate progress
- Enable long-term change
Five reasons why daily systems outperform outcome-focused goals for producing lasting behavioral change.
Steal forPositioning any recurring practice or habit product against one-time goal-setting approaches
15:32list
Five-Step System Builder
- Identify the desired outcome
- Break into small daily habits
- Make it specific and realistic
- Track your progress
- Refine without shame
A practical framework for designing a personal system around any goal.
Steal forWorkshop content, lead magnets, coaching intake frameworks
How they asked for the click.
VERBAL ASK
03:44link
“scan this QR code -- theperfectmorningroutine.com”
Mid-video sponsor break (~3:44-4:05) for his own product. QR code on screen, link in description. Soft integration, returns to content immediately after.
MENTIONED ON CAMERA
FROM THE DESCRIPTION
PRIMARY CTAWhere the creator wants you to go next.
OTHER LINKSAlso linked in the description.
Visual structure at a glance.
