The argument in one line.
Anxiety and excitement are the same physiological signal—the difference is entirely in how you choose to label and interpret the feeling in the moment.
Read if. Skip if.
READ IF YOU ARE…
- A performer or creator who regularly feels anxiety before high-stakes moments and wants a reframe to access that nervous energy as fuel instead of a blocker.
- Someone building a personal brand or IP who's interested in how a creator navigates career pivots, audience loyalty, and reinvention across decades and mediums.
- A person in a creative field who struggles with imposter syndrome or perfectionism and wants to hear how a successful peer processed self-doubt and kept showing up anyway.
SKIP IF…
- You're looking for tactical business advice or a step-by-step framework — this is conversation-based philosophy, not a playbook.
- You have no interest in stand-up comedy or performance as a lens — the entire conversation uses comedy and live performance as the primary vehicle for its ideas.
The full version, fast.
Anxiety and excitement are the same physiological signal � the label you attach decides whether it breaks you or launches you. Through Dane Cook's career arc, the conversation maps a working method for ambitious creators: treat rock bottom as a data source rather than something to flee, put genuine soul into your public surfaces instead of derivative copies, grow up alongside a specific audience, and own your IP so residuals and analytics stay yours. The actionable conclusions follow. Reframe scary as anticipatory, start each day with self-honesty in the mirror, build from your void rather than hiding it, and when you have leverage, bet on yourself by financing and distributing your own work.
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00:00hostEd Mylett
01:30guestDane Cook
Where the time goes.
00:00 – 04:30
01 · Cold open + intro
Ed welcomes Dane, praises Above It All, frames him as the best storyteller he has seen. Cook responds with genuine warmth.
04:30 – 10:00
02 · The craft of stand-up
Cook on LPMs (laughs per minute), Johnny Carson's off-kilter moments, the cul-de-sac structure risk, and why imperfection is the whole game.
10:00 – 18:00
03 · Origin story
Boston roots, Myspace as TikTok 1.0, college gig circuit, Cook's dad's advice — "nothing attracts a crowd like a crowd" and "grow up with a generation."
18:00 – 26:00
04 · The fraud and the fall
Half-brother as bookkeeper steals everything over 16 years. Prison sentence. Career reset at peak fame. Cook calls it his Empire Strikes Back saga.
26:00 – 34:00
05 · The Rathskeller gig — almost quit
Drove from Boston to Florida for a humiliating gig. Rock bottom. Ed mirrors it with his own "just don't quit today" story from his dad's sobriety.
34:00 – 44:00
06 · Anxiety is excitement
Therapist asks: "Do you think maybe you're actually anticipating?" Cook's eureka moment. The fine line becomes a livable philosophy. Butterfly moments.
44:00 – 52:00
07 · Show the void
Larry Moss acting seminar: stop papering over emptiness. Show it on stage. Cook opens with raw honesty and the whole act shifts. Soul in digital branding follows same logic.
52:00 – 58:00
08 · Criticism and identity
Peers who resented him. Morning mirror. Don't tie identity to notoriety. Serenity Prayer. Be what you get — no facade.
58:00 – 1:00:50
09 · Betting on himself
Self-funded Above It All via Moment.co (Scooter Braun). Keeps IP, data, residuals. Why streamers are bad deals for most artists. CTA.
Lines worth screenshotting.
- Anxiety and excitement are physiologically identical — the only difference is the label your mind puts on the signal your body is sending.
- Dane Cook identified himself as a pressure player in his first ever stand-up set — the stage created clarity that his normal life never provided.
- Performing above it all at his own home gave Cook full ownership over every element of the special — location, audience, format, and distribution.
- The Myspace era taught Cook that direct-to-audience distribution builds a cult before gatekeepers realize the artist exists.
- Peak arena-filling popularity and peak internet resentment coexisted — mass fame at cultural saturation generates disproportionate backlash regardless of quality.
- Fraud and financial betrayal by someone close wiped out a career at its peak — rebuilding required choosing the stage over the narrative.
- The stage is the one place where the introverted, anxious version of a performer disappears and the pressure-ready version takes over.
- A comedy special is storytelling when every story has a laugh-per-minute target — the art is hiding the architecture so it feels like a conversation.
- Self-funding a special means no studio approval, no network notes, and no creative compromise — the tradeoff is absorbing the full financial risk.
- Stand-up comedy at 31 years is not a career decision made at the beginning — it is a compounding habit that becomes the only identity that fits.
- Choosing to frame the ramp back from adversity as a story rather than a wound is what produces art instead of therapy.
- The coin-flip between anxiety and excitement is a real cognitive tool — naming the state differently changes the physiological response in real time.
Steal the one-thesis interview.
Podcast structure playbook
The interview works because Cook lives the thesis in his body — anxiety=excitement isn't a tip he read, it's a discovery he survived to. Build interviews around earned ideas, not resumes.
- Find the one idea your guest has earned through pain — not just studied. That's the spine.
- Let every adversity story be a tributary feeding back to that spine.
- Ask the mirror question: 'Was it what you thought it would be?' It unlocks honesty no PR-briefed guest can dodge.
- Show your own void in the host chair. Mylett drops his butterfly metaphor as a peer contribution, not just a reaction. It doubles the emotional density.
- Self-distribution framing (own your IP, own your data) is a natural closer — turns personal story into a business lesson without a hard pivot.
- Don't cap the story mid-arc. Cook's Rathskeller story runs 10+ minutes. Let it breathe. That's the whole format advantage over short-form.
Terms worth knowing.
- LPMs (Laughs Per Minute)
- A stand-up comedy metric measuring how many laughs a performer gets per minute on stage. Comics use it to gauge whether a story-driven bit is still hitting hard enough to count as comedy rather than a monologue.
- Hell gig
- Comedian slang for a humiliating, poorly-attended, or punishing live performance — usually early in a career — that tests whether the performer will keep going. The story of surviving one often becomes part of the act later.
- Hold/toggle/VAD modes
- Different ways to trigger voice recording: holding a key down, pressing once to start and again to stop, or using Voice Activity Detection to auto-start when speech is detected. Common controls in dictation and streaming tools.
- Myspace era branding
- The mid-2000s practice of artists building direct fan relationships through customizable Myspace profiles, before Facebook and Instagram dominated. It was the first mass-scale playbook for a performer to grow an audience without a label or studio.
- Pressure player
- Sports-borrowed shorthand for someone who performs best when stakes are highest, rather than collapsing under them. Often contrasted with people who excel only in practice or low-stakes settings.
- Pay-per-view model (digital)
- A distribution approach where viewers pay a one-time fee to unlock a specific piece of content, instead of subscribing to a streaming service. It lets creators sell directly to fans and keep more of the revenue and audience data.
- IP (intellectual property)
- The ownership rights to creative work — a special, a song, a character. When a creator signs with a streamer or studio, the contract often turns sole ownership into shared ownership, which limits what the creator can do with the work later.
- Residuals
- Ongoing payments a performer earns each time their work is replayed, streamed, or licensed. Under traditional contracts they can take years to arrive, with the platform holding the money and earning interest in the meantime.
- Moment.co
- A direct-to-fan platform, backed by Scooter Braun, that lets artists sell access to a special or event as a one-time purchase rather than through a subscription streamer. Rights typically revert to the creator after the contract window ends.
- Larry Moss
- A renowned acting teacher known for one-on-one coaching sessions that push performers to confront personal material. Working with him is often described as more like therapy than craft instruction.
- Marty Callner
- A legendary live-event director best known for filming HBO comedy specials and music concerts. His involvement signals a high-production, cinematic approach to a stand-up taping rather than a static club shoot.
- Serenity Prayer
- The recovery-community prayer asking for serenity to accept what can't be changed, courage to change what can, and wisdom to know the difference. Widely used as a daily centering practice well beyond Alcoholics Anonymous.
- Nosey
- A free, ad-supported streaming service that hosts reality and talk programming. Used here as the home of an interview show outside the major streamer ecosystem.
Things they pointed at.
43:00bookLarry Moss (acting instructor)
Lines you could clip.
33:00
“When you're at your rock bottom, don't be so fast to come up for air. There's so much data in failure. There's so much wealth of information in hitting that lowest moment.”
37:00
“There's a fine line between my anxiety and excitement. And when I said it, it was like meeting myself.”
54:00
“Nothing's ever falling apart. It's only falling together.”
01:00
“I'm a pressure player. The one place, even from the very beginning, something when I got on stage was like — I'm in real time.”
33:30
“My dad goes, I can't tell you I'll never drink again. I'm not gonna drink for one more day. Just don't quit for one more day.”
Where the conversation goes.
00:00 – 04:30steadyIntro / storytelling as craft
04:30 – 10:00denseStand-up philosophy and LPMs
10:00 – 18:00denseOrigin story — Boston, Myspace, college gig circuit
18:00 – 26:00denseHalf-brother fraud and near-ruin
26:00 – 34:00denseHell gig / Rathskeller / almost quit
34:00 – 44:00denseAnxiety = Excitement reframe
44:00 – 52:00denseThe void, Larry Moss, soul in digital branding
52:00 – 58:00steadyCriticism, identity, morning mirror practice
58:00 – 1:00:50denseBetting on himself — Moment.co, owning IP and data
Word for word.
metaphoranalogy
00:00I'm a pressure player. What does that mean? That means that the one place, even from the very beginning as a kid who felt so very insignificant and empty and was real hard on myself, Something when I got on stage was like, it just it felt like I'm in real time when everywhere else I feel like very out of sorts and very kind of lonely or a wallflower or no timing.
00:24And I think I got that from my dad. Athleticism, ready for the ball.
00:30Give me the ball, and in that moment, and it was the one place that I I didn't it didn't break my confidence. But in my personal life, I went through a real, like, a real topsy-turvy time not feeling like, oh, man, I I thought by breaking through, it would bring all the kids in the schoolyard to love me.
00:55Alright. Welcome back, everybody. I'm fired up.
00:57I'm trying to get this guy on for a couple years, and we kinda went back and forth on some DMs over some time. I've been a fan of his for a long time, all the way back to the Myspace days.
01:07And he is he's just let's just be real. He's one of the most prolific stand ups of all time, which ended up becoming acting and all kinds of other stuff that he's been successful at. And then he's just got this special out right now called Above It All that you can get at danecook.com.
01:21And I watched the other night, and I'm like, hey. He's even more brilliant than he was before. It's hilarious, but it's really inspiring and motivating at the same time.
01:29To me, that's good art. It gave me more than one emotion at one time. It wasn't just giggling and laughing.
01:35It moved me, and it made me think. And so I got a legend sitting across from me. Dane Cook, welcome to the show.
01:41Wow, man. That was like the wind up, and I was holding my breath. I was like, wow.
01:44This is thanks for having me on, and thanks for the flowers, man. I'm deeply proud of this moment. Yeah.
01:51You should be. You what made you I know you're getting asked this a lot, like, Keith, just so you guys know, you're gonna go watch this. It's you're the best storyteller I've ever seen.
01:59Oh, thank you. No. You are the best storyteller, and I've never watched, like, an hour go by with sort of just a few stories.
02:07It feels sort of like one long bit. -That's exactly what it feels like. -Yeah.
02:11Was that with intent or does when you put your you know, I I have a lot of stand up friends that kind of say, got good twenty minutes right now. I'm working on the other twenty. I'm working on the hook.
02:18-Sure. Was that intentional to go that way? Yeah.
02:21I think a lot of the stand up that I loved growing up was the wrong moments, the off kilter moments, the moments that seemingly were like, oh, man, that's the that's the end of that rhythm. I actually like example,
02:35before The Tonight Show was Fallon growing up, it was Johnny Carson. He was the Fallon. And Johnny Carson could deliver the material, but when something went clunk, he came to life.
02:47And you saw something happen in the room and you felt it that was you couldn't take your eyes off him in that moment. And and it was like, can he get back to the laugh? And of course, he would.
02:55Yeah. And so I think I always looked at stand up as, I'm never gonna be a perfect stand up comedian. I'm never going to master this.
03:04There is no endgame to stand I'd I'd been a student of it enough to know.
03:10But if you're a person who evolves their philosophy, grows up with a generation of fans, and can kind of take the piss out of yourself, and in those Johnny Carson type moments Yeah. Reflect on it in real time, if you get that good, then I think that's where comedy can be storytelling, and you don't really see the beginning, middle, and end.
03:28Yeah. I also think it takes, like, tons of I'll call it guts since this is a clean show.
03:33But, like, I speak for a living. Right? So well, I don't mean for a living.
03:36That's one the things I do. To go that long on a story means you got a lot of confidence where you're taking me. Because if it doesn't hit, you've taken eight or ten minutes up of the show that doesn't hit.
03:46So Right. That takes some real stuff, right, do that. Do you And it takes a lot of time
03:51not getting quite to the where Does it the end point is, yeah, there's you know, it's kind of the cul de sac moment once in a while, I call it, where you go, well, this is lovely, but where does this go? Right. Right.
04:02And so the pieces that you see if I if I do my job the way I I hope I presented it here is like, I'm gonna sandbox each story Mhmm. And we're gonna find something that we call in comedy.
04:14I'm sure you've heard it from your other comedy buddies is LPMs, laughs per minute. Mhmm. And if I can fill a story out and I know where I wanna take you, but I can hit those laughs, it's not a seminar or monologue, it's stand up.
04:25Oh, very good. Yeah. What made you do it at your house?
04:28A few reasons. Well, first and foremost, when I moved in there twelve years ago, I It's a baller pad, by the way.
04:36It's a it's a beautiful spot. Yep. And it's overlooking, and it's just it looks like a treasure trove out there.
04:41It's it's glistening. And I stood on my porch twelve years ago. Uh, I went through probably one of the most difficult moments of my life where I'd been come out of a hardship, a financial hardship.
04:54And I almost didn't even know if I could keep my house. I was in such dire straits. But I stood on the porch, and I was like, not only am I gonna work my ass off to my butt off.
05:03Sorry. It's okay. To to to keep this place, but it feels like a stage up here.
05:09And I already had been formulating the idea, and where that came from was,
05:13I don't know how it was out here, but East Coast, you had somebody stoop, you had a weekend night, you had a few drinks, and you had neighbors congregating and stories flying and impersonations of each other. And next thing you know, it was like it felt like a little makeshift show on on a on a front porch. Yeah.
05:28And I loved that, and I wanted to recreate that. You did that out of that. So I wanna go there.
05:32It's one the things I wanted to ask you about. Sure. You see someone like you, you've had this, like your voice is tripping me out because in the old days when you had, like, an iPod, like, the thing when you turn it on, the same thing would pop up.
05:43Your comedy special popped up for, like, four years ago. I actually got very sick of you because I was like, click off this guy. Like, I kept hearing your damn voice in this dream.
05:51It was like, alphabetically one of my bits was, like, the first one that, like abduction bit or whatever it was. Like aliens.
05:57Yeah. Yeah. The aliens one.
05:58A lot of people wrote me that and said that. How the hell do you know? Because it's with an a.
06:02Because people would tell me you're the first thing on my shuffle. I've heard that bit, no exaggeration, over 3,000 times. I apologize.
06:09Know. Sorry. It's really good, but it ain't 3,000 times.
06:11It wasn't worth it wasn't worth 3,000 plays, but it was a funny bit. So having you on here, but I also I was very much a fan of your work, and so I know about what you're describing.
06:23So people see the successful life of anybody that's on my show and the backstory, like, we'll get to how you started and what you overcame, but in the in the throes of your career, after you've worked your ass off traveling around busting your tail, someone very close to you Yeah. I mean, this is an incredible,
06:40incredible amount of adversity and story. So tell them what happened. I wanna know.
06:44Grew up with a half brother Mhmm. In the same household, so felt like just like brother. Mhmm.
06:49Right? And he ended up coming and working for me as my bookkeeper. Mhmm.
06:53So what started off as a young kid, you know, paying my Chevy Cavalier once a month bill and Yeah. You know, maybe like a couple of slices of pizza that I charged on my, you know, Arlington credit card Mhmm. Turned into something, you know, much more lucrative.
07:07And, unfortunately, what I did not know Now your face just changed. He he was, you know I guess the joke would be like, was he double dipping?
07:15And it's like, what's that times 50? Wow. He was just you know, he was taking, and it was real nefarious.
07:22And it left me in a place where all those years of sixteen years to become an overnight sensation, not only did it hit the reset button, but it was like, I have nothing in the till. Wow.
07:33I'm quite literally, you know, trying to figure out like, it was fascinating because you because I was like, I still have my creativity.
07:42I still have this fan base, but I don't have the monetization Mhmm.
07:47To just do whatever I want in this moment. It was almost like kind of weirdly starting over in the middle of my career. I call it The Empire Strikes Back saga of my
07:56life and career because it got dark. And it got so he was incarcerated. Yeah.
08:01Oh, yeah. He went to prison for
08:03eight eight years.
08:04Did you all just hear that? Maria Manunos was telling me she's driving with you and boss. She's like, oh, yeah.
08:08My brother's there.
08:09And, like, he literally drove by where he was. That's right. He He was at Middlesex County Jail, which I think now is torn down.
08:14It might be a hotel. But at the time, he was, you know, probably peeking out a little window in that in that jail, in the Luskau. And that's the time that you're saying you conceived of this vision for what now I'm seeing in your special?
08:25Or the Well, was with me at the house. He was with me when I first was buying the house, and I didn't know that I really didn't have the ability. But he was telling me, yeah.
08:32Yeah. Yeah. You're you're good.
08:34And whatever he was doing away from the porch that day was, like, preparing for his getaway as I was preparing to to buy my dream house, not knowing that I just yeah. No. I was not solvent in that moment to be able to to do that.
08:47Yeah. Because you bring you have a unique even when you walk in the room, like, you light it up, you have a really special energy. You have a success energy, whatever that is.
08:55I could probably call it charisma.
08:57You have that. And it's special, and you know it when you see it in somebody. But as I like dove into you, my admiration for you really grew.
09:05I'm like, this dude has constantly had to overcome all kinds of stuff, like all, like, really heavy stuff. And in the special, was moved by many things, but your face also changes in the special.
09:18Like, I watched it twice. And you tell the story about that Chevy Cavalier, by the way.
09:23I really watched, man. I love that And you you get this gig, and I think it's in Florida.
09:27That's right. And it's not paid. And you go, yep.
09:30I'll go do it. And I don't wanna tell the whole special away, but
09:34I just We call it a hell gig now. These are the these are if you like comedy hell gig stories Yeah. Then mine was either gonna break me or, you know,
09:45incite me. No. But everyone listen to this show everyone if you listen to my stuff, you wanna do something great with your life.
09:52You're either doing it or you're trying to do it. And and you are gonna have your version of this maybe multiple times. Right.
10:00And then the crazy thing is then you may even get there and have it taken like you did. That's right. But can you And and not only that, but you may get knocked down and get up and get knocked down and get up and then get knocked down and get up.
10:11It's like it isn't just a metronome rhythm of, oh, if I take a knock. Sometimes you can take a lot of knocks. A lot of them.
10:17And you've taken them. And I always say the difference between winning and losing is so small in life and sports. We're talking football before we went on here.
10:24Yeah. It's almost too scary to look at. And you were
10:29this close to going, I'm out. Actually, you did say it. So for sure.
10:33Did you tell them a little version of what happened there, like, with the hot dogs and Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
10:37Unbelievable. Yeah. So I tell this bit about it's called the Wrath Skeller.
10:41And if you end up listening to to it Everyone listen. Yeah. It's gonna listen.
10:45It's it's gonna be on Spotify as well too. So the album will be everywhere. But if I would I would love for you to see the special because I think aesthetically, what Marty Culner did as my director is absolutely lovely.
10:55But It is. The bit is centered around when you're so when you're a comedian on the come up, you know, there's no there's no dental.
11:05There's no there's no support.
11:07There's no union. There's no nothing. And you just take these gigs sometimes that are they might be you know, the middle of nowhere would make these gigs seem interesting.
11:16You know, you're talking about places that seem like kind of insignificant, but it matters to get out on the road and build that fan base. So I tell the story of a a humiliating, bludgeoning Oh gosh.
11:30Ego destroying, maybe even ego defining if we wanted to get into psychology of it all. Moment very early in my career where I was hired to do a gig at this place called the Rathskeller from Boston.
11:41I drove to Florida. The story I tell is probably a condensed version of a twenty four, forty eight hours of my life where I was really rethinking everything. Mhmm.
11:51You know? Putting it out really in front of me, and I'm sure you've had these great minutiae conversations where you're really getting into beyond the nitty gritty, you're into the plankton of it all Yeah.
12:00And you're going, I do not have what it takes right now to see this through. Yeah.
12:06And to relinquish your power in that moment and know it's okay to know I don't have it all. Yeah. I don't.
12:12I don't. But maybe from that, I can recognize the pockets, the holes, the voids, and start getting the education and information to fill those things in. Mhmm.
12:21But you need to you need to have it almost like break apart and crack apart and break you in order to go, oh, yeah, this is life. This is life. Identifying that that void and going, I need material in there, not, you know, comedy material.
12:38I need I need stuff in there, you know, to adhesive Yes.
12:44For the dreams around it to come to fruition.
12:47He basically quits, and then, like, few minutes later goes, no, I'm not out. Don't tell the whole ending. No, I won't.
12:53I won't see the whole thing. I want them to see it.
12:55But, I mean, the the thing about I'm kidding. It's not the actual ending.
12:59It's not the ending. There's a little bit more after that. But my dad was an alcoholic, and when he got sober I felt like I got sober.
13:05I said, daddy, are you never gonna drink again? He goes, I can't tell you that. I'm not gonna drink for one more day.
13:10And when I was an entrepreneur, it reminds me of the story in the I am an entrepreneur, but when I was struggling Right. Which I still struggle sometimes, but when I was really struggling, I called my dad.
13:19I'm like, I don't have what it takes. Verbatim, what you just said, I said the words, I don't have what it takes. I'm just not like these other guys.
13:26I'm just I don't know. Like, I I want it, but I don't think I want it like they do, or there's something missing in me. I'm gonna quit.
13:33Wow. Wow. And my dad goes I go, dad, I can't decide.
13:37I just wanna do this forever. My dad goes, well, you don't have to. He goes, just don't quit for one more day.
13:42I just didn't quit that day. You know what I mean? I just didn't quit that day.
13:46And then the next day, the kind of the emotion started to wear off and my strength came back, and many, many times, like, I'm just not gonna quit for today. You needed to be depleted. You almost needed to run your battery out completely Yeah.
13:57To feel that feeling. Have you had that? Like, multiple you say like, I've heard you say, like, what you just said about the void or, like, that space.
14:03Like, that's where you've got all your info. Right when you've at the end of something and failures where you've gathered most of your info that's made you successful. Yeah.
14:11Something about being completely annihilated
14:13sometimes emotionally, I think where you come back from that and start to recognize or for me was, I don't need to do this the way that I think success is derived from.
14:26I need to do my version of this Wow. And take it to where my success will be. Jeez.
14:32And that was definitive in that breakdown side of the road moment. What I say now and kind of the way I put it together and what I think is kind of an interesting sound bite is like, when you're at your rock bottom, I try to tell people, don't be so fast to come up for air.
14:47Don't don't get the hell out of there so quick. Take a beat, Look around.
14:51Accept that you're in this rock bottom moment because there's so much data in failure. There's so much wealth of information in hitting that lowest moment that when you finally come to the surface, those are .
15:06And you only get them at your most broken, down at the bottom moment where you're not just on one knee, you're down on both trying to figure out, like, which end is up.
15:17You need it. Oh. You need that.
15:19Thank you. We could stop right now. Like, thank you for that.
15:22Like, I've had five I've done about 500 shows. I've had five people who aren't in what I'd call the self help motivational field. Five that I've said this to.
15:31You should be doing this in addition to what you do. No. No.
15:33No. Not because you need the money, because you don't.
15:37Because you'd really help humanity with it. Let me tell you who they are. It's interesting.
15:41Jim Rome, the radio broadcaster, has become a dear friend of mine, and he's starting to. Ironically, David Arnold. David Arnold, who you and I were just talking about, who sat in the seat you're in several weeks ago and is no longer with us.
15:56I said that to Leanne Rhimes about three hours ago. Okay. He was just here.
16:01Oh. There was one other I'm forgetting, and you. I think it's the four, and it's you.
16:05And I've thought this about you for years as I've watched you. I've watched you on different things and I've here's how I know. I'll rewind and listen to you say it again.
16:13I've watched you in various different things. Went I wanna watch even the special. I didn't I I laughed the whole time, but it's not why I watched it again.
16:19I watched it again because I wanted to be moved by a few of the stories in there. Right. It's particularly like your and then it's not just what you said.
16:26It's like kind of even with you right now, even though this is mainly audio, Like, face. When you said your brother, your face changed.
16:32When you said that story, your face changed. So it's at that place. The other thing I wanted to ask you about is, I know you've dealt with anxiety, and I heard you say something like there's a fine line between anxiety and something else.
16:45Right. Excitement. Man, I live this.
16:47So I think you say it way better than I can say it, and I'm the one in this space. So say it. What is it?
16:51Yeah, man. It was a
16:53a eureka moment in my I had never done therapy as an adult, and after my I'd lost both my parents to cancer within the same year. Around the time this stuff happened with your brother.
17:04Years before. So I lose both my folks, and I'm still in Sorry about that. Running oh, thank you, man.
17:10Thank you. Yeah. The you know, I was from that moment, was in, like, run and gun moment, probably for a lot of reasons.
17:18I was I was not ready to accept that, you know my mom was my best friend. Mhmm.
17:23So it's like I was not ready. I'd I'd grown a great relationship with my father also out of alcoholism, and we finally figured it out.
17:29It took us the last, like, eight years of his life. So I lose my folks. I'm still racing because I'm in this high watermark moment.
17:38Got the stuff that happens with my brother. Then the career starts to come down off of it. It's like the echelon.
17:43And all that's happening at the same time. And I finally realized, I don't know how to be sad. My dad was an athlete.
17:48I've got broad shoulders, but my mom was very phobic and very sensitive. I got the anxiety. I got a heart of my sleeve kind of thing.
17:57And all of those things mushed together was like, I'm a guy that wants to put wind in the wind column. Right? Like the dad.
18:03Yep. But I'm mostly like a very sensitive kid. Mhmm.
18:07No instruction to how to grieve and to how to accept like you made it and it's gonna hurt because you're gonna fall. It's gonna be part of that. Mhmm.
18:16Sitting across from a therapist one day and talking about like anxiety and how I cope, you know, put the feet on the floor and I, you know, you rub the top of your legs and you put the tongue in the roof of your mouth and eight seconds in breathing.
18:28Knew all seventeen minutes if I can make it through, you know, I knew all the, you know, the tricks, the life hacks. And he said to me, Do you ever think that maybe in one of those moments where you're feeling really scared that you're actually anticipating?
18:41And I I said, almost like there's a fine line between my anxiety and excitement. And he said nothing.
18:49But when I said it, it was like meeting myself. Yeah. I recognized something in me that was, like, more apparent than even some of the other things I'd put on to show people.
19:00Yeah. And it was in that moment when I walked out of there that I I subscribed to that and I started to investigate, hey, you know what?
19:08Maybe there are times in my life where I'm not scared, but I'm fooling myself into thinking I am.
19:15And why Is because I think a lot of people, and I'm sure some of your listeners will understand, knowing you're gonna succeed is scary. Yeah.
19:24Mhmm.
19:25It's hard to go into what I said on the Bert Kreischer podcast. It's hard to say, I'm gonna win. Mhmm.
19:32It's scary to say that. It's really putting yourself out there. Mhmm.
19:36But you know and I know that when you're feeling it, you have to You gotta go. You gotta run for the touchdown. You get like, if you were in sports, you'd be like, give me the ball.
19:45Yep. Yep. And I don't know why in society, I think we're in this place where it's not always we're not always allowing ourselves to That's so true.
19:52To say, that person's they're they're in a they're sparkling. Yes.
19:58And, like, let's let them have it. Yep. Let's let them go.
20:00We don't have to equalize all the time. Sometimes Yeah. You feel behind everybody, and that's okay to feel like I can't keep up.
20:06And sometimes you're ahead. Mhmm. And in anxiety and excitement, I started to learn, I have to identify if I'm anxious.
20:12I need to be able to tell you and say to you, hey, man, I'm feeling like a little scared today. I'm feeling like and be able to do that. Yes.
20:18But I also need to be able to say to you, man, I'm really gung ho. Yeah. I'm really feeling it.
20:22And now I can separate those two things. Yeah. And it's easier to compartmentalize
20:27my reaction to those things because I I know better who I am from them. It's the best thing I've ever heard, man. Like, I in my first book, I call them the butterfly moments of life.
20:36Yeah. When I was I got butterflies when some dude wanted to beat me up on the playground. Right.
20:40And I got butterflies when I thought I was gonna get a home run-in the baseball game. Yeah. And I've learned that in those butterfly moments, I've identified them as butterfly moment is the universe god's way of going.
20:48Something real special could happen right now. And I've actually when I go speak, if it's a big state, there's 15,000 people, I get the butterflies. They used go, I'm scared.
20:57Right. I'm scared. Now I go, I think I'm excited.
20:59That's right. But I didn't use the word excited until I saw you say it. Right.
21:02But to me, I call my first book, I call them these butterfly moments. I also don't want to live a life with no butterfly moments. You're engaged.
21:09Yeah. At some point, this sounds corny, but she gave you those.
21:13That's right. Maybe she still does. In fact, I think sometimes how you know it's the one is the butterflies continue past the first or second date.
21:20Great identifiers of where you're supposed to be. Isn't it? Yeah.
21:23That so that thing, that anxiety thing that we call anxiety or fear, a lot of things with parenting is caught, not taught. Like, I didn't turn out like my dad, but we do inherit our parents' emotions a lot. Right.
21:35Maybe not their behaviors, maybe not their career, but we do inherit their emotions. My dad, till the day he died, he was a stud, but he would always say, I'm 45 years old.
21:44We have a great conversation. Hey. Be careful.
21:46He would finish every call, every meeting. Hey. Be careful.
21:49Be what the am I being careful about all the time? What is it's it's embedding in me. There's lots of things to be afraid of Yeah.
21:55In life, but you don't do that as a parent intentionally,
21:58but it happens. So I just I just think it's like, that's why I tell you you should be doing this. It's like, I you know, and I do.
22:05I mean, it it is in my stand up. I mean, part of it, like, it's like I've I've figured out a way to, like, um, not shield a real emotion even though there's comedy happening around it.
22:15So there are definitely parts in the performance where I like to say now like I didn't expect that. Mhmm.
22:22I'll perform something and it's not just all the show. Mhmm. And I will say, sometimes I'll laugh at something, and my my joke to that is, sorry to be laughing, some of the stuff I'm hearing for the first time as well.
22:33Yeah. And I like that I'm cultivating the next incarnation of my stand up career that it it's it's you're I'm not there to try to teach. I'm not but I am trying to teach you about me, and if my experiences help you, then you're laughing and you're also getting a little bit of that data that I'm talking about.
22:49That's really good. Yeah. That's really good.
22:51I love that you talk you know, it's like when you talk about your dad, you made me recognize, like, thinking about the the information and sometimes the misinformation that, you know, we get from our parents, you know, from being, you know, in caved in the in the household and in a sponge mode of what we see and what we absorb.
23:09And yet, isn't it it's it's it's interesting that sometimes, I think maybe as men and and I'm just, you know, not trying to narrow it, but maybe maybe men and women, but I think sometimes as men, like, we take those things that we think are the signs of being a provider or and being a with my dad, I was fortunate to have my mom always in my ear and saying, be the best parts of him.
23:38Remember to be the best parts of him. It was a good little nugget that I hope that I can impart, which is like, not all of what I am is what what you need to be.
23:48Yeah. If you cease if you identify great traits in me, give it a shot. Those flecks might inform you.
23:55But you don't have to be me, and you don't have to be what my life is. I'm gonna have more fun being able to watch you. And I don't know if our dads or my dad Mhmm.
24:03Really knew how to
24:05articulate that. No. My dad definitely didn't.
24:08But I'd like to think by the way, just made me feel good about myself. I actually think I have some of I'm giving myself a compliment. I I think I took some of my dads.
24:14My dad had great things about him. I think I did by the way, everyone listening to this, you know, the key thing in listening to our show is the application of the information.
24:23So when he says something like he just said that's so beautifully profound and unique, what's the application for you? Maybe it's taking the best thing from your children that are struggling right now. What's the best things about them?
24:33Emphasize those things. They could build their entire life around those things rather than focusing on their they're not good at math in school, and you're constantly beating them up about their math scores. Maybe they're exceptional at geography or history or reading or reading.
24:47Showing you in that moment, this is not my strength. Right. So don't make me have to Right.
24:52Work that muscle if my do that, but let's let's go to my strength. Like, I I was terrible at math. Thank god.
24:58My what if I had spent my whole life trying to get good at math? It has nothing to do with anything I do for a living right now. Speaking of Do you know what the best advice your dad ever gave you was?
25:06Whether it was on purpose or not, does that does something come to mind? Yeah. It does.
25:11I know the worst, and I know the best. So the worst was he told me not to go into the business, and it ultimately made me, you know, pretty wealthy. So that was bad advice.
25:18Okay. But my this may sound super corny, but my dad taught me to not my dad was very liberal, and a beautiful part of him was not to ever judge somebody that you don't know what the cross they're bearing.
25:29So that my dad was that dude that no matter how drunk he got or whatever he did, if there's a home everyone's getting money if they're homeless. Everyone's getting something we gave their I wouldn't I I'm not a highly judgmental person because of my dad. I love all people because of my dad, but when even when someone would misbehave or be rude or my dad would go, you don't know what they're going through.
25:48You just don't know. And I've been pretty good at pausing in my life to do that. What about yours?
25:52Oh, boy.
25:55He had a few gems, but I think the one that always stays with me is he once said well, said actually to you. He said one time, nothing attracts a crowd like a crowd. In other words, like building up my fan base early on.
26:06Nothing attracts a crowd like a crowd. I think we were walking through, like, Faneuil Hall, we saw a few people, like, getting ready to watch somebody entertain or maybe do, like, some acrobatics or and he turned to me and said, just remember that. Nothing attracts a crowd like a crowd.
26:17So I took that early on. But he also said something, and I I know he didn't intend for this to be as instrumental.
26:26He once said to me, you should do more college gigs. This is when I was, like, first starting around Boston. Those were good pieces.
26:31And but early college gigs were and no money, like, you show up at a cafeteria and you're, like, you know, you're, like, a fodder for while they're eating their snacks, and then you look up and there's a comedian there. But he said, you should do a lot of college gigs. And I was trying to be a club comic.
26:45I thought that's that's the cool road. Yeah. And I said, why do you think I should do a lot of college gigs?
26:49And he said, I believe the things that you discover in your college years are the things that you take with you for the rest of your life Mhmm. And you wanna keep close.
26:58In other words, like, the happiest memories of maybe what he looked at as maybe some of the best times of his life. Up in the prime of his life. And to go, oh, wow.
27:05If you always have that group, then you might always be able to pay the bills because that's a group that will want to grow with you. And so that's when I started saying, I want to grow up.
27:16I wanna grow with a a generation of comedy fans. I don't know if I'll take it beyond. I don't know where I'm gonna go.
27:22But I do know I wanna grow up with this generation of college four years.
27:28You were that intentional about it? Oh, yeah. Yeah.
27:30I was like, man, I I at 15, I felt like I was already I I liked I was watching Oprah every day with my mom and having deep discussions about, like, why are these people behaving and why that philosophy. And I was the key to comedy, curiosity.
27:46And I was a curious kid. I was curious about even why I was the way I was. And so I always kept that.
27:51Leanne Rimes was sitting right here two hours ago Yeah. And said, the key is curiosity.
27:56Oh, wow. Okay. Success leaves clues.
27:58By the way, I watched Oprah two. Now I have a show that's like that called Change, my own show. Yeah.
28:02Same thing I'd ask my own Quick plug. Where do I get to experience it? On Nosey.
28:05On Nosey. You're streaming on Nosey right now. Thank you.
28:08Streaming on Nosey. Speaking of incarnations of you and your intention, so you all know who Dane Cook is, but you may not know how you know Dane Cook. You were the first I mean, like, real pioneering on branding, on social, on Myspace.
28:24Was that intentional? And what would you say to someone who is
28:28social brand reliant right now? Any any tips on building one and any warnings about doing one? I'll tell you, though, the key.
28:36Because this is the key. Right? The key then and the key now, even though, yes, there's algorithms and there's maybe corporate entities and there's, you know, trends and there's a lot of malarkey.
28:47What worked for me twenty years ago and what I now like to say it was TikTok one point o Yeah. Which was Myspace.
28:54Yep. The first kind of reel, that in Facebook Yeah. Is as true today, even though there's a lot of noise and distraction.
29:01And what worked for me twenty years ago that didn't work for several other comedians and maybe some musician friends was they'd set up a page and they had cool stuff on it but you have to have soul. Even in the digital realm.
29:15You gotta have soul. You gotta figure out how can I put some real heart and soul into this static page with some videos or some cool font or whatever however your aesthetic, however you present, you can make it look fancy schmancy, but you gotta put some truth in there?
29:33That's what resonates with people more than anything else. Even if it's absurd truth, even if it's like irreverent truth, if you're speaking your truth, you will find you'll you're polarizing. And that's good because you'll have definitively a person on one side say, I love this.
29:48And then you'll definitively have somebody on the other side that can't stop watching you because the truth is an aphrodisiac. And they want to come in and they want to point counterpoint with the people on that side. You you you want that.
30:01So So if you don't have heart and soul in your in your in your space Mhmm. Then you're gonna see the numbers languishing.
30:07You need that. Okay. Is there a danger
30:11in it? In other words, was there a part of you that goes, you know, I'm sorry, I did it? I mean, you probably would not be The danger is derivative.
30:18Meaning? Meaning, don't be derivative. When you're gonna see something that works once Got unless you're in the in the business of making one red hat with one green feather Mhmm.
30:27And that's all you make and that's the that's the aesthetic, then you're gonna pigeonhole yourself quick. And so I think with truth, because truth is ever changing and you're ever changing, and as a person you're ever changing, your experiences, be that in the digital realm.
30:42So good, Dave. Allow people in even when it's like, like, oh, this this is it's hard to give your power to people.
30:50Like, you know, we've I know that you've talked about, like Yep. Give your power to somebody else, and man, it's it's terrifying. Yes.
30:57Because, like, what are you gonna do? How are you gonna hurt me? The inner child in me, the person that you know you know I have failed, you know what broke me in my career.
31:05You could easily hit that switch and bring a lot of things that make me want to regurgitate. Gosh.
31:11But but because I own all of it, you can't hurt me with it because I accept my truth. I accept all the bad things happened to me, which is the conclusion of in your page, in your digital presentation, if you're not derivative, if you can stay present zen, how whatever you call it, nothing's ever falling apart.
31:33It's . Adopt that, keep that, and be truthful, and love what you're doing in there, and that's gonna give your page soul.
31:41And if you have soul, people swing through, hang out with you. Every interview we do, when I'm listening to someone talk, I go, okay, that'll be the social media clip. I remember that.
31:49I'm so sick It's like minority report. You're editing and seeing that. I love that, The problem is, I don't mean to blow and smoke at you.
31:55Like, every damn thing you've said so far would be the clip. Like, I'm serious. Like, every have you always been your IQ this high, have you always been this I don't know what my IQ is.
32:04I just know that, like, I am a passionate person, and sometimes I ramble, but I am my curiosity has led to some definitive understanding at at now 50 years old. I I I wanna just be straight up, no nonsense twenty four seven.
32:20So you got me on a good day. Yeah. Because if I came in feeling like downtrodden Yeah.
32:24I say, man, I need some pick me up today. Yeah. Maybe you have the advice that I don't have, but like I'm gonna listen more than I am gonna jabber.
32:30Yeah. Well, I'm glad that I well, I would take you on either day, brother. And I'm here for you on those days, by the way.
32:35I mean that too. I
32:36you're moving me. So speaking of that, like opening yourself up to criticism, this man became hated to some extent, and even by peers that were jealous.
32:51You know. I've had I won't I've had mutual friends of ours tell me, you know what?
32:56I feel bad. I didn't like that dude for years, and then I got to know him. He's a wonderful guy.
33:00Right. Right. You know what I'm saying?
33:01I've had those You move so far in front of the line. So there's all these dudes that went off putting.
33:07It was off putting. They well, people went to traditional, whatever that was, and you found a path that was yours.
33:13Everything you just said, you did. That's why it's so powerful. What he just described, he did.
33:18The thing he said earlier about success being looking one way, this is the success my way. Yeah. So he found his way, and he just went, boom.
33:25He's filling arenas up, and there's these guys that are great comics, but they're still doing clubs for a 150 people. And you you took a lot of criticism. Right.
33:35And even in your special, I don't wanna blow especially you even say, I don't I shouldn't Google myself. Right. So how did it impact you then, and how should someone deal Yeah.
33:46With criticism, hate, those things? Now this you have a master class on it.
33:50Man, it how do I deal with it then? Yeah. Oh, boy.
33:53Oh, man. It was
33:57there was a lot of pain Mhmm. Because I just wanted acceptance. I was still the kid who you know, I told you I was like running running running, like success had me like on a tear.
34:06And then after a little bit, I remember exactly what the moment was or realizing, oh my goodness, like, I'm more that kid than I ever was before. And all this success and all the adulation and all the good stuff that comes with it, you know, nothing was ever gonna fill the Yeah.
34:22The void. Larry Moss is a great acting instructor. I had an opportunity to to have a seminar with him, a private one on one, and he said something that was just so prolific.
34:31He said he said, talk to me a little bit about the the void, the the hole that you feel inside of you.
34:38Mhmm. And I at first, I was kinda like, you know, I didn't expect that we're gonna go there in an acting seminar. Don't know.
34:44And I said, I I don't really know what you mean. And he kept on me, kept on me. And then he finally said, you know, that emptiness that you feel, that you take with you from when you're a kid.
34:54He said, what would happen if you stop trying to cover it with things? What would happen if you stop trying to keep it behind you? And what would happen if you showed people that void?
35:04What would happen? And I went on stage that night and I started I started the show in a way that it never had, which was I'm gonna tell people at the very beginning when I greet everybody how I truly feel.
35:15Again, that thing about soul and Mhmm. And truthfulness because then the rest of the act is gonna take on a different vibe because now you know when I said, hey, everybody.
35:25I hope you're having a good night. I'm having a rough day. And I could get into it like whether I did or didn't, I'm starting with an instant moment of Truth.
35:34Not putting on a facade. Yeah. It's not show me.
35:36I'm telling you something real. And I think from from that moment when backlash started to happen, my initial feeling was I was in such pain because I wanted the acceptance, and I think I thought that show business or specifically comedy was gonna be like athletics, you know, athleticism.
35:55My dad was, you know, into so many sports, I thought when you win, maybe it's gonna feel like you win for everybody. And I thought I was winning for everybody. I thought when I broke down that that digital realm Yeah.
36:09The brand. That I was I would that I would say, hey, I know you know, I was kind of a geek to be sitting at home doing all this stuff toiling on the Internet, but, hey, I think I broke the code to help all of us.
36:19Yeah. And it wasn't received that way. It was received from a lot of people in hindsight who would share with me like, man, I'd be on the road and all morning DJs would say is like, why don't you be like Dane Cook?
36:29Mhmm. And it was me saying like, don't try to be my success when I was saying like, you know, you realize your success isn't the path that you think you need to be on. You're it's taking that and making a unique path.
36:41Well, I was that unique path that other people were being told, do what he's doing. And that that didn't sit well with a lot of people.
36:48It didn't, brother. Yeah. Did you did it affect your confidence?
36:52Not on stage. I'm a pressure player. What does that mean?
36:57That means that the one place, even from the very beginning as a kid who felt so very insignificant and empty and was real hard on myself, Something when I got on stage was like it just it felt like I'm in real time when everywhere else I feel like very out of sorts and very kind of lonely or a wallflower or no timing.
37:19And I think I got that from my dad. Athleticism Mhmm.
37:24Ready for the ball. Give me the ball. And in that moment and it was the one place that I I didn't it didn't break my confidence.
37:31But in my personal life, I went through a real, like, a real topsy-turvy time not feeling like, oh, man, I I thought by breaking through, it would bring all the kids in the schoolyard to love me.
37:43Mhmm.
37:44I think that, like, when you're on stage or you're doing something you're called to do or great at, it's a moment of, like, full presence, and you don't have the luxury of worrying about all these external things.
37:57It's like when I'm speaking on stage, I'm you have to be fully present when you're there. Right. And I think somehow the other stuff, all my insecurities sort of disappear in those moments.
38:06Yet the minute I walk off, like, minute I walk off Yes. How did I do? How did I do?
38:11I'm back to being that kid again. Love me. Tell me I did well.
38:13Was that okay? What did I screw up? Right.
38:15I don't know. Do you do that when you get off stage? I'm very insecure
38:18when I'm finished. When I step off stage, almost immediately, my heart rate starts to decrease.
38:24I have a really good resting heart rate, by way. It's, like, 65 all the time. Okay.
38:28That's good. And I step off stage, and by the time I get from the stay this is like this even in arenas. By the time I'd get for off stage 20,000 people and was in my dressing room, my tea was ready Mhmm.
38:40With a little honey, and I'm very chill. And I'm zen because I I know it's like I'm back to being that regular human being.
38:49I never chased the party after. I never needed that adulation after the Never.
38:54I used to watch you thinking this dude's so good looking. Every walks when Dane walks out, it's like, woo. It was crazy.
39:00Crazy. Yeah. A lot of women and a lot of And I'm like, this tension is going ballistic the minute he walks off the stage.
39:07That was not true? Well, I was I was probably
39:10having at it in the after party with my friends. But as far as, like, I never needed the agitation
39:16together. Of the stage is something that I know is only in one place, and I don't try to look for it or find it anywhere else, and it's just right there. Okay.
39:23If I'm pursuing a dream, I'm listening to Dane Cook right now, someone who achieved his dream. Right. And I ask a lot of people by the way, everyone listening, are you starting to see a theme with successful people that are on the show all the time?
39:34Did you hear what he just said about there's this void I'm trying to fill? There's these insecure have you are you seeing a theme here? Here's the theme.
39:42They're you. They sound a lot like you, don't they, when you get them behind a microphone and they're not on stage and they're in an environment where they can tell the truth.
39:52They've had adversity. They've had haters. They've had setbacks.
39:54They've had insecurities. They've had strange upbringings. They've had people around them hurt them.
39:58They deal with the emotions you deal with, the fear and anxiety. Isn't this interesting? They're you.
40:04And the reason it's so important that you accept that is because if they were superhuman, that would give you a cop out to not making your dream come true. But because now you know they're just like you, there's no excuse for you not to make your dream come true.
40:18That's why, like, some of this hero worship stuff that you get when you go out or I get idle it's enjoyable to feel, but there's a part of me that's like, I'm not any different than you, and I don't want you to think it because that gives you an excuse not to win.
40:31Now what I'm wondering about you is By the way, said nothing because that's the clip from the show, dude.
40:37No. That was like yeah, man. That was it right there.
40:41Don't want that for people. Now,
40:43I'm curious though. You caught your dream. Be honest about this, please.
40:46I know you've been honest the whole time, but like this is a hard one to be honest about. Was it or is it what you thought it would be and or slash worth it?
40:58It's what I thought it would be
41:00where in the rare air moments of success, when you see something hit that like plateau that you're like, man, this is exceeding my expectations.
41:11And I always set high expectations. Where it meets it for me is how you can give back when you have that light on you is awesome.
41:21Mhmm. And my favorite part of fame when I'm in a moment where it's like the you know, the ebb versus the flow is when I feel important, I get to make other people feel important. And to be able to like for example, like, when I first broke through and I could do stuff with Boston Children's Hospital, a place that I was when I was four years old, they helped me through some stuff.
41:39And to be able to go like, oh, now I get to take some of that light and illuminate over there. That's the best part.
41:44When you're not in a famous moment and you're not getting in front of those things, for me, where I go to is not like, oh, I'm not in vogue. Where I go to is like, I feel like if I make it better right now, I could help more people. Mhmm.
41:55And so that's always a driving factor for me. So when I when I met fame Yeah.
42:01Yes, all the the fun and the cool factor in, like, you know, rubbing elbows with my heroes and most of them being cool. I don't think I met too many people that, like so for a number of reasons, can say definitively, like, if when you're charging towards success when you get there, a lot of what you hope for it to be can and will be there.
42:19Mhmm. Then there's some prickly parts and there's some bad contracts and stuff that in business are gonna be like a little bit of like a poo poo moment.
42:28Yeah. But for the most part, love the the experience
42:31of being kind of in that inner circle. Okay. And you what about tying your identity to it?
42:36Meaning, inevitably, there's peaks and plateaus and valleys in everything in life. There's We're gonna talk about your relationship in a minute, if you don't mind, for a second.
42:44But in relation I've been in a long relationship. There's peaks and valleys and plateaus in careers, in money, in notoriety, in these other things.
42:53And I think it's how you deal oftentimes with the valleys of your life that really will probably determine the quality of it.
43:01Sure. And so you have this meteoric rise, like anything. At some point, it's not gonna continue to go on an upward trajectory.
43:09Right. There's gonna be a point where someone else gets that ride. True.
43:11And you're there, but maybe not like we were there before. What was that experience? Like, I asked Sebastian because he's on that.
43:19Right. I said to him actually, the show, said, are you afraid it's gonna go away? He goes, yeah.
43:23I'm afraid it's gonna go away. And, of course, he works his ass off to make sure it doesn't, but in his case, and he would be the first one to say, there will be a point where it's not quite what it is.
43:32The zeitgeist moves on and yeah. There's like you're always gonna have your ability to create probably something new and exceptional, but like what it was will not remain. But it could be even better though.
43:44Right? Like, think your work is better. I think it should be and it always will be if you're putting yourself in the right place.
43:48Maybe it's because I'm a different age, but your work impacts me on more levels now than just laughing before. Right. Right.
43:54Right. So so but what about this notion of I think a lot of people tie their identity to just the external. I'm a mother.
43:59And so if their son hits three home runs in a game, they're real happy and proud. But if he's o for three or getting d's in school, they're not. Or I'm I their money or their fame or their career or their body or their looks.
44:11Right. Or and there's a danger, I think, in that. So did you have to did you did you have a little of that, and did you have to find your identity?
44:18And I know you see it in Yeah. In in Hollywood. Yeah.
44:21You're pulled out here a Like, there's a lot there's mainly
44:24their identity is tied to their notoriety or career. There was yeah. There was and again, with no playbook and there's nobody like, hi.
44:31I'm your liaison to fame. I'm gonna help you Right. I'm gonna help you work through, like, the columns that you want to, you know, keep strong and the things that, know, you know are somewhat fabricated or maybe you're not ready so you fake it till you make it.
44:43I was, again, fortunate, maybe had a great angel on my shoulder.
44:49When I first was putting myself out there on social media and seeing that it was working, I changed the banner of my first danecook.com page, which is still up today, and by the way, above it all is on there.
45:02Good. The first banner, created like a little HTML code banner.
45:07It said it said, if you're interested in my comedy and career I said, please don't follow me if you're not a fan of risks because I plan on taking a lot of them.
45:23And I gave myself permission right there Yeah. To change and evolve and not be Johnny Bravo and put on the same facade or jacket.
45:31And I knew that also meant, oh, wow. You know, I'm I'm letting people know that they're gonna be able to call me out on that moment and be like, oh, you're changing.
45:41Mhmm. You're different now. Mhmm.
45:42And I did get a lot of that. Mhmm. And you know what?
45:44I wouldn't I wouldn't have done it any other way. It's probably the best thing I could have done because where I didn't have the education of truly who I was or what it meant to be not in the public eye again Mhmm.
45:55Full circle back to like who I really was Mhmm. That at least prepared me to go like, well, nobody's ever gonna be able to say I'm a phony. Yeah.
46:02Because even though I wasn't always ready for moments and even though I was like ragtag sometimes, what you see is what you get. It was the Johnny Carson.
46:11In between the jokes, you got to know who I really was. I see. And I'm proud that I got to do that and I would I would tell your listeners like, if there's one thing that you want to always rely on is that you're gonna look in the mirror every single morning and that's the judge jury.
46:26That's that all the intel and information is already right there. Your whole day Mhmm. Isn't the look you give yourself.
46:33You brush your teeth, do you look away? I used to. I'd look away once in a while.
46:36I just said that two hours ago. Really? Yeah.
46:39Do do you get up? Do you Gosh, you're amazing. Do you smile do you smile be just for the sake of being awake and alive?
46:45I do. You know? Remind myself, you gotta stay grateful, gotta have gratitude.
46:49I'm a welfare kid out of Boston. I've had something, nothing, nothing again, something. It may be again.
46:55But the the prospect of your day is delivered to you right in that moment of looking yourself in the mirror. That's it.
47:03So start with some affirmations. Or I still do. I learned it.
47:05I I never had to go to AA personally. I I've never had a drink in my life, but I went I attend a lot of meetings. I love them.
47:11There's a lot of truth in that room. Yeah. There's a lot of brave people in those rooms.
47:15Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things that I can, and the wisdom to know the difference between them.
47:25I say it every day. Start your day off with that.
47:29I'm just looking at you like, what in the bro, you're remarkable. Oh, man.
47:34You don't you you're very you're not great at that, by the way. I've watched you a couple times. You're remarkable, Like, as a man, you're obviously very talented.
47:43You're very funny. You're remarkable. Like, you're literally right now, you're a performer, and you are sitting here changing millions
47:54of lives potentially. Oh, man. I just wanna make people feel good.
47:57Yeah. You And sometimes, like, you know, I know the feeling of not being able to breathe because you're like, I'm trapped. I'm trapped in this life where I don't know what my path is.
48:05And I know that feeling. And hopefully somebody can hear this and be like, I'm not trapped. You know?
48:10I believe that the obstacles and the hurdles in our life are we don't they're not there because you ran into them. I believe you went towards them because you know that's the exact thing you need to break down and get past.
48:21That's so good. I really believe that. And, you know, I have I I get a shot at my mom because we've talked a lot about my dad, but I really wanna say something that a moment that resonated me.
48:29My mom took me to see ET when I was a kid. Was at Christmas time that ET came out. Took me to Fresh Pawn movie theater Yes.
48:35Over off Route 2 here, you know Yes. Blades And Gates. Yes.
48:39She took me over there, and we went Christmas shopping. She had, like, Christmas gifts for me and for us that she hid in the bags and put in the trunk, and then we went and saw ET.
48:48And I loved it. I was like I was just mesmerized by this movie.
48:55Right? Yeah. Of course.
48:57We we all were, but I didn't know what I was going into and the music and the the story and Elliot and this whole thing. And we left the theater, and I wanted to talk about the movie because I was just so Yeah.
49:10Lost in it. And we sat even though it was winter, we sat for a little in our bundled up coats outside at on the stoop. And I remember it.
49:18I remember it. I can see it. I might see how cold we were, but I was, you know, just on a little tangent.
49:23We sat, and it was even a little wet from the melted snow, but we sat there, and she was answering questions. I was like, where is that who made that in Spielberg? And all these things I'm asking, and she's trying to help me to like, well, it's a you know, they make the movie and they do this and, you know, you gotta write it.
49:37There's a writer. Well, we get up from this moment where I'm so filled with magic.
49:44Yeah. And we walked over and the car had been stolen with all the Christmas gifts in it.
49:49My mom with her phobia went into a full blown one of the scariest.
49:56She'd spent all the money that we didn't have on these on Christmas and then to take me to the movie. And she went into, like, a fit, and not in a funny way, like a fit.
50:05And we went from this thing of, like, enchanting entertainment to, like, being so sad and broken.
50:17And it happened like that. It went from that moment and 10 steps later. And I think that defines everything even today.
50:24I think everything in that moment was like, that's life. Yeah. Fun, funny, scary, sad, tragedy.
50:34And then she made a joke on the way home. Somebody finally picked us up and she said something funny and she's I hope that jacket wasn't their size, whoever stole it.
50:42She said something, we laughed and and, man, it's like from my mom, that's all I ever wanted to get to in my career is a place where I could go, man, I hope I can just give information in a way that's either useful or funny.
50:57Gosh. And that's kind of that's the guy that's sitting here right now. Can I be useful and funny?
51:02And that that tells the kid inside me with the little void and the Yeah. That's it. That makes me feel like, oh, wow.
51:07I can have moments where little flex of my day where I feel like of purpose. Yeah.
51:12Can I answer for you? Yes. Yeah.
51:15Yeah. I'm feeling it. You're like, the synergy that we're creating here, I feel like people are listening going, I'd like to be a part of that conversation.
51:21It's insane. I think And you can. You yeah.
51:23It's insane.
51:24You're the best storyteller, dude. You're the there's a special in you, no pun intended, that which we'll talk about last, but, like, you're entering I love watching someone step into, like,
51:40their next level. Yeah. That's what you're doing.
51:43Yeah. I know. I'm feeling it.
51:44You feel it? You are. Feel good, man.
51:45Yeah. You're stepping into the I'm the happiest and healthiest I've ever been, even when I look back on that kid in o four, o five. There's a lot missing, a lot lacking.
51:53Yeah. And I'm happy to now be celebrating. Those fans have, again, growing up with a now their kids, their families are enjoying this new special.
52:00Mhmm. And I'm almost enjoying that period of time. Now, not with haters and all the ambivalence, even though there's always a level of narrative.
52:08Yeah. But the reality is I get to, you know, look back on that era fondly, and now I get to enter into this era smartly.
52:18Yeah. You know? There's a convergence of your talents and gifts with your life experience that are converging right now.
52:25I think so. That's what's happening. Feels like And and there's a there's a part of your spirit that was always there that was gonna be receiving this, that was preparing for this time.
52:34It's, like, really obvious to me. It's kind of like I'm watching you. You watch my face a couple of times.
52:38My pre born audio would know, but I can feel my sort of my jaw drop a couple of times here. One of the I wanna ask you a business question, a couple of things last.
52:46Are you betting on yourself in this special? Meaning, um, it's not streamed traditionally where it normally would be. So are you did you make a bet on you here, or how did this all work?
52:57Because this is another thing that would speak an awful lot to your vision, your courage. I was watching it going, I think this is a bet maybe with some partners, but this is a bet. This this is you.
53:08Yeah. He betting on himself here on this special. So tell him what that means and how that works.
53:13Because this is this is also another element of your vision because there's a few of you now that are like, you know what? I ain't putting it over there. Right.
53:19Maybe they do or don't want me, but either way Yeah. I'm going out on me here. So explain what you're doing here.
53:24Yeah. Whether they Whether they it all. Don't want me.
53:27I didn't even enter into those meetings. Well, your case, they just want you, but some guys Well, not everybody. I mean, there's definitely like, hey, listen.
53:33This is there's always clicks and there's always places that you think, oh, I'm gonna have access. And they're like, nah, we're good. Okay.
53:38And then there's other places that are like dying to have your business. But for me, it wasn't even about entertaining those. It was about probably based on a lot of what I told you when I first moved into that house, I felt like I'm in a position now.
53:51I've earned back the ability to to gamble on myself. And so I invested my own You did. Money, and I didn't do it halfway.
53:59If you watch this special, you're going see drone shots. On real. You're going see Yep.
54:04The guys who like the Super Bowl halftime show came and looked like makes my house look like like a little Red Rocks. A little It does.
54:11Exactly what it looks like. Beautiful. And so the whole goal here was to I've always liked to be a little bit of a disruptor in business You have.
54:22Because I don't like the way, especially young artists get stuck in contracts and their IP becomes shared IP, which then really isn't It's not theirs.
54:34It's not IP anymore. It's something it's a hybrid. Yep.
54:37And unfortunately, in a lot of those situations, there's a big contract and the first three pages are for you and then there's like 50 others that are for them.
54:47Yep. And so what does that really mean in the long short? It means you spend a lot of time and and more money kind of chasing your own residuals that you've earned from what you've created.
54:56And I don't do that anymore. I did it independently. I partnered up with moment dot c o.
55:01Okay. Scooter Braun's investment. Basically, what he wanted to do is create like a modern pay per view Mhmm.
55:07But for but for Internet. You can click on it. You don't need to subscribe to a streamer for a year.
55:11Mhmm. You can buy my special, enjoy it. And then at the end of that run that I have with Moment, that contract ends.
55:19Got it. Everything reverts to me. Comes back.
55:21And and I get all the data, which these streamers will not tell you, I wanna know regions. I wanna know analytics.
55:26I wanna know gender. I wanna know I I wanna know demo. I want I want all that.
55:30That helps me to understand my fan base as a business in the world. They won't tell you that. Yeah.
55:35K. You'll in fact, you'll wait years to get your residuals.
55:40And why does that happen to a lot of people that are not the Chappells and are not the Sagoras and at the highest level? Well, they get they get like a brinks truck or something backed up for them. Right.
55:50But everybody else is dealing with waiting for residuals that they may never get. And why are you waiting? It's because it's in the streamer's bank account and guess who's getting the interest off that.
55:59That's right. Okay. Right.
56:00So for all those reasons, I say no. Good for you, brother. And I've put out something that I think is the best of me and I'm taking a gamble, I'm taking a chance, and I'm hoping that people like yourself see my spirit and are just very entertained because then I'll recoup.
56:14And if I recoup Then you're I get to drum roll, invest in the next thing that I wanna do my way and hopefully bring people something else that's pretty cool. So you guys gotta hear that.
56:23Right? It's above it all, stanecook.com.
56:25And let me tell you guys something. It is it's unbelievable. And by the way, for you entrepreneurs, you already just said, he just bet on himself.
56:33And it's really rare in this space that anyone's doing. There's like a handful of you that are trying to do this right now. And in Dane's case, let me just say this because he won't say it to you.
56:41Number one, the the it it you feel like you only watch, like, twenty minutes because it flies by. It's an hour, but it's so good. Like, I found myself, like, I actually wish it was longer.
56:51That's not a criticism. It just that's how art should be. Right?
56:54But like it Zips. It's that good. Right?
56:56So there's no no lulls, number one. Number two, it's cutting edge.
57:01So it's visually stimulating too. It's not you're not just watching a dude. The drone shots I wanna give it away.
57:06I just want people to see it. The drone shots, the staging, the lighting, even the little flick to your producer in the control room where you could see it.
57:12Like, every little Marty Culmer. Yeah. Every little thing you did there, brother, I'm like, this is genius.
57:17Right? Somebody had said I'm glad you brought up Marty because I do cut to Marty in the in the sound booth. Yep.
57:22And the reason somebody said, you
57:25can't do that in a comedy special. I said, I don't want this to just feel like a comedy special. I want this to feel like maybe this is what a comedy special can be.
57:33Yeah. You know, this felt like an award show where they cut to the booth and there's the director directing the show. Yeah.
57:38And I'm on the screen behind him as Marty is like, cheering. It really feels that way. I got to share I got to put the legendary Marty Culner on camera.
57:46Yep. And he managed to put me in the background on the TV, so I'm never not on frame. Oh, you're right.
57:51You are there.
57:52It was a happy accident. Over his shoulder. We're having we're having a lot of fun with this, and you can I it comes through?
57:57Well, guys, there's several million of you. Go support it. Go see this.
58:01It's it's it's it's real, guys. It's like I I'm just I Dane's here. It's like he's he's obviously here to serve you.
58:07He served you for the last hour. If you go see this, you're you're serving him, but you're really serving your family because you're gonna laugh, and there's nothing in the content that I wish we could get into it because there's just some lessons even with the stalker story, but we're not gonna go there right now. The last thing I wanna say, um, I wanna ask you about because you did say it's the happiest you've ever been.
58:23You're in a relationship. The other thing you do Yeah. I don't know if you're willing to do it, but, like, you you Love.
58:28Are you you're in love. Yeah. And but you poke fun at yourself too, dude.
58:33Because you're you know, you'll Well, every comic has to you know, relationship humor Yeah. Is always in there.
58:38And I've always had, you know, so much relationship stuff, good and bad in my routines, that I thought, I need to talk about love.
58:47I need talk about this relationship. I think the hardest I laughed is the part where you said and if you wanna tell a joke here, you because my girl just so we understand. Yes.
58:54You'll call my girlfriend. My my fiance, we have an age difference. There's an age difference.
58:57Yeah. Where have you been all my Don't give away the don't give away the punchline.
59:03I know what. Yeah. Yeah.
59:04No. That's one of my favorite parts of the whole show. It's so I talk about Kelsey and I.
59:08And by the way, a lot of those jokes the great thing about being with Kelsey is because people go like, does she like these jokes?
59:15I go, like these jokes? You should hear the jokes that she makes. Yeah.
59:18She has a savage sense of humor. Mhmm. And she's you know, I knew she was the one.
59:23And we're I mean, it's it sounds goopy, but I'm just so happy, man, in my life. Good. Something I always wanted to contribute to the other side, which I felt like I'd I'd I'd I got to visit a lot of rare air in my life and I'm grateful, but I never really felt like I had that right relationship that I'm like, this is something that I can put into my home life that feels as gratifying just for me and this other person.
59:48So I'm there. You deserve it. Thanks, man.
59:50And you've made a lot of other people happy in your life and you deserve to be happy, brother. Thanks, bud. Thank you for doing this today.
59:55Oh, man. I hope let's part two it. This was really good.
59:57I would love to part two it. Yeah. This was really We'll we'll do it again in a couple months once it's been out for a bit and Okay.
1:00:03Like, we'll get some real great, you know, feedback from people. Like, let's see how it move people. Okay.
1:00:07Guys, go support it. Go get above it all, danecook.com.
1:00:11And by the way, while you're doing it, go grab the power of one more in my book. Go to Nosy, see change with Ed Mylett, and support that show as well. You guys go follow Dane as well.
1:00:19You can tell you're gonna get not just laughing, but you're gonna get life strategy and something that'll move you as well. Everybody, thank you. Dane, thank you.
1:00:25Uh, Ed, grateful for you. Thank you. Share this with everybody, guys.
1:00:28God bless you. Max out.
The Hook
The bait, then the rug-pull.
Dane Cook opens by describing himself as a pressure player — the stage as the one place the insecure kid disappeared — and then spends the next hour proving it in reverse, by showing exactly what the off-stage version costs.
